I absolutly agree that MB would work for any relationship, sexually active or not we all need to own our own baggage. I also think that MB concepts should be used in relationships prior to marriage to ensure we don't enter into them with unrealistic expectations

Logistics (live 25 miles apart) and work issues (weekend on call retail) seem to be driving our SF. My fear is that if we change logistics and work issues, will SF be met?... The ball is in my court...

The real question is, are you enthusiastic about being in a relationship with someone where logistics get in the way of sex? In my experience on discussions boards (don't have any real life experience), in relationships where both partners have high libidos, they find a way to overcome the logistics to be together. To me, the fact that 25 miles of separation are able to interfere with sex in the early days of a relationship, at an age where the problem is not "I live with my parents and don't have a car", is a huge red flag and the sirens are ringing. Keep your eyes (and mind) open.

Good luck. Hope it works out for you.

Yeah when the libido is there it could be like "Radar Love..'

I drove those long nights and went without sleep for those needs when I was younger. At this age and with different Ens it also would be different.

I think that I agree with the immortal words and song of Jimmy Buffett -- "Why don't we get drunk and screw..." It's quite possible that he is a prophet.....

who needs to get drunk?

Why is it that so many people seem to assume that they will have no sex life after the age of 60 (or 50, or 55, or 65)?

It seems like a lot of the marital problems here stem from one spouse tapering down their interest in a sexual relationship with their spouse, without any discussion, until it becomes a serious problem? That implies that they accept their behavior as normal.

Lol yeah, its like realizing there are times when you can think with the wrong head..

Retread I am with you on the "sex will diminish when you get older thing so accept it" If people are close enough and willing to please each other sexually it lasts for as long as thier is no health risk. I love hearing about elder couples staying intimate.

I am not saying that necessarily, "sex will diminish when you get older thing so accept it". I am saying that just because you are not aroused as often that you should have sexual relations less often.

When you are fifty years old, neither you nor your spouse are as attractive as you used to be, certainly not as attractive as you used to think you were. So neither of you is the big turn-on you once were. That means you have to make up for it with how you act and talk.

And you have to make a conscious effort, or you won't do it as much. It's like exercise. When you were young, you didn't have to think about exercise. You liked it. You liked playing ball, running, swimming, riding bicycles. One day you realize you have to make yourself get up and go to the gym or running. You do it because you know it's good for you, it makes you feel good, makes you feel good about yourself, and once you get started, you still like it.

If you just sit around waiting until you feel like exercising, you'll never do it. Same with making love. If you sit around and say, "I'll do it when the mood strikes me", you will do it less and less. You had better do it every time the mood strikes your partner. And like calorie counting and exercise logs, you might want to keep track to see how little effort you are making.

Oh yeah I know you were not saying that retread..

I agree with you also on that post too.

I intend to keep having SF with my H until the day I die. Erk, that sounds revolting.

I'm nearly 56 and my H is 61. He *blush* could make an 18 year old boy envious.

INTEND is the key word to make that happen.

That is awesome and the way it should be.

Today Mrs. Hold said "you are stuck with me forever and you just don't get it silly". She meant that I don't appreciate how much she loves me. I replied "you are right, that is exactly the problem, I just don't get it. Everything else is fine except for not getting it." I can't believe I said that out loud.

Good play on words lol.

I have a question for you girls..

Is the reason so many women lose desire for sex related to some unrealistic,(or realistic, the jurys still out), expectation that has not been fufilled by the husband?

I don't believe that all women who seem to lose the sex drive really lose it if they once had it but more that everything else that surrounds the act changes because they don't feel loved anymore.

So I guess another way to ask is...

Does what turns you on fit into a devoted relationship? What is the mindset that you have/had where you desire to have sex?

I understand that this probably has as many different answers as there are people and I am sure there are women who have grown as well as men in sexual maturity..


I just beleive and have heard of marriages where sex is hot into old age. I know its possible and have had good times and bad times with my late wife before she started having bad problems. I respectivly pursued her relentlessly and we thought we would be chasing each other at the nursing home. When she started to reject me it was the most painful part of our lives together for me..
But thats my story..

What do the girls think? Anyone got a story about expectations?

Why don't women want sex anymore:

1. They stop having sex for a time ....and want less of it

2. Thier man approaches them in a "turn off kind of way">

3. Thier man gropes them

4. Thier man expects sex

5. Thier man does not make sex pleasurable for them

6. The woman does not know what she likes in bed

7. The woman is so busy all the time with kids, work, home, that she cannot even think about things like sex, eating or sleeping.

8. There is no alone time made for sex

9. No ritual made for sex to happen

10. No planning for sex, it is as if it is unimportant.

11. When life is busy and in an upheaval, sex is not a priority and gets down there on the list.

12. The more good sex a woman gets, the more she wants it

13, The less good sex a woman gets the less she wants it.

14. There is very little time in the family, or quiet, or calmness...no time for sex.

15. Birth control issues loom.

16. Too many demands for a human being. A human woman.


If you are smart you can bring good sex back into your lives, It will take persistance and bravery. I did it. It took three years. You can too.

I'll add another one. I like a lot of personal space. When my kids were younger and needed to be held a lot and were constantly touching me... I really needed some time away from physical contact.

Also, I think there is a lot of misconceptions out there. Women sometimes miss how important sex is in a relationship. It's the glue that holds it all together and makes the relationship unique. Men fail to realize that to women not all sex is good sex, and that just because you've had us a zillion times, it doesnt' mean you can skip the seduction part. Unless your wife is into a dominant, direct approach, but even then there's usually some sort of warm up.

And nothing will erode a sexual relationship faster than a lack of trust.

Drying the dishes while she washes or vice versa, I have been told is sexy, especially with comments like, gorgeous and sexy and I love yous, etc. Walking up behind her and wrapping her in your arms for no reason and no groping, I have been told is sexy.

A well trained husband means he is trained. Training takes communication. All too often, women want spontaneous. Which I guess is why they start thinking and preparing early in the day. LOL

What are men supposed to do for training, read Harlequins? Tell us what you like ladies.

Larry

I read harlequins when I was a kid cuz I was a book hound and yeah, you can get an idea of how women who read harlequins think of romance..lol.


Bubbles those were all good reasons why women might not want sex anymore. I would love to pick apart some of the things you stated in a defensive way but then I realized you were not blaming men for everything.

I mean, "Because she doesn't know what she wants".. is a tough one. Old school was the man would ask what she wants and she might just say "Oh darling, whatever pleases you, you allways make me happy" or then again she might hold some deep dark twist of kinky that she somehow can't see herself doing because .."Well I would feel sleazy with doing that with my husband" As if we were now put in some strange place where we were only supposed to act and respond in the missionary position or we had something wrong with us. Sometimes ppl are embarressed to admit they want to experiment or that sex is not satisfing for them anymore. Men who push that issue walk a fine line where they can make thier wife think they are not satisfied with them if they don't hear from her what she wants. Or if they just do what THEY want to her then they seem to be using them if they don't communicate.

I know I have just stated a problem and no apparant answer so forgive me.


I still believe that if two ppl work at proving how much they love each other and trust the other with thier very life, that deeply, then passionate sex will follow bar medical reasons.


All the practical demands of duty and responsibity to care for the family if appreciated by the other partner will strengthen the bond. Note a husband shows his appreciation by taking time to go on a date with his wife with the same respect and anticipation he had while dating. Hence making time for the ritual and planning without expectations. Make time for it to be about her. Sex ussually follows if your not trying for it to hard.

Honest communication in an intimate trusting relationship where love is shared, treasured and built is all we can expect from life with someone else. Assuming that the other party does not have deep emotional issues that they hide for no apparent reason I think all obstacles between them can be overcome.

Respecting that your partner is a different person than you and not living like they owe you keeps the relationship fresh and new evry moment they take their time with you.