I found out that my wife and her old boss were having a love affair on January 24, 2010 after his visit to our new home. We were all close friends and I never would of expected this to happen. The boss is in his mid 60's and my wife is in late 40's. At first she denied it and stated that they were just very close friends. I found several e-mails from him that indicated something else. After several weeks of talking and begging her to be honest, she finally started to tell me the truth. First she stated that the affair was emotional for several years and then progressed into forplay in late 2007. The full sexual affair happened in December 2008 on his first visit and only occured twice. The other day she admited after heavy questioning that the actual sex started back in Jan 2008 and only occured 2-3 times. To date based on her info they had sex a total of 3 times in our old home and two times after we moved out of state to our new home. The reason she gave for not telling me the complete truth at first was she was afraid how I would feel about having sex in our old home. The last verbal contact she had with him is Jan 28th and I have no evidence that she has lied. She sent him a no contact letter on the 30th.We have agreed to work on our marriage and we have been going to Marriage C for several weeks. She stated that in 2005 she was very depressed about her mom dying and she felt that she could not talk to me. She felt that I was not providing her with the emational support she needed and her boss was always there at work trying to drag the information out of her. She stated that he got emotionally close to her and she felt very close to him over time. She stated that she does not want to be with him and that due to depression from other things in the past years he was able to get emotionally close to her. She atates that he initiated all the moves and has a past history of preying on women(3 marriges and many affairs during that time).
u] The question I have is how can I be sure that she is now telling me the truth? [/u]

She is not telling you the truth about what? How many times she had sex since 2005? Only 3? Well of course here she may not be telling the truth.
About the excuse of her being depressed to justify the A?
Or about blaming OW for being a predator? This could all be true but she is a grown woman and chose the A.
What do you want to know from her?
blessing

It is an unfortunate truth that WS's will lie. This leaves you with only one option. You will have to snoop.

It was her choice to have the A. It was not your fault. Don't let her blame you.

Was the A exposed to the employer?

The A lasted too long for her to be over with it.
Are you checking on her or are you taking her word that she is in NC? Do they work together still?
blessing

I am sorry but I have to question why you would wish to remain with her. She has constantly lied to you over and over again and has continued to put your health at risk for STD's. The worst part is her total lack of respect for you and your relationship. Clearly she has had no problems having sex in your bed in your old home and sex in your bed in your new home. What is wrong with this picture? How degrading and humiliating this is for you. In addition, apparently she must have been getting some perverse thrill in having the boss visit you and befriending you in your homes and then having sex with your wife in your homes when you were not present.

Finally, she takes virtually no responsibility for all of this and is playing the victim card. I am afraid that you are also in a deep fog. If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would be so accepting as you have been? Your wife has constantly lied to you so you can almost guarantee that the number of times she had sex with the boss was more than she told you. She clearly is in damage control and blaming everybody but herself. Her actions indicate that she has absolutely no respect for you whatsoever and has been playing you for a fool for years. In you do not respect yourself then who will?

She no longer works with the individual and he is thousands of miles away. One of the key reasons not to cut and leave is we have a young child. I'm trying to understand if she is telling me the truth about NC with the individual. No she has not worked for the company in several years. She has taken responsibility for her actions, however she was having a hard time telling me all facts due to embaressment and fear. She was/is clinically depressed during this time and was no longer taking meds perscribed by doctor due to death of family members.