I was looking out for YOU. That's all. Just making sure that you didn't have any expectations on the outcome of this revelation.

My DS9 made snowmen last Saturday, in hopes that WH would see 4 snowmen, his "family". Unfortunately, they started melting before WH saw them and DS9 was sad. He told WH about them anyways.

I have no expectations, but always holding out hope. The snowmen, I bet, were cute. I probably would have taken pictures and let children give it to them if they chose to do that.

We did take pictures, although they weren't great pics(Ds9 dropped my camera and broke the view screen). I am in Plan B though, so if WH wants to see the pics, he will have to wait until he comes home. That's how we roll in Plan B. But you're in Plan A. Different plan, different rules.

God put this on my heart to tell you to help you (and others) deal with understanding this...
Did you ever see one of those pictures that are made up of hundreds of small photos? A mosaic photo....

Imagine what your going through as a mosiac in progress...It is made up of photos of BEAUTIFUL things... Puppies... and rainbows.. and little children holding hands and waterfalls and awesome sunsets on tropical beaches...

but it is also made up of photos of HORRIBLE unspeakable things (you make your own images here...)



If you were to focus on each individual photo...you would have an endless roller coaster of emotional ups and downs. Worrying about what the picture will be...never knowing for sure what it will be in the end. Because it's IMPOSSIBLE to see by analyzing each individual photo.

NO ONE SINGLE IMAGE DEPICTS THE SUM OF THEIR ENTIRETY....




BUT.... you step back and see the WHOLE picture you can see the BEAUTIFUL photo.... the TRUE meaning of the picture....The BIG PICTURE... the END result...




This is what this is... NO SINGLE ACTION (good or bad) by your WH means anything by itself... and even the BAD actions can be part of a beautiful ending....

Keep to the plan and then... step back and see what the BIG PICTURE is...
God wants us to understand that in the BIG picture... he is good... and he is just.... and he is kind... and he loves us so very much... and he wants to prosper us....
But.. sometimes.. there has to be bad little snapshots in there to help him create his mosaic....that is HIS end result.
Have FAITH that God is painting a beautiful picture for your marriage.

.

No...not good enough...Just DON'T do it...

And GOOD JOB MOM!!!

Trust is so hard since the person I completely trusted in life broke that. I try to trust. DS asked if he could go with me today to program music at church so that we can sit in the sanctuary after I am done and pray and cry about what to do and to ask God to come in to our family and guide and help us through this horrible time.

I was thinking about encouraging DS to start writing in a journal, letters, thoughts, etc. If he wants to write WH a letter about his thoughts and feelings, he can and then give it to him o keep it to himself. I have found this to be a great way to deal with my thoughts and feelings about everything going on.

OK...here's a question...WH keeps telling me that he will come over and watch the kids while I go out and do things. I don't really have anyone to go out with and there are times when WH is at home with the kids and I could either come home right away (which usually means he leaves) or stay away, run errands, sit somewhere and do nothing, etc. On one hand, it means he is at home with our kids and not with OW at her place, but on the other hand, if contact and time with kids is limited, I would hope it would mean that he would miss them and any time that he gets to spend with him would be limited.

Do I give him the time at home with the kids and away from OW and stay away for longer or do I limit the time with the kids? What is the recommendation with that? There are pros and cons to both and I don't know which is the better way to go. He will almost always leave withing a short time period after I get home (obviously because he is avoiding me) and knows that I have set the boundaries with the kids and not meeting OW or even being at her place so they can't be with him and OW. I don't know if he is avoiding spending time with the kids because it hurts too much and he is really afraid that it will make him feel bad and I truly believe he doesn't stay around me either to limit his anger towards me or because it makes him feel bad about what he has done to me or because if he spends time with me he knows that I am going to be nice and loving towards him and he doesn't know what to do with that.

I'm confused about what I should do about the time with the kids her at our home verses limiting the time.

No more R talk again!! I promise!!

Hi, Prayerful, haven't read your posts in a while but I have seen a big change since I last read. You seem to doing well and growing. It doesn't hurt to rant and rave and let us know how you feel. It is better to do it here than anywhere else I feel.

Plan B is one of the hardest things to do but it gets our WS's attention more than anything else that we do. My H thaought that I hated him and that I did everything to be hateful. I told him that I never hated him but just the exact opposite and that I had to cut all contact with him to protect myself. He understands now. Funny thing is is that I think recovery is a lot harder than plan B. Recovery might not hurt like plan B but it sure is exhausting.

Just hold in there and keep praying. I keep reading Mark 11:22-24 almost everyday and I have read it so much that I can quote it as I need it.

Still hoping and praying

What I would do:

Stay gone for a goodly length of time. It's great to have the kids get to spend some time with him, and that's meeting some domestic needs.

Then, when you come back, bring something he would want to stay for. Maybe a fun game, and invite him to stay and play it, or some yummy food and invite him to eat it with all of you. Very light-hearted. "Hey, thanks for staying with the kids. I had a great time! I know you've got to skedaddle, but why not grab a piece or two of pizza first?"

Over the next few weeks before going into Plan B, I want to see you work on tempting him to stay a bit more. It's ok if he doesn't, because whether he stays or just sees what he's missing, it's good either way. The picture of him hanging out a bit as a family is good, and so is the picture of you saying, "Awww, that's too bad - maybe next time. All right kiddoes, give your dad a big hug, and then let's PARTY!!!"

This part can be a bit more taxing, since if he does actually hang around more it means (gasp) that you have to spend more time with him. Extra time with Waynerds can be ooky, so just be glad that he's not living with you. Plan A is horrible under the same roof.

So why not call him today and set up a time for him to come over? Give yourself enough time to figure out what you're going to do when you arrive back home again.

Funny thing is...I get a weird text from him today before the end of my school day that says, "Not at the station. Worked with (name) instead. Be at the house at 3." This is when DS gets home from school. Now, we were not supposed to see him again until Monday because of working OT and regular 24 hour shifts, PT job, and fund-raising commitment.

I was talking with my mom on the phone when he called into her. She freaked, I felt nauseous. She called me back when WH beeped in. He was actually driving right behind me and asked if I was going home. I said yes, but had to go to a client at 4pm. He said OK and he would just go ahead and come home and hang out for a little while. He called my mom because he did not know what was going on with the kids and wanted to let her know that he was going to be there for them.

OK, ran upstairs to change my clothes before client and had to post this real quick. Going down now, dressed nicely in his favorite color blue to spend time with him before I have to go to my client.

Let you know more later!!!!

AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He's enjoying being home, which is GREAT!!!!! When you need to, just repeat three time to yourself, "When he's a jerk, it's just as good a sign as when he's nice."

As he gets to enjoy home and your company more, he's likely to cycle to even more unpleasant than before. If he does, that's fine. It's just the nature of the beast. It's actually very good, because it means he is leaving the state of withdrawal and entering the state of conflict.

In the meantime, go strut your little blue self all over the house and have a super time hanging out with your WH. You may already realize this, but if you do choose to have SF with him at any time, use full protection. Till he gets a clean bill of health, you can't be too careful.

Also, that totally cracked me up of him driving along behind you. Careful, you might have a stalker.

Just a quick note, PFM, I want to thank you for giving me something to pray about (YOU) ...

It brought me closer to God who I love.

Thanks!

(I see your good progress too)

It was a good visit. I had about 45 minutes before I had to leave to go to my client and we chatted during that time while he was doing a little work on his truck. DS was there and during this time and gave me a chance to extend a positive compliment to WH. DS was trying to fix something on his bike and was unable to tighten something down. I told DS that he was stronger that I was and maybe daddy could use his strong muscles to tighten the handle bars completely down.

DD got home from school about the time I had to leave. I told all of them goodbye. I gave the kids hugs and touched WH on the arm because he was working on something on the truck. He looked me in the eyes and said goodbye. I stayed a little extra time away (30 minutes) before coming home just to give the kids a little extra time with daddy (that we didn't even expect or know we were going to get tonight or this weekend).

When I got home from my client, WH came down the stairs and we greeted each other. We talked for a little bit. DS asked daddy to sit down and watch a little bit of the show he was watching and WH DID sit down. He stayed about an extra 30 minutes. I sat down in the rocking chair with them and we continued to talk. It wasn't anything interesting or specific, but pretty much just daily talk like we would have done before all of this. There did seem to be a little underlying unknown because of the situation we are still in, but it wasn't uncomfortable.

WH finally said that he needed to go to run to the store before getting something to each and also needing to get to bed early because he is doing a charity climb in the morning in full fire fighter gear up multiple flights of stairs. It almost seemed like he was using up the time until he was supposed to be getting back to OW's home instead of early because he didn't actually work the OT he was supposed to.

I gave WH a hug before he left, we said a nice goodbye. He went to look for DD outside before leaving, but she was at a friend's house. I walked him out to his truck, told him to get some rest, and to be careful on his climb tomorrow. He told me that he wouldn't be able to talk tomorrow evening because he will be working his PT job, but did tell me to text him on how the day was or if I needed anything.

I am obviously very happy about this evening, but know that it doesn't necessarily mean anything significant. I am just enjoying that he kind of was joking with me a little bit when he called me when he was following me on the way home and said that he would hang out at home with us for the time before my session, during my session, and then stayed for a little bit after my session. It felt nice, mostly comfortable, no R talk at all, and I could see him thinking about doing some of the playful stuff that he would have normally done before as far as joking and rough housing with DS. Relishing in this good feeling , feeling energized to continue plan A , and thinking out ways to invite him to stay a little more with us this next week without seeming too obvious with what I am doing.

Oh, and by the way, was able to show off the weight I have lost (in a not so good way) in my newer, smaller jeans and turtle neck before putting on my sweater when I left for my client. Felt really good walking around, knowing that I was looking better than I did (probably even before we got married) and showing him my confidence in my looks. Blue is his favorite color and I try to wear that color as much as I can around him without always wearing the same thing. It is good that the weather is changing because that will give me more variety in more wardrobe!!

What a positive post this is. You can tell you are feeling better. Is DS okay? How about the book DD did? Did you manage to put it out somewhere? Sorry if you already answered this, I sometimes miss posts.

Hang in there. Plan A is a pain at times. Let the confidence you gain in it carry you further.

DS and I went out and spent the evening together. I took him to dinner at Pizza Hut and then we went to church to program music. DS asked me to take him with me this week when I went to church so that we could go sit in the sanctuary and pray for WH. I asked him to tell me what he wanted and expected when we were there. I told him I would pray out loud, he could pray out loud, he could pray silently, or we could just sit there. He asked me to pray and then we just sat there for 10 minutes. I think he felt pretty good before we left.

I dropped him off at my parent's house for the night since I work tomorrow and WH is not available to watch them tomorrow. First night at home ALONE and I am still feeling pretty good after the events of today.

Also, checked the cell phone bill and noticed a call from WH to our church. It was only 1 minute, but he may have just left a message for our pastor to call him. His mother, after I emailed her today about how things were going, called him around 5:30pm, just before I got home. That may be part of the reason that he left when he did and didn't stay any longer. She was supposed to be in the area this weekend and said she was going to plan on talking with him.

I am glad DS is doing better. Whatever those WS/AP say IT DOES AFFECT THE KIDS.

I am glad that you are strong for them.

I hope you can get some sleep. I haven't had to do the night alone thing yet. I don't know how I would handle that.

I did put DD's book out for him. Don't know for sure if he saw it, but will make sure it is still available for him to see. I didn't want to push it too much because the visit was so unexpected anyway. It is funny, when I knew he was going to be at home I panicked thinking about all the things I would have done to make the house better and cleaner for him to be there. I am usually a picky house keeper, but find myself recently letting things slip a little, especially when I don't think WH is going to be there. A little bit of the bad situation, but after this unexpected visit, I will go back to making sure that I keep the house the way I have always done and always wanted to. Granted, I view my house as a disaster with a few things sitting out on the floor, but many people "make fun of me" (for lack of a better way to say it) about how neat my house is even on the days I think things are out of control.

My Mom used to be like that too. Whenever she knew people were coming over for dinner she would SUPER-CLEAN. Then when the people came over, she would apologize about how messy the house was. She would always repaint her room when my aunt came to visit from CA(Cali that is). I definitely did not inherit that from her. I just don't let people in......hehehehehe okay only some people.

I think it is good that you didn't push the book. I like the leaving it out idea.

Take care.