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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 19
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 19 |
Any advice for what to tell my boys?
Their dad has an emergency protective order against him and can't have contact with us until the end of April.
He has spent the last three days sending out massive emails to everyone we know (including both boys sports teams) about his A's & physical abuse of me as well as the incident that led up to the protective order, his arrest & night in jail.
Boys are 11 & 8. Any advice would be appreciated!!!
My complete story is under "surviving infidelity - in need of tough love..."
Warning: it's an UGLY story!!!
ME: 35
Plan - D: 3/1/2010
DS - 11
DS - 8
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Tell them the FULL TRUTH. The truth is always the best. Tell them everything. Kids can deal with the truth, they can't deal with lies.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 19
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 19 |
Thanks for the feedback, ML.
Had a really great talk with my 11 year old today. The kids amazes me.
ME: 35
Plan - D: 3/1/2010
DS - 11
DS - 8
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
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Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
JAG, I am so sorry for you and your boys. I applaud you for telling them the truth. My own father was a very corrupt individual and the secrecy around this caused me great harm and confusion growing up. I grew up and blamed my mother for being MEAN to my dad just because no one ever gave me the truth. This made me vulnerable to my fathers corrupt teachings when I was a teenager. I resent that my mother never told me the full truth. Dr. Harley has written extensively about telling children the truth, and here is one such excerpt: "The same can be said about telling children about an affair. My experience with the positive outcomes of hundreds of families where an affair has been exposed to children has led me to encourage a betrayed spouse not to fear such exposure. In fact, to mislead children, giving other false explanations as to why their parents are not getting along, causes children to be very confused. When they finally discover the truth, it sets an example to children that dishonesty is sometimes acceptable, making them the judge of when that might occur.
An affair is an attack on children as well as the betrayed spouse. And it's true that children are deeply affected by this form of irresponsible behavior. But it's the act of infidelity that causes children to suffer, not the exposure of it. Facts point us toward solutions. Illusion leads us astray. That's true for children as well as adults.
"
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 19
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 19 |
My kids were actually relieved to here what had been going on.
It truly explained so much to them about what's been going on in their lives and it opened a door for honest communication between us.
I'm hoping this will translate to other situations and they'll really know deep down that they can come to me because we will be honest to each other.
Kids really are amazing!!
ME: 35
Plan - D: 3/1/2010
DS - 11
DS - 8
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