Hello I am new to these forums.

I am wondering if anyone here has experience dealing with the anger and rage you feel after finding out about your partners affair?

I am so angry and I am finding it so hard to not stick a bannana in his tail pipe or key her car. I can't believe he has done this to me. To our family.

How long has it been since you found out?

I know there will be anger and hurt regardless but I think the amount depends a lot on the wayward spouses attitude on recovery and whether or not they are being difficult through the process.

I have come to find writing in a journal/notebook helpful to deal with the anger. I tend to write about 20 pages at a time each time I am frustrated/anger/emotional/etc. I have filled several notebooks since January 12, 2010.

Time is the most effective thing. You really just have to hang on tight until the roller coaster levels out.

Yes, anger and RAGE are a normal reaction to being abused. It is part of the recovery process. You can't fix normal.

Is NC in place? Has the A been exposed?

Try not to physically attack him. It'll get you no points and you'll wish you hadn't done it, believe me.

Do you have a place where you can go to vent? A basement? Head there when you feel a rant coming on. Take a pillow with you. Once you're there, pound the absolute sh*t out of the pillow. Pretend it's whomever you're enraged with at the moment: your WH, the OW, whoever. Regular physical exercise will help you relieve the stress, as well. And you can come on here to vent whenever you want - we'll listen and help you through it.

I just now posted about this to Hurt But Hopeful, on her thread "Just TOO Angry." You might want to check that thread and see if there's anything there that will help you.

It has been a week today since I found out for sure. I had my suspicions previously and that led me here. I didn't want to post until I was sure.

When I confronted him it was a catastrophe. He since then has stayed his distance. I basically blew up at him. He has also shown a non-chalant "I don't care" attitude about everything. Reminds me of a mouthy Emo teenager. His cell phone is glued to his side so I think that may be my next target. Would it be wrong of me to add some benedryl to his night cap? J/k I am not that devious.

I will buy a journal today. Any suggestions on a good durable pillow? I know I am going to need it. I promise not to smuther him during his drug induced sleep. Sorry when I am stressed jokes tend to help me through things. I think it is a defense mechanism.

I am still feeling very angry and do my best to try to control it. But I feel like it gets so overwhlming sometimes I just want to scream at the heavens but I know my neighbors will call the cops in a heartbeat.

I am having a hard time eating. My stomach is in knots and I have already lost 5 lbs since I first became suspicious. When will this ease so i can feel some sense of sanity so I can focus? Is there anything I can do to help it?

I'm so sorry. Read through the site and take in all the input you can. You are not alone. Stay strong.

After my w told me about the affair. I was very very angry. I wanted to kick the s out of they a-hole. But I thought about what would happen if I did. Assault charges and jail just dont suit me and beside she went to him. He was a client for her business. He Said all the right words and got what he wanted despite the fact he knew she was married. I took my anger out when she was gone one day I shooted out every nasty thing I could think of about her and beat the crap out a door.(I need a new one now) We are in counseling and she says she regrets it all happening. She wants to find out why it happened. Even asking the other why. It's very hard to maintain my anger. I have always been fairly well controlled. I just hope I never meet the a-hole because I know I will loose it.

Consider anti-depressants. I didn't take them when I first found out, but I know others here who have and have reported good results. It may also help your appetite. Look, sw, I've lost over 50 lbs since D-Day and I'm within a heartbeat of being anorexic. My sitch, and I've got to work on it - don't want to thread-jack. I'm just saying DON'T get into a pattern of not eating.

Goose-down pillows have a nice heft to them, and make a very satisfying "woomph" when slammed against the floor. Or H's head. Kidding!

I am so sorry this happened to you
I like you am new here
YES I have been so mad I don't know what to do
And the hurt is unreal so I know what you are going through
I have thought the same thing as you
How could he do this...
I have known for awhile now I said NO contact but he is still emailing..
I don't know what to do so I can relate to you ...
Hang in there...
Wanted to say to I have lot 40 lbs since this started and get bad headaches... But I found out 12 months ago
he moved back months 9 months ago
all seems to be good for him but not me by a long shot.

I hope you find peace. If he doesn't stop then you should get out. I know allot of people put up with affair and suffer from daily. Is it worth it?