I knew I missed one.


Don't get bogged down in this. If you started a thread on here asking people to post their wackiest wayward Why I Can't Come Home excuses, you'll hear much weirder than this.

You could beat him all to pieces with logic right now, but it would do absolutely no good. Instead, reverse babble. "Try it and see." (Said with a mischievous grin.) "I appreciate how hard you work for us - you're a great provider! Thanks!" Or just totally change the subject.

No worries - this will be a non-issue in time.

Prayers still going up.

You are doing just fine, even though it might not feel like it.

I know that thinking each thing will bring WH back and realistically I know that one event will not do it, but I express it here because I have to express it to someone to keep from expressing it to WH.

I do struggle with not looking at things that WH does as either good or bad and I am horrible at constantly analyzing each and every move. I have started just writing all my thoughts in a notebook because I have to write them somewhere or I would drive everyone crazy with everything I think and feel. I tend to fill at least 20 pages of writing 1 to 2 times a day. I haven't gone back yet to read it all, but know that some day I will.

I am struggling waiting for nature and God to take their course. I know it is not my schedule but theirs and it is driving me crazy in all sense of the word. I will only ask him to go to the counseling for our children and not with me. He told me the other day when we had a discussion that if I didn't think things were hard on him they were and he felt like driving his truck at high speed into a pole to end it all. I am a little better at speaking my mind and not yelling. I will avoid all R talk as best that I can.

As far as exposure to my mom, it was not that I blamed her for the A. I blame WH for the A but my actions did not do anything to prevent it either. I would shut down, not communicate, and be angry for extended periods of time when I would argue with her (or WH). My not communicating with him when I was upset about her was something that he claimed made him want to reach outside the M. I know it was a a conscious decision on his part to have the A, but the way I dealt with my emotions and feelings after fighting with my mom did not help our M. When I shared with her about my current M issues and the A, I set clear boundaries with her about what I wanted and expected from her. Several conversations later, I am still telling her what I want and need from her. She did agree to go see my counselor with me when I wanted to work on her's and my R. (Hope when the time comes she actually does.)

My dad hasn't been told because it is the middle of the work week for him and my mom just started working her overnight shifts at the hospital and we don't want him to be home at night by himself because we don't know how he will react. He also has a history of internalizing his feelings and I have had concerns for awhile about his mental health (dimensia type behaviors and his dad had a heart attack within a few years of the age my dad is now). My mom is going to tell him by the end of the weekend. She is still absorbing the situation too. She is where I was several weeks ago.

Last night when my mom dropped the kids off at our home with WH, she called him over for a few minutes to talk to him. She said he initially looked like a deer in the headlights but talked with her for quite awhile. She told him that he was as much one of her children as I was. That both WH and I had made mistakes but nothing that couldn't be undone. She wanted him to be happy and her hope would be that he would come home and be with his family. She told him that he had so much invested in the family and that he had called her mom for more than 16 years. She told him that no matter what, she would ALWAYS be his mom just like his mom will ALWAYS be my mom too. He told her that we had both hurt each other pretty bad (something I have never heard him say and I don't believe he said to his parents either). She stated that between my parents and his, the money issues could easily be worked out. The rest would be up to the two of us. She stated that she knew I wanted things to work out.

He stated that she didn't know the whole situation. She responded by saying that she knew he was seeing someone. She did not say that she knew he was living with her because she wanted to steer the conversation away from OW. She said that he looked a little shocked.

When I got home for IC last night, WH looked exhausted and almost defeated. He stated that he had not had a chance to switch the house payment to come out of his account and asked if I had the money to cover it until he was done working/being tied up with PT job, other work/event obligations (nothing with her until at least Monday evening). He stated that he could have his bank wire the money to our account if I needed it/couldn't cover it, but would immediately get the money in the account on Monday morning after he got off shift. He always puts more money in the account than the actual house payment. I told him that we were fine.

I sat down next to him (he on the couch with kids and I knelt down beside him on the floor) and put my hand on his leg and then rubbed his arm for a few minutes during our conversation. He didn't try to pull or jerk away. A few minutes after he left, he called me and asked me again if I had the money in the bank account to cover the payment. I repeated that I did and that all he had to do was to put the money in Monday because the car payment wouldn't be due til later and I would be fine. He finished the conversation by telling me goodnight. I'm not sure the mortgage payment was the real reason for his call. I think it was more the saying goodnight. He tends to be much more conversational on the phone and in texts than in person.

I have watched my texts since the whole issue with DS came up and made them more caring than flirty. I don't know how things are going for him and if the conversation with my mom was making him think. At the end of the conversation, she told WH to not make any rash decisions about the M and to make sure that what he is currently doing is what is really going to make him happy, not being a full-time dad and at home with the family he has invested over 16 years in. She said he will always be her son and she will always be his mom no matter what decision he makes. She wants him happy, but to really think before deciding and acting.

I'm not really getting bogged down with the idea of him spending time and money that he says he wouldn't have for me or the kids, just needing to express it somewhere other than to him. If you only knew how sore my cheek/tongue are from biting them to prevent myself from actually saying this to him. I have had so many "snotty" thoughts come in my head during conversations/texts/emails, etc. and have been REALLY GOOD at NOT saying them to him, just in my head!!!!! I'm going crazy not doing this, but I know they wouldn't help the current situation!!

Why is it that every time I turn on the radio in the car there is another song that reminds me about WH, my situation, etc. It doesn't help that I listen to country music. So far the songs that I listen to on the radio that drive me crazy this week:
Love Can Build a Bridge- Judds
Ordinary Life- (don't remember country artist)
Breathe- Taylor Swift
You Belong with Me- Taylor Swift
Picture to Burn- Taylor Swift
Love Story- Taylor Swift

In one of my music therapy session I have with a client, the songs I sing include:
Little Bitty
Walk the Line
Grandpa
The Greatest Man I Never Knew
Leavin on a Jet Plane
Country Roads
Ring of Fire

Only now with my current situation do I hate my job due to the songs that I am stuck listening to and singing.

It is so hard not to give snotty comments when he talks about certain things. He was talking about making deals with someone he works with to help him in his lawn mowing this spring/summer. He has a big trailer with lawn mower, etc. in our garage. My internal b**** wanted to say, and where do you plan on keeping that stuff. He might have come back with saying that he would move it and rent space from the guy he is working with and I don't want that to happen because it might limit his time coming over here to see me/the kids.

I also wanted to tell him that our DD has four times (to my mom and me) said I Miss My Daddy!!! I Want My Daddy to Come Home!!! She, of course, did not say this to WH tonight. I want her to cry to him, tell him how much she misses him, and how much she wants him to come back home.

When those snotty comments come in to your head SAY "HELLO" TO YOU TAKER. Not a pleasant person to hang around with is she? She wants to get out SO BAD. Don't let her.

Are you in Plan A? If so, when do you plan on ending it and moving to Plan B? Only 15% of the time Plan A works to kill the affair and move on to R. That means you MOST likely will have to move to Plan B. Also, as far as being in Plan A, it is meant to be TEMPORARY.

Save up that little anecdote. You can use it in your PBL if no other opportunities present themselves.

Thanks for clarifying about your dad - he isn't being left out of the loop entirely, and that's good.

Also, though it won't bear immediate fruit, the convo between WH and your mom was as good as it could have been. Wonderful!

I don't want you to always feel like you have to have a big "VENT" sign over your venting posts, lol, just if it's not clear you're only venting some of us might worry a bit.

Tomorrow will probably have been long enough that you can do one kinda flirty thing (I know DS still weighs very heavily on you, but WS's have such a short attention span, lol), just not out of the blue. Look around throughout your day for something that reminds you of him, of a memory or inside joke the two of you share. "Just saw the funniest/most interesting thing [insert funny or interesting thing] - reminded me of the time you [insert action] with me at [insert place]."

I will save that. My mom told my dad tonight and it is amazing how he and I are just alike. My mom told him that he can't shut down on her like I did to WH. They need to talk. She said that he needs to absorb what he learned and that he is not overly mad, just more in shock than anything else. My dad agreed with me that we can't get mad and yell and scream and throw fits at him right now. It won't help the situation, just clear, a concise honesty about our thoughts and feelings is what he needs.

My mom will be glad to hear that what she did was good. She didn't know whether she should or not and I told her that I thought it would be good for her to have a conversation with him. We discussed the things she was thinking about saying to him and there were a few things that I said I did not think she should say yet! She didn't, but said more than she initially thought she would say. She was proud of herself that she didn't cry or get upset when talking with him.

Will try to be a little more clear when venting verses poor thinking. Will try the flirty text tomorrow.

Go ahead and vent away. This stuff is so hard. Prayers still going up for you.

I forgot to give my KOODOS to Mom. I was reading your post and I thought, "I wish my MOM(or anyone) would say that to my WH." GOOD JOB MOM.

The last two days, my DD7 has made pictures and stories at school about missing daddy and her family being sad. Do I give these to WH? Do I take them to WH at work at the station since he will be working for 2 24 hour shifts and a 12 hour shift along with a fund-raising event and his PT job between now and Monday when he will be here for the kids in the am? Do I wait until Monday?

Put them up on the fridge.

If he never goes near the fridge, then you

1) Invite him over for dinner

2) Put a bulletin board right inside the front door. Hanging from the door might be a little too obvious.

I was thinking something along these same lines.

That's what I needed to know. The one book is a slap in the face:

Page 1: (picture-mommy, daddy, DD, DS) "I like my family."
Page 2: (picture-mommy, daddy, DD, DS upside down) "My family is fun."
Page 3: (picture-mommy, DD, DS) "Now my family is sad."

Cried for the last 15 minutes over this!!

"From the mouths of BABES." WOW.

WH may not react at all to these though so don't expect a reaction, just let it happen. It's not a pass/fail thing, it just IS.

Talked with my mom on her way to work about my dad and his reactions. She said that he paid me a big compliment and she was in total agreement that I was so incredibly strong to have gone through this for almost two months without telling anyone, relying on anyone, or asking anyone for help. She said that she knew that I was forcing myself just to get up, do what I had to do, and just existing.

Strong or not, my kids need me and I am fighting for my M and my life that I want back. I have too much going on in my life right now to crumble. Student teaching, working PT with clients with disabilities, my children, my schooling, and fighting to save M and heal myself to be a better person.

Not expecting a reaction to the story, just think I shouldn't keep it from him. He should see and feel what the kids are feeling and thinking just like I do everyday, hour, minute I am with them. It shouldn't be all rainbows and puppy dogs for him when he is around. He wants communication from me and keeping their feelings from him would not be giving him that. Right?? Still feeding the love bank, but not sheltering him either. If I am wrong, please let me know. I do not want to sabotage any positive that I have all ready done.

Oh no I wasn't saying that I thought YOU SHOULDN'T. I was just making sure that you understood that it wasn't going to bring about a "OMG PFM2, I didn't know. I am coming home right now." It may be a seed that needs to grow, but you wouldn't know that for a long time.

I like the rainbows and puppy dogs thing, I say, "Butterflies and roses." I know what you are talking about though. I get angry when I have to deal with all of the kids emotions and problems in school because of it. I just remember that I am the ONLY one who can right now, since I am seeing CLEARLY. In Plan B, there is NC, so it is even harder to get these points across. Take the chance while you can.

Thanks for the support. I don't want to screw any positives that have been set up at this point by one stupid little mistake. That's why I was checking to make sure what I was thinking was a good thing and not bad.