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How can you call something that's done 'not at your expense' and done 'willingly' a SACRIFICE?

Sacrifice, by definition, means giving something up, typically for the greater good.

To feel you have sacrificed means you feel you have given something up.

To GIVE for the greater good is not a sacrifice. It's missing the operative word, UP.


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
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And as i have said many times Mel my issues with my marriage have nothing whatsoever to do wuth sacrificing.....

They have everything to do with the fact that my h does not see a problem with "opposite sex friendships" along with a majority of posters on this very board......

So you can bring up my thread all you want.......

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I disagree that the majority of posters on this board support opposite sex friendships. I have not seen that. Not at all. YOU should be savvy enough to know that opposite-sex friendships are not sanctioned by MB and regard that advice accordingly.


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
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Originally Posted by CWMI
How can you call something that's done 'not at your expense' and done 'willingly' a SACRIFICE?

Sacrifice, by definition, means giving something up, typically for the greater good.

To feel you have sacrificed means you feel you have given something up.

To GIVE for the greater good is not a sacrifice. It's missing the operative word, UP.

Read your own definition of the word sacrifice....... typically for the greater good...........

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Originally Posted by Still_Crazy
I reject one fundamental principle of the Harleys method....

Why not just ask me to leave your thread if that is what you want.....

I am not trying to be argumentative.

Yes, I think it would be an excellent idea for you to start a NEW thread, where you discuss YOUR methods for improving marriages.

My intent, is to discuss Harley's methods, in particular the book

Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders.
(an excellent read, I recommend to one and all)

I would very much prefer to help people understand the principles in the book, and not debate the principles with posters who disagree with the fundamentals.

So, please take your debate and disagreement of the fundamentals to your own thread. Thank you.


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Originally Posted by CWMI
I disagree that the majority of posters on this board support opposite sex friendships. I have not seen that. Not at all. YOU should be savvy enough to know that opposite-sex friendships are not sanctioned by MB and regard that advice accordingly.

I have seen it on the SAA board more times than i can count..........

And a lot of the posters do not think there is anything wrong with being friends with members of the opposite sex as long as you have EPs in place.....

I do not think you should be friends with members of the opposite sex no matter what.....

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To GIVE for the greater good is not a sacrifice.


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It's the giving UP.


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Originally Posted by Still_Crazy
And as i have said many times Mel my issues with my marriage have nothing whatsoever to do wuth sacrificing.....

No matter how you spin it, SC, sacrifice has not made your marriage a happy place. Like Dr Harley noted, those who disagree with his position are usually people who have not resolved their own marriage problems. You certainly demonstrate that truth since your own marriage is ending.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by Pepperband
Originally Posted by Still_Crazy
I reject one fundamental principle of the Harleys method....

Why not just ask me to leave your thread if that is what you want.....

I am not trying to be argumentative.

Yes, I think it would be an excellent idea for you to start a NEW thread, where you discuss YOUR methods for improving marriages.

My intent, is to discuss Harley's methods, in particular the book

Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders.
(an excellent read, I recommend to one and all)

I would very much prefer to help people understand the principles in the book, and not debate the principles with posters who disagree with the fundamentals.

So, please take your debate and disagreement of the fundamentals to your own thread. Thank you.


You do not think my debate will help others to understand your point?

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Originally Posted by Still_Crazy
[

You do not think my debate will help others to understand your point?

You are just disrupting this thread. Why not show some respect and take it to your own thread?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by Still_Crazy
You do not think my debate will help others to understand your point?

No. I do not.
I am unappreciative of this thread becoming a debate about your ideas.
Please take your debate about your ideas to a new thread.
Thank you.

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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by Still_Crazy
And as i have said many times Mel my issues with my marriage have nothing whatsoever to do wuth sacrificing.....

No matter how you spin it, SC, sacrifice has not made your marriage a happy place. Like Dr Harley noted, those who disagree with his position are usually people who have not resolved their own marriage problems. You certainly demonstrate that truth since your own marriage is ending.

My marriage is ending by MY CHOICE mel not for any other reason........


It just kills you that i can make a point so all you can do is just be nasty to people......

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I am trying to make a point to help other posters such as myself that disagree with the idea of "sacrifice" being a bad thing....


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I've not seen it, but I do not spend much time there, but I think the people on SAA who promote opposite-sex friendships on that board are wrong and harmful.

I think promoting sacrifice on this board is harmful, and confusing to people who are trying to live a MB lifestyle. I know I have been thoroughly confused by people promoting that I sit by and be nauseated by my H getting a pedicure if that's what he wants...but it's NOT MB.


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Originally Posted by Still_Crazy
It just kills you that i can make a point so all you can do is just be nasty to people......

She asked you politely to take it to your thread, SC. It is not "nasty" to point out that your own methods have not worked in your own marriage. If you are going to continually dispute Dr Harley's basic concepts, folks need to know how that has worked for you.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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SC, you have made no point at all in how how have a successful marriage with your stance on sacrifice.


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The Harleys are very clear about "sacrifice". From what I read, they say that "sacrifice" leads to "resentment". That's a basic POJA principle yes?

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Originally Posted by Still_Crazy
I am trying to make a point to help other posters such as myself that disagree with the idea of "sacrifice" being a bad thing....

"Help" them do what, SC? Get a divorce like you? You are ending your marriage... crazy


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Well if that is what MB is then maybe Pep is right and i do not want anything to do with it......

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