This sounds like a very bad story, and I am sorry that you are going through this. I always hate to see new members, because this is usually the reason they are here.

I didn't have any kids, and I can only imagine the pain this must be causing them. I went through less and I had to end things with my WW. I feel you should do the same. Listen to the experts on this site, because I didn't and fell on my face.

Just an update...


I filed for divorce this week...
It's sad but I feel like I can finally breathe again...

Gotcha. And very appropriate especially considering what just showed up in your signature. Please go back and review this thread of yours to see if there are any suggestions you ignored, blew off or just didn't see that might help you.

My original analysis was that it is going to be a war unless your Attorney is good enough to scare the devil out of him

And I betcha you get your life back.

Larry

Working very hard to regain my balance...

My WH was arrested for child endangerment when he snatched our 8 year old DS from our house after breaking through a door I had secured. He was supposed to be staying with friends.

I am so thankful to the judge who set bail - the judge slapped WH with an emergency protective order - WH can't have ANY contact with me or kids for 61 days.

I have an excellent attorney (a referral from a friend who fought a monster of a child custody battle).

The kids and I are all in IC.

To anyone who may read my story...please don't ignore the warning signs. Take the red flags that pop up seriously. Don't ever hesitate to reach out and get help.

And yea, I see all the ramifications to "His" business, which he is going to quickly learn that in Texas, it is half yours. That includes the money he is trying to hide as we speak. Hopefully you have an great Attorney who won't screw you around. The problem is that the Attorney may be lazy and not work hard to find the money, etc.

All bank accounts should be audited, the business audited by someone who knows all the tricks. Obviously you will need to be a part of that since you know where most of the bodies are located.

Play hard ball. He did for many, many years. And Please, don't get worn down and accept what is less than you are due: half of everything and more if you can get it including spousal support while the divorce is moving along.

Larry

TEX


This is a red flag meaning that either 1) the judge knows and doesn't like your husband, or 2) the judge knows and likes your Lawyer. This is a real good start.

The Karma bus is loading up and ready to role. But again, it is gonna be a knock down drag out fight. Be prepared and don't get tired of it.

AND, your story has merit. It wouldn't hurt you at all to show up here once in a while and help someone you see is in your old position.

Larry

JAGfT:

You were the bookie, right? You have WH's economic recoreds? Also, you said that his manager called you and alerted you to OW #1 (or was it OW#2?).
These are both very positive things for you. Make his earnings (and company earnings as transparent as you can-- make it hard for him to hide any $$$) --tho it would not hurt to have him caught trying.
#2. Use connections at the office to assure adherance to financial statements, garnishings and reporting.

You have a two month break from this insanity. Relax, breathe. Tell your children, age appropriate what is going on, try not to confuse them. I'm sure your IC is helping with this.

There has been NOT ONE sign from your WH that he is going to change. If he is an addict or serial abuser- it does not matter to you-- it is his job alone to fix his problems. They were never your fault, and you can not be blamed for his actions, nor can your children. He has years of serious mental issues to handle --ON HIS OWN. Before you even consider having ANY kind of relationship with this man.

Good luck to you- it sounds like you are heading in the right direction.

JaG,
Your story keeps getting worse and worse: serial cheater, liar, abusive, threatening, controlling, unremorseful, unrepentant, his family who hide truth from you about his temper and abusive tendencies, the list goes on and on.

I am so glad you are getting out of this situation through divorce but I would even go way way way beyond just divorcing.

Granted I know nothing but what you have written and I am not an expert in any way but IMHO he is more than dangerous. He has no boundaries, no morals, answers to no higher power or belief, the list goes on. I honestly fear for your life because it will only get worse as his world comes crumbling down. Assuming the judges and courts and your attorney are going to be hounding him month in and month out now he will just be piling up anger and resentment towards you. Can't see the kids (makes any father angry), has to divulge financial info (goes against his controlling ways), you are no longer under his controlling thumb which will make him very angry, he has already been abusive without consequences!!! Do you see the pressure building up in him as this process goes on??? You need extra extra safety and security precautions. Alarm systems, restraining orders that need to be called in immediately if he is 1 foot over the line so he knows there are IMMEDIATE and real (jail) consequences for harrasing you. Again this is just my opinion and I know how hard it must be to have to do this to someone you loved but please be safer than safe. Your kids need you more than ever.

Here's the new scoop...

Soon to be XH has an emergency protective order against him - it means no contact with me or kids of any kind or he goes straight to jail and gets fined $4000. I also have the option of making it "permanent" which actually means 2 years in TX if he acts up in any way whatsoever.

According to my attorney, the judge who'll reside over our case doesn't take crap off anyone and very much follows the law to make decisions in the best interest of the kids involved. My attorney plays hard ball very well. So I've got alot going for me.

I saved copies of every piece of financial data (business and personal) I could get my hands on - this has all been turned over to my attorney. You guys following my nightmare would be proud - I had the previous 6 years tax returns, profit and loss statements for every year our business has operated, balance sheets, records of business loans and payoff dates, the settlement papers from when we bought our current house, soon to be XH credit card statements and spending patterns.

But here's a new kicker and I'd love to hear what any of you think:

My future XH sent a letter by mass e-mail to friends, relatives and business associates (including parents of my kids' friends) "sharing" with all about his actions since 2006. I learned of this letter tonight from a friend who received a copy right before she and her husband were asked by my MIL to testify on my H's behalf if there's a custody dispute. My friend said no way to testifying. Anyway this letter contained info about his 4 affairs (the only date he gave was the first one from 2006). He also copped to getting physical with me a couple of times. He included alot of "God" talk, forgiveness ramblings, how this all happened years ago (affair 4 ended 11/2008 & he was in strip clubs and had a porn subscription in 2009) and so on.

Any opinions on what angle he's taking - cause I know he's up to something?!?!
He sent this letter to my parents as well. I also saw replies from his mother and sister as they cc'd everyone on the list - which happened to include that he has their complete forgiveness, total support, how proud they are of him, he's a good man, etc. GAG!!

Maybe I'm venting but what kind of sick game is he playing now???

Side ? - anyone heard of www.ashleymadison.com - tagline "life is short, have an affair" - future XH had a profile on this site in 2009 too.

I am way too educated on creepy affair behavior!!

He is pre-empting any potential exposure of his actions. How nice of them to "forgive" him for the abuse he heaped on you and your kids!

Ok TX, as your Attorney is likely to tell you, WH has screwed up in a major, major way. He is attempting to preempt. That isn't what he accomplished. Glossing over doesn't change the facts as he detailed them.

He is basically supplying the rope at his own hanging, if your Lawyer can get those emails introduced. His mother and father are supplying their own version of a rope to hang themselves as well.

That is my take. Get copies and give them to your Attorney. I suspect he will LHAO, web shorthand for laugh his a.. off. Rules of evidence in a family law court are a bit different and your Lawyer is best placed to both understand that and to deal with it. In my opinion, you don't need anyone to attest but I could be wrong.

Good going TX, glad to see that you have seized control of your life.

Larry

Oh, I also think that economic abuse is indicated in your case, ask the Lawyer about that. Take a copy of the Dayton wheel of abuse to him and see what he thinks. Did I mention that to you before - the Wheel of Abuse?

Larry

TX

Finally, I completely agree this guy can be dangerous for the reasons stated:

Get an alarm system right NOW. Learn to use it RIGHT NOW, faithfully, every time, no exceptions. See the broadview commercials - they are real life examples. In other words, as soon as you enter a door, turn it on, without exception, every time, period.

Carry your cell phone with you, always. Have it set by your cell phone place or yourself to dial 911 by simply pushing the one button and holding it down.

Protect yourself. Do not depend exclusively on the protective order. That order will NOT stop and angry and determined abuser.

Be scared and act prudently. You have reason to be. Heck, this is Texas. Think about a gun course, target practice and all that.

Larry

Larry,

Thank you so much for all of your input, advice and concern! I appreciate it more than you could possibly know!

My boys & I are staying with family right now. I won't go back to the family home until locks are changed and alarm system is in place (great idea by the way).

The soon to be XH has sent more letters out since yesterday - now detailing his arrest, his mistreatment by police, his night in jail & of course his version of the events that led him to take our sleeping 8 y o DS away from me and our home in the middle of the night and drive off with him (My DS was in his underwear).

I'm keeping my mouth shut & forwarding everything to my attorney.

My hearing for temporary orders is Wednesday, 3/10/2010.

IMHO, it works like this:

An abuser believes they are acting in their own self interest and only has a vague idea that they are not doing the right thing that might get them in trouble. When caught, they go into justify mode and actually think that someone, much like their parents will appreciate the reasons they did whatever.

And of course their parents have been enabling their garbage for a lifetime, one of the key reasons why they are abusers.

In effect, they start pouring gasoline on the fire. And people are out there shaking their heads in disgust. Some few are saying to themselves, "Poor guy." Those are enablers.

Hang in there, times will get better.

Oh, and there was a recent article about a lack of enforcement in Texas for restraining orders. With a tough Judge, the Sheriff will almost certainly enforce them in your case, or Police Chief, as the case may be. They do NOT want the Judge on their case. Self Interest trumps all. Recent publicity will also put pressure on in your behalf.

I have no idea what you did that got a mod to delete your post and I don't want to know. But no big deal, it was probably something trivial.

Be careful.

Larry

About other post...said something about ashleymadison.com

evidently I'm the only poor schmuck who hasn't heard of it!!

. .. and like most things associated with adultery, it is a total scam, fake, don't believe a word, etc.

Larry

hello JAG

Just wanted to recommend a few things you might find interesting really from the point of view of getting some kind of understanding of his behaviour .

As with infidelity the actions of abusive partners are, to my surprise, very similar.It can be almost as if all abusers have been to the same school.

There is a book called VerbalAbuse by Patricia Evans and a website of the same name dealing exclusively with your sitch. It also has with a discussion forum similar to this

I can also heavily recommend another book called STALKING THE SOUL by MARIE-FRANCE HIRIGOYEN she is a victimologist working in France where there is ,apparently , a huge problem with domestic violence

Both books are available at Amazon.

Best Wishes and Good Luck
You are doing all the right things however I think it helps to be as well informed as possible.

PS In your h's current mode he is doing a switch from abuser to victim to to garner sympathy and support from any one who cares to listen this is a very childish technique It is too bizarre to be believable.

JaGFTX,
Any updates?