Real tuff beating up a door.

Real smart giving WW excuse to take off to be able to see the OM and get a RO to throw you out of the house.

Think things through and act is better then just reacting.

Question :

Was she not at home when you punched thru that door?

The reason I ask that is beacuse its quite differnt to SEE a door being punched while you are standing few inches away and its a whole other thing to come home and find a door with a hole in it.

The second senario is not as fear producing as the first IMHO.

Is there anything else in your MOOD that is making this a pattern and if you so REALLY need to get a place to vent your pain and anger and it can't be your WS.

Your MOOD and angry threats are not going to help hasten up the NC process. When you are feeling this anger and betrayal plan A seems like the last thing you want to hear about BUT if you truly want to save your M you are going to have to find a way to embrace Plan A.

Otherwise you are only going to end up HELPING your WS justify why their A was the right choice in the first place.

Some days are good for me and I am feeling little stress and others are worse. Especially when she is gone for a couple of hours and won't answer her cell. I had no issues before this now everytime she does something like this I get suspicious. I am starting to think about ending it. My 1st wife did this to me too and it's just to painfull.I'll keep going to tharapy for my own sanity. If she is really telling the truth and not seeing the other guy then she has allot of proving to do. I feel that once you taste the forbidden truth it hard not to take another bite. I believe that is where she is at. Right now she has all the control and I have none. I think it's time to turn the tables.

I was home alone when I punched the door.

And where are these basic concepts and this plan A ?

kingblue, some people just cannot endure the kind of abuse your wife is dealing out and the best bet for them is to go into Plan B sooner, rather than later. I would not have lasted for 2 seconds if my H had continued his affair without causing some serious harm. I sounds to me like you are already at the end of your rope.

Do you have the book Surviving an Affair? If I were in your shoes, I would read up on Plan B and completely separate until she ends her affair and commits to the marriage. Otherwise, the damage caused by enduring her abuse may be unsurmountable.

I do not own the book. Can you give me some pointers or may a link to some?

KB, you can get it at amazon, or they sell it cheap here on the website: here

Is there anything on this site I should be looking at?

KB, check out this article here.

I read this and it make perfect sense to me. I also used part of it already. I told my wife not to have contact with the other guy and she has agreed. But here is what realy bothers me. She wants to find out why it happened in her mind and from his perspective too. That would be breaking the no contact rule. She then starts to cry hard saying she never meant to hurt me and wishes it never happened. And then I am dealing with her answering her phone when I call her from work. My work is 50 miles from home and I work 12 hour shifts.

Then she has not agreed to end contact and has told you this. She is pursuing the OM, KB, to continue her affair because she is addicted to him. The only solution is to end contact for life.

Has this affair been exposed? Affairs thrive on secrecy and exposure is the most powerful weapon you have against an affair. Check out this newsletter about exposuire: Exposure

KB, I have no doubt she has been with the OM all weekend. Who is this OM? Is he married? Do you have children?

The OM is not married and I found his ex and she wants nothing to do with him. In fact she has a restraining order on him. I don't know if he has children but I do and some of the know about the a. I looking him up in the courts system and he has multiple domestic abuse case dating back to 91. I don't think she went see him since her car only shifts up to 2nd gear. I know he can meet her. She still swears she is not seeing him. But the other night when we had s after she got home she was already wet. She said it was from our phone conversation and that was looking forward to it.

But she is a liar, KB. I went back and read your old thread so I am now up to speed on your situation.

She is either with him or has met a new one. I suspect it is the same one.

You are gas lighting yourself. Ugh. . .

Listen to Mel mate.

Oh, great winner she picked, eh?

Larry

I hope not ML but it so I am done with it. If she decides to go with him afterward I suppose she will be the next victim.
He's a bad boy larry. I thought a 50 year old woman would know better.
I have to say this is very unlike her. For 20 years I never had anything to worry about. I always knew where she was and she kept me informed. It's going to very hard to let her go if she is still seeing him. But it's something I have to do.

KB,

Yes, you have every right to feel angry, betrayed, and violated.
Yes, you must control your temper and calm down anyway.
Come here to vent � all of us BSs vent here � it�s way better than venting to or in front of her.
Be �cool as a cucumber� with her.
Be neutral towards her�that means LOVING but FIRM.
Most BSs (myself included in the past) do one or both extremes�they either act desperate, doormat-ish, whiny, and supplicating OR they act belligerent, hostile, and demeaning.
If you do the former, your WW will lose respect for you and find your neediness to be very unattractive.
If you do the latter, she will use it to scapegoat you as a means of continuing/resuming her affair.
As hard as it is, be �down the middle��strong, non-threatening, kind, but also firmly clear that the OM/affair is unacceptable.

Your WW, whether she is now truly �scared of you� or not, is probably using your angry outburst against you to further rationalize why she shouldn�t be with you and why the OM is �right� for her. Don�t give any more ammunition or excuses.

KB, you can't go by her word that the affair is over. That is unrealistic. Adulterers always lie. You have to find out on your own. Where is she staying? Can you go to her and just find out?

I don't think you have to let her go if she is still seeing him [unless you are done] but all the signs are there that she is still seeing him.

Yes I know where she is staying. There is one other woman there who is a roomate to her best friend who is in florida right now. They are even older than us.

Also I am trying to be down the middle. I never get real angery in front of her.

KB, you will have to investigate this on your own. You can't take her word for it. Why not drive over there?

What do you mean when you say you are 'trying to be down the middle?" Can you elaborate?