So, your all about Money?

Well good for you
Me, I'm about marriage and family!

Money is NOT, and never has been my primary concern.
I'd rather live in a box under a bridge, than allow OM access to OC!!

Evin if OM was a multiple billionaire!!!!!!!!!

For give me..

BUT
SO
WHAT?

That's WW's problem!








Am, I missing something here?
Or is money all you care about?

Bad, bad advice Gamma. Gack is right...OM will then have LEGAL rights to OC and I doubt he would bring anything beneficial to the table.

FF et. al.

"...in Berkeley, Calif. The Sperm Bank of California....Ruby says that the bank's research of adolescent donor conceived children has shown that more than 80 percent of them are interested in finding their donors in the future. Ruby also said that only about 30 percent of families in their first class of identity-release donors have come looking for their donors."

I can't vouch for the statistical accuracy of these statements, and perhaps Berkeley is an anomaly, however being an OC I can tell you there is a very real chance your OC will need to know.

If you keep the truth from OC there is an even more real chance OC will need to know, at some time the revelation will happen and OCs identity will unravel.

Gamma

Gamma, no one is say to keep the truth from OC. What they are saying is involving scumbag OM in RAISING the OC is a mistake.

Ok I'm really beginning to see everyone's points. To answer some more questions, the OM is a professional with a close family so at first glance, it seemed thr right thing to do for the child to allow her to knwo the grandparents, who the bio father is, etc. I am beginning to feel differently now after doing much reading here and thank you for all the posts. I also felt as the BS that it would be some sort of acknowldegment for me raising the child, if the OM would pick up some slack as far as raising or supporting the child.

I have not filed for Child support for the exact reasons stated by others... loss of control, legal rights, etc, which I feel are more important for the child to keep me as the legal father. The child will not have any less than my other children.

The OM walked away, so the NC was his choice, but other family members want to know the child, so I just thought this was better than nothing, as far as biological identity goes, for the child---hoping it would lessen the child's curiosity or sense of loss at not knowing the bio father. Cutting them off is something I'll have to think about. Knowing them has also helpted wtih exposure, in knowing the whereabouts of the OM's wife, etc.

I appreciate all the helpful posts here. Lots for me to think about.

>The OM walked away, so the NC was his choice

Exactamundo.

He's not good enough for contact with a child, imo.

All he did was donate some dna. The really, truly important stuff she's gonna learn from YOU.

And she's gonna see how REAL dads act when the time comes for her to learn the truth.

OM had his chance. He blew it. Time for a REAL man to make sure the gettin' gets done.

Boater,

I have been reading along. I am neither an OC nor have I ever had to deal with the issues of myself or my W having an OC.

But I have reared three children along with my W. what I see in your posts is confusion and I think this confusion is going to hurt you, your W, and your newest child, the OC.

First order of business is to establish priorities. So with your permission let me offer you I see as your priority list. YOu can discuss it with me after you read it.

NUMBER 1: There is no close second to this being the number one priority. It is your marriage.
It must be the top priority because without it ALL of your children get hurt. And you and your W do as well. Your W was clearly not with the concept of what marriage means. I hope that she is now.

#2 : The welfare of your children�all of them. IF you bring more drama into your lives by having OM involved with YOUR child and this OC is legally and officially YOUR CHILD, you bring drama and tension into the lives of all of the children. I firmly believe that young children should have as carefree a life as possible. It sets them up to be able to handle life�s issues on a progressive basis. And allows them to be able to address most if not all of life�s problems by the time they reach adulthood.

#3: This isn�t really a separate priority because it is part of number 1 but I think it is clear it should be listed separately so that you and your W don�t lose focus. Your W should have NO contact with her OM�NONE!

#4: To the extent you can you need to provide financial stability to your children. If your family is going without because of the extra mouth to feed THEN perhaps seeking financial support from OM is necessary. If you have health issues that make it a distinct possibility that you might no live long enough to fully raise this child, then I think bringing OM in is something to seriously consider. One poster here actually did have that issue and does now, which is one of the reasons he involved OM in his and his families life via CS.

#5: Involvement of biological relatives while a nice thing is not necessary. Your youngest has brothers and sisters. You and your W have family right? Use them.

#6: Revenge on OM. I sense that part of wanting to expose OM is the need for revenge. I understand that in fact, I would be inclined for more than just exposure. However, what purpose does it serve and how does it dovetail with what I think are higher priorities? You have to answer that. Does his W need to know about the affair? I would say yes. She needs to protect herself and her family against STD�s and other issues. You have not shot him, but the next H he messes with might. She at least needs to insist that his will be up to date.

So reflect on my list and let me know what your priority list would look like. Then sit down with your W and discuss HER priority list and see where to go.
God Bless,

JL

"One poster here actually did have that issue and does now, which is one of the reasons he involved OM in his and his families life via CS."

And is now regretted. Him and his WW can't leave the OM in the past due continued contact.

Gack,

You wrote. So,your all about Money?

Not really or I would have sued my biological fathers estate. At the very least for my half brothers and sisters who lived lives in hell, while he quietly exited the scene, pretending to be a pious man for the rest of his life.

However OMs should provide just compensation for the damage they do to the lives of OC, and money is one form of compensation, a small compensation compared to the care and love required to raise his child, and the health risk attendant with any pregnancy.

The OM family is the OC family, and while biological traits are not 100% of who a person is they are at least in the double digits.

Do you plan on telling your OC about his origins, have you told you parents etc the truth? Lies suck for OC when they are found out.

Gamma