Hi all, I�m really new to this. I�m still waiting on my books to come in to read (SAA & HNHN). My story is a little unusual and I have completely LB for that last 1 � months.

Let me begin by saying that I am not married, but my boyfriend and I have been together for 13 years, own a beautiful home and have no children. When we first got together, we were both going through a divorce where our spouses had cheated on us. It was a match made in heaven, we were both there to support and fell in love. We�ve had a wonderful 12+ years. He has always been one to tell me that cheating is one of the worst things anyone could ever do to someone. He knew the pain that it caused, and almost told me weekly that he can�t understand why people do that to each other. So this is why I�m having such a difficult time right now.

Boyfriend will soon be 45 and I�m 38. I started to notice a change in him late spring of 2009. He took extra on call at work, hid his phone, started working out, told me hid didn�t have much time left in his life, etc. You see we were pretty much inseparable. We did everything together..we were best friends, so this was really bothering me. Every time he came home, I was angry and yelled and upset. I was accusing him of having an affair, but he kept denying it, and I believed him just based off what he has told me throughout our relationship. He kept this up for the last six months, and told me that he wanted to take the extra on-call because I was always so angry that he didn�t want to listen to it.

Well January 15th of this year came around. We both work for the same company and he called me to tell me he was being called in by his manager. We both knew something was up and sure enough he was put on administrative leave for being places he wasn�t supposed to be during the day. He was eventually fired because of it. A few weeks after the fact I learned he was visiting with some girl a couple of hours during the day. Now it wasn�t every day, but around 2 times a week. He told me that she was a girl that he was helping out because he felt sorry for her and her kids. He met her two years ago. I was devastated when I heard this, but he told me there was no sexual relationship with her. He then told me that he wanted me to move out of my house to give him space. He didn�t want to be around anyone. He was ashamed and embarrassed at work (he took a lot of pride in what he did), and now the whole company knew of what he did.

So I obliged and left for 5 weeks. During that time, he decided to paint my truck so no one would know who he was (weird). He was too embarrassed. About 2 weeks ago I did catch him with one of the daughters of the girl. He told me she had no one to pick her up and he was just helping her, but has had no contact with the OW. I don�t believe him.

I decided to move back in this past weekend to see if we could possibly rebuild our relationship. He told me that he still doesn�t want any relationship with me or anyone else but he still loves me. He won�t open up at all about his relationship with her. I still do not know who this person is. I know where she lived, but she moved out like two weeks after all this happened. I have tried to snoop, but I gave everything away as soon as I learned them to him (BIG MISTAKE). I just panicked and couldn�t stop. So one big thing he went and did was buy a prepaid phone so I couldn�t track his calls or where he is. I�ve LB the whole 5 weeks I was gone and continued it again last night. I can�t seem to get the truth out of him. He is home every single night, so if anything is happening it�s during the day while I�m at work (now that he doesn�t have a job). I�m just at a lost on what to do to get him to tell the truth and to work our relationship out.

Please help.

Sorry this was so long winded.

Why�

He's been cheating all along. Deep down...you know it.

If you need to hear the truth:

Hide a voice activated digital recorder in his car and/or ask him to take a polygraph BEFORE you commit to making the relationship work.

Actually, he won't take a polygraph until the affair is over and he's actively trying to win you back (which neither appears the case right now). So snoop better.

Why didn't you two get married??? What he's doing isn't adultery since he's single. Hurtful...yes (I understand you are devastated), but technically it just means you've got competition for a single man.

Mr. Wondering

We were both deeply hurt with our last marriage that it just never happened (getting married that is). I do know my circumstances are different than most, but we have lived like we are married.

We went away for the weekend last weekend and had a wonderful time. I just don't know what his state of mind is right now. He tells me every single day that he is not involved with anyone and doesn't want to be, but he acts like he wants to continue in a relationship with me at times. That's why I'm confused. I thought about the voice activated thing in his car, but he would catch on. He knows I'm trying to snoop.

I just don't know what I'm doing these days.

Get better at snooping....

Snooping 101

Mr. W