IMO, telling OMW is tomorrow's battle. Tonight's is not committing suicide - a permanent non-solution to a temporary, albeit gut-wrenching problem.

Adultery takes many years to recover from.

The families of suicides never recover.

Sick, please check in tomorrow morning and let everyone know you're ok. If I'm not around it means my power is out - we're having major ice problems around here right now and all the power lines are drooping.

She doesn't need her BH's permission to expose OMW.

She is an adult.

She gets on the phone when BH is home and sell calls the OMW and tells OMW I boffed your H. Apologizes to OMW, offers to answer OMW questions about the affair. Answers them in front of BH.

Then she will can say been there, saw it, done that, bought the shirt.

Edit to add she is an adult and adults do not need permission to apologize.

Did she get permission to have an affair?

Geting permission is just like badges. Badges? What badges?Don't need no stinkin badges!

I think this is a very important message and bears repeating.

When I was younger, in active alcoholism and believed I was my own Higher Power, I kept thinking that if there was a God he would reveal himself to me in some sort of "burning bush" way.

In early sobriety I came to realize that God sends me messages all the time. I just have to go to meetings to pick them up.

(And if I have to be more explicit, that's just a cute way of saying that God uses people to be His messengers to me. I simply need to be open to hearing them.)

How are you today, Sick? I had my power outage, and got it back at least for now.

Please?

Bump

Last night I finally confessed to my husband everything that I could remember. I confessed that I had lied for a year--a year! How stupid can I be and still breathe! I continued to lie and trickle truth. My inaction has failed to prove anything. My words are lies and can't be trusted. I have failed to accomplish the simplest things that could have helped my marriage. Hindsight is definitely 20-20. I am a fool and a liar and a cheater. I am nothing more than a typical cheating wife who follows all the classic symptoms. Lies, lies, lies, and more lies. Stupidity, idiocy, denial, sin. I LIED. I LIED. Idiot!

Gamma, Neak, Marital bliss, turtlehead, Fred, The Road, and everyone else who gave me advice--you are all idiots for believing me. I am a lying, cheating, slut who deserves what she gets. I should have worked harder and not lied. A half-truth is still a lie.

Several posts back someone mentioned to you to look at a pastor's posts in the "in recovery" portion of the forum. Well, I'm that pastor. My FWW had her A with a member of my congregation. When I found out about it, others began finding out about it too. I lost my job, my income, our home, my good name, everything. I didn't stay and fight, I resigned as quickly as I could and tried to get out before my kids heard anything and also to protect my wife's name. We moved away and we had to start completely over in every respect.

I have been resentful, angry, and even filled with hate for almost 5 years. I have kept my wife in a prison of unforgiveness for most of that time. I have discovered that i am a sel-righteous fool, because I am far from blameless in my life. No, I haven't committed adultery, but I have sure done othe things that were very hurtful to my FWW. I have recently released her from this prison and as a result I am feeling free now. Your husband is wrong, but I understand where he's coming from.
He's in Hell! He's hurt. He's lost his manhood. He's lost his confidence. He's resentful and angry. He probably triggers constantly over the A. But, even with that being said, he has no right to hold you in prison.

You are worth something! You are the apple of God's eye. You are created in His image. But, we are all fallen creatures that have a fallen human nature that is prone to follow sin. If you have God's forgiveness that's the most important thing.

See if your H will read this reply and comment and I'd be happy to talk to him.

I read you post and cried, because it showed me what I had been doing to my wife. I love her and will always love her and I don't want to hold her in this prison any longer. I will be praying for you!!!!

Okay, you feel better,now that you've whipped yourself? Good. Now settle down. We're not here to demand penance from you. We're not here to stand in judgment of you and we're not idiots for believing you. So scratch all of that and listen to me:

You have trickle-truthed your H. Coming clean with him yesterday, late though that confession may be, is your new beginning. Your H has got a lot to process now, and recovery from his D-Day has just begun. How will he respond to this? That's up to him. He may leave you. He may stay. At this point he gets to make that decision. All you can do is look at this day as your beginning. Of no more lies, no more half-truths. You owe it to your H to be as transparent and honest as you can be, and to be there for him 100% if that is what he wants.

Stop beating yourself up. May I suggest that you are making it all about you when you do that? So quit it. It's not about you, now. It's about your H.

I refuse to take ownership for one tiny bit of your actions. Your actions, and the time I took to post to you cannot possibly make me an idiot if I'm not already one. You lied, it's all on you.

Glad you're alive, that's good. Coming clean with your BH was also good.

Now get started reading and learning. You'll have the same steps you need to take to recover yourself as to attempt to recover your marriage, so get busy.

You don't have time for a pity party.

I am still searching the past and searching my brain for anything that I haven't been completely honest about. I don't care how old or how insignificant. I just want everything out in the open. He says that it is too late and that he just can't trust me. After a year of lying I can understand. It is just that he really is the love of my life. He may have treated me horribly in the past but I still love him more than life itself. I just have to find a way to prove it to him. He says he is leaving and wants an easy divorce. I don't want a divorce. I will always love him. Losing him was always my biggest fear. I have brought it upon myself. I don't know what to do just now, but I am not giving up. I have to prove to him that I am once again the godly woman he needs. I am still holding on to faith that God can take my heinous sin and turn it around for good. I don't want my kids to hurt like I am. Every time that I think about the fact that I threw away a 23 year marriage for one night of stupidity makes me sick. I haven't really eaten in three days. If he really leaves, I don't know what I'll do. I don't want a divorce. I love him!

I just started a temp job for the first time in over 12 years. It is putting a strain on us and our time but we need the money. He said it was ok to take the job but now I don't know. How can I get the possibility of divorce off of his mind?

SandD,

Gamma,...and everyone else who gave me advice--you are all idiots for believing me. I am a lying, cheating, slut who deserves what she gets.

No we are not idiots, it takes awhile for a person to reveal the whole truth, and often times when a person had a frantic tone in their postings, it means they are hiding details they are terrified will come out. You are hardly a slut you had sex with one person.

It is good that you have all the truth out now rather than 6 months from now! You are were you need to be now.

God Bless
Gamma

Again, sick - it's not about you. It's about your H. He needs to decide what he's going to do. All you can do is try to be the best person you can be, from here on out.

God isn't going to take anything and turn it around. He blessed you with the brains to do that yourself. So...do it. Say to yourself, over and over "I am a good person who made a bad decision." Create positive actions in your life that will validate you as a good person. Be the best mom you can be. Be the best employee you can be. Make it a point to make a positive difference in someone's life every day, even if it's just to give them a friendly smile. Mainly, be the best wife you can be. Every day. That's all you can control - yourself. Not your H.

I pray that he let me continue to be his wife. I am scared out of my mind.

Maybe try praying that God's will, not yours, be done.

Gamma, I for one would have no problem applying the sl*t term to anyone who was involved in adultery, regardless of how few people they had sex with.

HOWEVER

God's way, and Dr. H's way, both show how to turn a sl*t into an ex-sl*t. Better than that, a beautiful and healed child of God, washed as clean as if they had never sinned.

sick,

I would draft a letter and expose to the OMW. You keep a copy of the letter so that BH can see what it says if he wants to down the road. Someone needs to take the first step to get off the merry-go-round. Your BH is as lost as you are.

I disagree. BH looks like he is lost and struggling.


I disagree again. When BH asked her to call OM, she said she could not bring herself to do it so she is not willing to do anything. Then she didn't want to expose to OMW out of fear. While OP may be remorseful, it sounds like desparation is kicking in more than anything.