Finish exposure if not done and cut off money so she can't go and see the OM.

Done
Done
Done
Told sister to get it for her so it doesnt look like Im pushing it.
Done. Will be hard to enforce Plan B when she comes back next week, but i think she has stopped contact with OM. We will see.

okay I feel like im on the right track. Thanks bit.

WS, get the letter to your wife pronto so she can cancel her return trip. If she tries to come back, change the locks. Let her sisters know what you are doing and why.

And it is a good idea to send a copy to the OM and his mother. Let them know he has ruined a marriage.

Get the computer out of the house and make this a condition of her return: no contact with OM and no more computer. You won't be able to even leave a computer in the house.

p.s. you are doing an AWESOME JOB, WS!! I bet you save your marriage in the end.

Once you go dark, the main thing you will have to look out for is her agreeing to everything and then not following through. That is why the computer has to go. I would get a laptop that goes to work with you every day and stays in your office on the weekends. That is the ONLY way she can recover from her gaming addiction.

World of Warcrack, its set up to suck ppl in. Its a business of fantasy.

WW sister says my WW wants to come home on Tuesday, ad has agreed to a NO CONTACT letter. I replied that she also has to agree to commiting to the marriage no matter what it takes, and that she will be making major lifestyle changes.

What I will do is give her computer to my sister. Then I am locking my computer and turning off the internet during the daytime. She can only use the computer for her buisness when I am home and with her.

Is this demanding or what?
Should I be direct and tell her the conditions above, or should I just say "We are going to make a lifestyle change" then let her know later?

I like to play my computer games too, but responsibly.

Its like I want a beer after work, but with an alcoholic in the house they will drink all the beers in the fridge. I have to give up my beer a night just to make sure my wifes addiction doesn't resurface.

WS

I skimmed through the last few pages.

You did not give her a PLB letter, right?
Nesre

Don't be demanding. Call your wife and tell her you are willing to consider reconciliation if she agrees to these conditions-�this is what it will take to interest me in reconciliation, otherwise there is no point in coming back�:

1. she end all contact for life with OM by sending him a NC letter

2. the computer is removed

3. she commit to a program of recovery [get counseling with MB = this will be your greatest protection against a recurrence]

Call her up and go over this with her. These are not negotiable items, these are boundaries that MUST be in place in order for your marriage to recover. She can�t negotiate the conditions of her return. If she won�t agree to these things then she is not ready to reconcile. I would get her full agreement before you agree to reconcile.

YES YES YES!!

WS, I love Pepperbands suggestion about putting her off for another week. Then after another week, you can lay out your VERY FIRM, UNMOVEABLE BOUNDARIES as a condition of her return.

I suspect she wants to come home soon so she can get back online. But the longer you make her wait the more she will withdraw from her gaming and the OM. And.........the more willing she will to commit to recovery.

Ws

Way too soon for a change of heart or attitude to really become who she is.

I think we are a lot alike when we wanna believe our WW is going to change. Change does not occur that fast.


Good saying I recieved in an e-mail today:

THE road to recovery is always under construction.

Looks like you got the plans for the construction going but no equipment on site yet.

Good idea to leave her sit for a week or so "While you think"

In my PLB I required 30 days sober from alcohol before I would even reconsider NC.

Nesre

I did, im not sure if she read the plan B letter. I asked her sister, and let her sister know of the conditions to come back. I used the plan B letter proposed by Mel.
How do I know for certain that she will commit to those conditions if Im not really keeping contact with her, or if she has even read the letter?

I guess the easy answer #1 is look at her actions, and judge if she is going to commit, or answer #2 No one really knows.

She has not tried to make contact with him for a week. He told her that he was leaving for work and wont have contact. So she is either going to work on the mariage, or fake it until OM comes back in 6 months. Tough to tell.

She says that she is already homesick for me and the boys. In less than a week? is that possible? Well she does have a sister who is showing her what her happy marriage is like, and what it means to spend time with the family. Giving her good marital books to read, and everything. I think she got my WW SAA, we will see.

Call the sister and tell her your conditions when you tell her you are not willing to allow her home just now. If your W is going to comply, then she can call you and go over the conditions and then you will decide. But either way, you want to think about it more another week. Tell her you are not ready yet.

So i just sent her sister an email saying:

"I am not ready for her to come home, and I need time to gather myself together." I said "If she came back now I don't think my emotions can take it, and just the thought of her coming back right now gives me anxiety." I really don't think I could handle it if she came back this week. She probably does want to come back because her sister is enforcing the law at their house. Too bad it wont be any different at my house. I think that is why im afraid of her coming home. I am afraid that she wants to push me around to let her online. I need time to gather myself together so i can stand up to her.

Im not sure her sister will let her stay there for another week and im not going to pay for her to fly all over the US to visit her family.

WS, the key will be to get rid of the computer and have a PLAN to replace that vacuum with something ELSE: ie, a happy marriage. If that doesn't happen and new habits are not developed, she will fall back into the same patterns. The marriage will just stay sick. So I would have your plan ready.

The first thing that has to happen to recover your marriage is to actually SCHEDULE 20+ hours per week of undivided attention meeting these needs: SF, converstation, affection, and recreational companionship. This has to be scheduled without your boys, WS, because children will interfere with the goal. When you talk to her, i would explain that this is part of the recovery you have in mind.

I have given that some thought and scheduled to replace her time that she playes video games with Undivided time. If we count working out together, which we already do, but without our head phones, a date on the weekends we can only hit about 15 hours. Still scratching for ideas for the last 5+ hours. It starts eating into my time with kids at that point.