A little background: I was twice divorced. Two years ago my old boyfriend came back into the picture. We had not seen or talked in over ten years. He located me through several resources and we began dating after 6 months or so. The first 6 motnhs was great. We spent every moment possible together and my kids and his daughter became very close. Last September we moved in together...we both felt we had lost so much time and it was becoming unbearable to stay away from each other.

The issue: I live an hour away from the city. He is a director/cinematographer...meaning his work, meetings, everything is inside the city. We are both 28 years old. We fell on hard times and it became almost impossible for him to make it out there and back. Slowly he bagan staying at his sisters on occassion, two or three days at a time. Then he flew out of state to visit his 3 other kids. We have had trust issues, which have recently been resolved. I had found an email to another female asking her if she wanted to be in his movie. He then invited her and her daughter out to the museum. He spent the weekend with me, thus he did not go. However the fact he did not tell me about this "meeting" possibility made me feel he had negative intentions. So I called her. This was a mistake as nothing was going on and both she and he were upset. He was embarrasssed this girl now knew our problems. However, due to the call I found I could trust again.

It has been almost 3 weeks he has been staying at his sisters house. He has came over a few times. The last time was for an hour between shoots. Before that was last friday. We have been intamate maybe 3 times in the past month. I get the feeling he wants to break it off. When I try to talk to him about it he freaks out and says if we broke up hed just spend the next 10 years obsessed with me again. But then I wont hear or see from him for days...I will text him and it will take 3 or 4 hours for him to reply. Hes sending mixed signals. We were supposed to get a house closer to the City next week, but Im having signifanct doubts because of the mixed signals. Im terrified now I am right back in the same situation I was before. I will send him a text saying I just need to hold him...a hug or a kiss...he will say I will be there tomorrow and then he does not show. Last night he said he would be here and he did not show. I said I was going to just drive out there and he said he was not at his sisters but at his brothers. I said I would go there and it was perfect because it was 30 minutes closer. He never responded back to me. Am I ignoring red flags or making too much out of nothing?

There are definite red flags because he is avoiding you. I am not going to out right say he is cheating because from a guy's point of view, it sounds like he is being distant because of what happened so early on in the relationship. Making that call to the girl seems like high school to me and I would have been irritated. It still happened and you can't change that, but at the same time he should have told you about it. Remember though, just because she said nothing was going to happen, doesn't mean it wouldn't have. That is how things start and he should have stayed away from that. Friendships can lead to other things very easily.

I think you need to back off and give him his space. I know if I were in his shoes, the last thing I want to hear is about how much you need me. Independence attracts me, but everyone is different.

Best of luck to you,
H4L

Keeping secrets that he is going on a date with OW and her DD.

Stays away for periods of time.

You think that this OW is going to tell you the truth, your WH is banging my brains out?

TheRoad, they aren't married so he isn't a WH.
I got the impression the "OW" was job related, not personal.
However, I see huge red flags as it reeks of my ex and my marriage...the fact that he doesn't follow through, and he says whatever will appease things but it doesn't mean anything, is the biggest red flag to me, coupled with the fact that he is staying away increasingly longer times and doesn't seem to have the same desire/need for her as she does for him.
I'd cool it and see how it goes, but realize it may not end with the result you're hoping for...this guy just doesn't sound like marriage material, at least not with you and not at this time. You have to ask yourself, do you really want to be in a relationship where you can't trust the other person? The anxiety and hurt is unbearable to live with! Listen to what your own inner instincts are trying to tell you and do what is healthy for yourself. Right now concentrate on YOU, develop friendships, interests, etc. and keep busy in your own life, make positive choices for yourself, that will help you feel better about yourself so no matter what the outcome is, you know you are a great person and will go on to have a great life.
And...hugs!!