Of course he's mad. You are taking away his new toy.....Don't worry though, your marriage can survive his anger, it cannot survive an ongoing affair.


EXCELLENT!!!!!!! This is Plan A at perfection. Its important that you continue to feed him "carrots". Meet his needs. Making the home a calm, serene, inviting refuge is needed, especially in the storm. Well done!!!!


Who knows???...its really not important. I can tell you though, that there is probably a fair amount of Love Busting going on with her. OW's HATE being outted......and the best way (in their stupid little brains) is to try and make YOU look as bad as possible...


This tends to happen when you pull off a good Plan A moment. You KNOW you did well so your mind eases a bit.....and yes, when you have a PLAN in place, it makes dealing with all of this easier.....

You did well......

not2fun

Thank you thank you thank you! I still am having my curious and paranoid moments, like I have in the past - but I think they pass faster and easier because I have a plan in place and it just seems that their little fake fairytale is crumbling.

I know deep down that my husband would never leave me and its a matter of time before he comes home and things start to improve, but the waiting game is terrible torture.

I keep praying that this is working.

I just wish I had more friends and family that would be willing to confront him. I get plenty of sympathy and advice but only one person seems truly willing to confront him and wants to wait until this weekend when he has some time off.

I cant thank you all enough, I know that the only way Im getting through this is by listening and following your advice. I cant wait for my book to come in the mail.

He is obviously still pissed because he texted me asking why I contacted her after he told me not to. I said that I only did to save our marriage not to make him angry. Both of you need to know the truth.

He was supposed to be coming over but says hes not anymore.

KK, you are doing great. It is awesome your WH's BIL wants to confront him.

I just want to re-emphasize that I think you should hit them now, today, with the FB exposure, especially since their A is starting to weaken. Don't give them a chance to regroup and start to spin what is happening to friends, etc. We have seen that happen here too and it can really thwart your exposure efforts.

It doesn't matter whether anyone is willing to say anything to them. The fact that everyone knows is what is important. It will take all the fun and excitement out of the A.

Hang in there. You are stronger than you think.

KK --

You're doing great.

There are a couple of important points for you to understand.

1. Gaslighting
2. Lying


1.) He will try anything to manipulate you. I know you don't think he would do that to you, but this alien isn't the man you have known. He will pout. He will be angry. He will threaten.
He will cry. All of it is an act to try to get you to back off.
He does not want you to compare notes with OW, because he is lying to BOTH of you.

When he says he's not coming over -- its to punish you. Then maybe you will beg and plead and apologize. And he will try to negotiate something from you. Like a promise not to call her, or a promise not to tell anyone. DON'T MAKE BAD PROMISES TO APPEASE HIM. Let him have his temper tantrum or pity party.
Don't buy into it.

2.) You can have these great moments of talking about baby names and loving each other....and he will call OW 2 minutes later. You simply cannot believe a WORD he says right now. Its really important that you learn to judge his ACTIONS and not his words. He will swear on your children's LIVES that he isn't seeing her, and it will be a lie. He will be very convincing, and you will hardly believe that he could do such a thing -- but they all do.

He's trying desperatly to keep his two worlds separate right now.
I told you so! I told you the OW would be surprised to learn he's happily married and expecting a new baby. He has told her all kinds of lies about you, and about your marriage. And he's told you all kinds of lies all these past months. He's not capable of honesty yet -- so don't expect it!

Just work YOUR PLAN. In spite of him, in spite of what he says.
Just stick to your plan.

I have exposed it and I am no longer her FB Friend.

Good for you!

Be ready for a wide variety of responses from the FB community.

There will be people who tell you that you shouldn't air your dirty laundry. There are people who will say they feel sorry for you but its not their business. There will be some who support you.

What they have to say is not relevent.

It is the EXPOSURE that is relevent. Now the OW has to deal with some unpleasant consequences.

Now she is going to scream at your husband!
Your husband is going to have to defend you to OW!

You are causing CHAOS and UNPLEASANTNESS in the affair (where before it was all romance and fun!)

Now its ugly!

Be prepared for your husband to unleash on you!
Read what I posted above right before your post....you're going to get blasted by him.

Its just a temper tantrum!
He'll get over it.

Just have your mantra ready -- I am doing what I think is necessary to save our marriage and family.

How did you expose it? Did you email all her fb friends?

Did she unfriend you before you had a chance to get a list of her friends? Did you manage the FB exposure?

If not, do you know how to login to WH's account and check out her FB friends from there? If you haven't done the FB exposure you need to get on that pronto before all avenues are locked down tight.

I have only exposed it through mutual friends with a phone call, they dont want to get involved.

He has just texted me asking how I am doing.

I am so sick of this emotional rollercoaster. Its a nightmare, Im sticking to Plan A and wont believe anything he says, only actions.

I did copy all her contacts onto a word document before she deleted me.

Do the facebook exposure right away KK.

There is no reason to delay.

It will make the affair a whole lot less fun.

KK, you don't need to be her FB friend to expose to her FB contacts!!!

What did you mean here? You have exposed WHAT to whom?

"Not doing well. I hope my emotional roller coaster because of your adultery isn't going to hurt the baby. Is your ho proud of herself taking you away from me?"

Pregnant women are ALLOWED to be emotional. Ding. . .

Sorry, I couldn't help myself for the above statement. I am mad about the whole situation.

Larry

Please, please listen to the advice that you are receiving from the vets regarding exposure...full exposure. You are hearing the voices of success guiding you to your own best chance of marital success.

If the stories of success do not move you, perhaps the hindsight of failure will help you. A half-baked exposure or plan A/B will do you more harm than what you are fearing from following the vets' advice. They will get to her friends before you do, telling them perhaps that you trapped your husband into staying with you by becoming pregnant. They will spin the story so that you become some pathetic, spineless woman. They will take your strength and your best weapon (exposure), and turn it into a weakness. In turn, your husband will take this perceived weakness and use it to cheat you out of assets, alimony and child support.

EXPOSE THEM NOW. You can't uncrack this egg. You have a small window for exposure to be effective.

Don't be sorry about a statement like that, Larry - be proud! It's one of the best lines on the forum!

Thank you Linus. I get in trouble around here sometimes by saying things people don't want to hear.

Larry

KK, all you have to do in order to expose to her FB friends is to search her friends' names. Click on their names to open their profiles. Under their avatar, click on "send _____ a message". When the box pops up, type in your message and hit send. Go to the next friend.

HINT: Before you send your message the first time, highlight it, and hit Control and "C" to copy it; then, on each subsequent message box, hit Control and "V" to paste it and then send.

I think you can only do a few of her friends at a time like this, but just wait a little bit and go do some more until you get through the entire list.

Thank heavens.
Better expose on FB now before OW gets to spin her story talking about how crazy and insanely jealous you are and how you�re stalking her and spreading rumors about her and....