He moved out have a affair with lady at work guess they had been talking for about a year..
He moved back home after 3 months..
I said NO contact...

he has been back home since May of last year 9 months..
He does good seems to try...
calls me on his lunch every day and will call if running 5 min late getting home

says he doesn't want me to think anything is going on when it isn't... No he hasn't spent time with her... He is here all the time...

But I have seen where he sends her email
jokes that are sent to him
he will send to her he has even sent jokes to her that I have
sent to him... Of course she doesn't know they came from me..
this happens 3 or 4 times a month...
I haven't seen where she has emailed back to him.
but they could be emailing at work..

He changed jobs a month after moving back home...
said he did that to help make me feel better...

So what do I do about this email ?
I can't tell him I know....

Oh and by the way there is no real imtacmy between us...
A hug a kiss that is about it..
But I must add he has had problems with that since his heart attack...

I'm confused. Are you talking about two email addresses here?

Have him log in to his work email at home unannounced (if he can access at home), or show up at his office unannounced and ask to view his emails, including deleted ones.

He works for the Gov
and so does she
they both have a government email
there is NO way I can check that...

Even though he now works some place else it is still a Gov job

There is no way I can show up there or go inside you have to be cleared.... Have a Government ID an so on
He works in human resource's
And the FBI is in the building...
He can not get into his work email outside of work...

She works for the VA hospital she is a nurse...
There isn't much I don't know about her...

Then how do you know he is sending her joke emails??

Even if he works for the government that doesn't mean he can't escort you into the building and then show you his emails.

He IS breaking no contact even if you have no proof of her responding. Confront him now and tell him how this hurts you.

This is how I learned what I did about what was going on with them.

I went to a site he does and got him to talk to me
thinking I was someone else he had no clue it was me

He said they had talked at work for about an year
he never planned on it turning to a sex thing
that happened after he moved out from here
And it was a short fling at best that even he knew that..
But did say she had said to him
she was afraid he would come back here
to which he told her he was not...
He told me as someone else also
she hasn't been in a relationship for 20 years
I might add I am 50 he is 49
She is 50
said she has never been married
but on a background check it came up she at one time had a last name' that was not the same...

I did see an email where he signed off Love You
I let him know I seen that
I told him to leave here...
He said he didn't love her
I said then why did he say that
he said he was stupid that he didn't
I told him if I found there was any more contact
I wanted him to leave here.

Because I can check home email
He doesn't know that

By sending skanko emails, this is a violation of NC!

He should not have have any secrets. You both should have all passwords for each other, including any emails, Fakebook, etc.

Ok so your condition for him moving back was NC.
Obvioulsy he has broken that .
So whats the plan now?
Does he get to CONTINUE to say even though he has broken the agreement, or is there a consequence for his action?

If there is no conseqence then can I have icing and whipped cream on that cake please.

I told him to leave what it happened
we talked and he said he was sorry
said he didn't talk to her for a long time and didn't know
why he started again...
I told him I will not take this any more...
He said he believes I won't
he doesn't know I know he has sent her jokes
as far as I know that is it no talking back and forth that I
know of

My problem being right now I can't let him know I know...

And I have a 5 year old to worry about here..
that is what makes it so very hard...
she was deserted by her mom and dad I adopted and when he moved out she was a mess...puking sick and everything
She for a long time even after he moved back thought everyone was going to leave her.
He couldn't get out the door without her.
I couldn't get out of her sight...
Now she is much better again she feels we are here for her...
If I just make him leave again I have no idea what it would do to her...
So I am in a very bad spot here...
If it wasn't for that he would have been out of here the min it happened...
He knows that two...

I have talked to a doctor about the child and she says it will be very hard on her.. The doctor has seen the child and talked to her also...
And that she will not trust anyone for a long time to come if we can't work this out...
She was so bad when he was gone for that 3 months even though he seen her 3 and 4 times a week...
So what do I do ?

So he has told you that he has started talking to her again or is this old stuff ??





If what you say is true then
If he is contacting her INSPITE of that fact then.....
What does that tell you??

Also what does it mean when you say you wont take it?
Does it mean you will kick him out ?

Or does he know that because of your concern for the child he will face no real consequence.



I guess he and you have already decided that this is the trap you both are stuck in together.

I am sorry that any one has to suffer a D. Child or adult.
IMHO its far worse to grow up without having some one shown/teach you life lessons in self respect, self independance and real love.
What are you both teaching the child in the long run?
Fear is whats keeping you quite and you need to recoganise that and find a way to overcome it, else you have no choice but to silently accept the life your being dealt.

You can recover your M but Fear of loosing or angering him is not going to get you there.

I think you are right

fear

Yes I do fear what will happen if I bring it up to him
He has this big thing to about snooping
I told him he can look at my email any time I have nothing to hide...
Said he better not catch me snooping in his email that the is an invasion on him...

And I am worried about the child ...

So think you have this right on
It is the fear that stops me
and I have to find away to get past that...

Just an fyi, but a BS should NEVER EVER give up their snooping tactics to a WS or open up her computer to a WS. Radical honesty does not apply to infidelity or abuse.
sunshine, do the posters here know you are not married? And whatever you do, DO NOT open up your computer to a lying wayward. That will prevent you from protecting yourself.

I am sure they do
I have posted many times that we have been together for over 10 years...
He knows my pass words I have nothing to hide
only this site I want to hide...
He will not give his pass words can tell you that he was that way even before this happened...
He would have a melt down if he even thought I had his pass words...
He feels it is an invasion on a person.... And says it is not right...
But I do know he has looked at my email...

By the way is there a way to change your pass word on here..
I can't seem to find it thought it a good idea to change it ...

I put a keylogger on and it was a miracle. I got everything I ever needed. Too bad its stuff i really don't want to read.....(dirty).

I had problems with telling my WW that i was recording her World of Warcraft chats. She stopped using it and started using facebook chat. I couldn't monitor that, so i installed a keylogger. Best thing ever.

The expensive ones are great for organizing chats and emails. The free ones are great for just grabbing a password.

Make sure you know how to use it by turning it on/off, opening recordings, and make sure you hide it. No quick links on the desktop.

I had a keylogger at one time...
He found it on the computer and it was hid ..
He is very computer smart
so I haven't even tried that again...
He goes into files of something don't know how he does it but he knows if it is there....
and i paid big bucks for the one that I had....
If they know computers really well they know where to look...
So think that is out for me...