{{{{HBH}}}}


All the OW was...was available.

Pepper,

As I sit here today, I just can not imagine it. But as I promised to SMB, I will not take it off the table. I will see what SH says.

It just seems so overwhelming. Plan B just seems so tenative...does it last for 6 days, 6 weeks, 6 months? I know the answer, it depends on BaT...but I can't just "replace" him at the business...you can't just teach someone what he does. I would have to do it.

I would be the only one getting up in the middle of the nite changing diapers and making bottles. I would be the only one getting up at 5:30 until the nanny gets here at 7.

I would never leave the house because I don't trust anyone else with our kids. I can't imagine flying off for a business meeting and leaving our kids, no way.

I could just go on and on. I'm not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me. This is my life and I am responsible for how I deal with things.

It just seems impossible to me right now.

HBH, he doesn't hate you.

But the alien loves himself and will do whatever it takes to keep himself (alien) satisfied.

He is willing to do the recovery work that he is comfortable with and unwilling to do what he's not comfortable with.

Radical honesty is only tough for someone who has not been truthful.

IMO, there is no reason to avoid the timeline unless he is hiding something.

Gack,

You realise that you were asking what was possibly a painful question, and now you haven't come back to h_b_h's reply. What are you getting at with your question?

ITA. hbh, an A is never about looks...or bodies...I have read very few stories where the OP was more physically attractive than the BS.

In fact I just read in one of Dr. H's books (maybe his new one on marriage counseling, but don't quote me on that) that in his experience, the BW is most often more physically attractive than the AP. My FWH was not attracted to the OW...didn't stop the A. Also, did you know that affairees always "affair down"? This means that the OW was less than you in every way. Her morals speak for themselves.

SMB is right...the only thing she had going for her was that she was available...and willing to put out for free. That's it.

If BaT was really wanting to hide something...then why not just do the timeline and leave out whatever it is??? Wouldn't that make more sense? Why not do the timeline and shut me up?

Why keep this constant turmoil stirred up?

The only thing BaT gains is that I stay upset...what am I missing?

Does one not have to pay ones bills?

Who owns the boat?
How would he pay for electricity, Food, insurance, and other expenses involved in living on the boat.

Poppycock
Due to the unemployment rate and current economy, I know several people who have had to cut way down on non necessities like beer.

It's all about perception.
If you make 1.5mil per year, a case of beer is nothing.
If you made 40k before you where laid off, and now make 20k because you cant get steady work, a case of beer becomes an unnecessary luxury.

If you go to Plan-B, you will need to cut him of financially 100%

Oftimes, we see in people what we want to see in people. Not how they really are.

So she does not have a physical advantage over you, GOOD!

Wayward thinking NEVER makes sense. They miss the obvious and always go for deceit.





He stays in control. He can divvy out information as HE decides. Only as much as he decides.

It�s independent behavior.

A wayward must keep independent behavior which allows a secret, separate life. You have shared that he has given up almost all of his IB, but refusing to be radically honest IS independent behavior. By keeping you out of the loop, he maintains some sense of control in the situation.

It�s really classic wayward.

And�wayward thinking never makes sense.

hbh ~ just to reiterate, an A is about how the OW made your WH "feel"...nothing more, nothing less.

IMO, anyone can suck up to anyone just to get into their pants and into bed. That is what an A is about when you strip it all down anyways. It's about kissing someone's *ss and turning yourself into a brown-noser. Gross if you ask me and the lowest form of low.

Nobody likes a brown-noser and that is all APs are, IMNSHO.

Why is that good?

She was able to make him feel good about himself, break his wife's heart, put his children's futures at risk and wreck his marriage despite her unexceptional looks. She found his weakness and exploited it. He allowed her to meet some emotional need or other that did not come down to looks. He might or might not have been redressing the power balance in his marriage that he might or might not have resented, by admiring his puffed-up reflection in the eyes of his own employee; someone with no economic clout and over whom he had power.

How is her lack of looks good, bad or even relevant?

GACK,

This line of questioning is highly insensitive, irresponsible, and just plain unnecessary. It serves no purpose WHAT-SO-EVER. It is a insult to EVERY BETRAYED WIFE on these boards....We women (and men for that matter) come away from Dday with a HUGE self-esteem blow as it is, without having some clod ask us something so grossly negligent.

And yes I saw HBH's answer, but it really doesn't matter....what the heck would you have said if her reply was..."Yes, she is more attactive than me...She's 10 yrs younger with the body of Pam Anderson????"....

I request you NEVER ask another BW this question again. It is a sensitve and hard enough issue to deal with without having to go over the answer.....

not2fun

ps... Remember, there are MANY OTHER BW's reading along these boards.......

I AGREE !!!!!!!!!!!!

not2fun

(((((HBH))))),

I agree with SMB, this is a wonderful plan. Steve has helped you thus far, he won't abandon YOU just because BaT doesn't do his part. Stick with Steve and let him guide you. We will help you along the way......

not2fun

Thank you, Not, for saying all that I could not put into words. My jaw smacked my keyboard when I read Gack's post, and I just couldn't pick it back up.

I am not sure how I would have answered that question had someone asked me that, and it would have cut deeply considering OW was a model. Nothing big, but she�s attractive enough to earn money based on her looks.

HER looks were irrelevant to our recovery.

SO OUT OF THE BLUE....

BaT says "we need to get back into MB and I need to do my assignment"

AND then....he says...."i just dont want you to think I DONT WANT to do it...or that I'm not doing it to hurt you"

to which I said "well, you know that's what I think..."

AND then he says....well there are two reasons I don't want do it..one: because I know we will fight (referencing AO from me) and two: because its hurtful.

My response was "SH told you to write it out and I have told you to write it out...i can't yell at a piece of paper...and what is more hurtful? the truth or thinking that that I don't matter to you?

He patted my leg and said "yeah, i get it"


And that was that...

MAYBE he is considering doing it....OR MAYBE he has seen me on MB all day and is nervous....

Regardless of his motivation, it is good news if he is going to get back to MB work.

It sounds like you handled the conversation very well!

Glad to hear the news! I have a lot of hope for your marriage.

Just have to add that I too was stunned by Gack's post. In my case, OW was 22 years younger, and very attractive. I was working full time and had taken care of 8 kids for years. She was a SAHM of one daughter who she abandoned. So she had the advantage of being 22 years younger, and had all day, every day to work on looking good. She used her hubby's combat pay to buy designer clothes, get breast implants, plastic surgery, and was always available for romantic trips with my husband.

Either that or boarding up his house and peeking out the blinds for the hoards of us wanting to come and .......I'd be sleeping with one eye open tonight, if *I* were Gack......

not2fun

ps...B its good to see you back!!!.... ....HbH, Believer is a wonderful, wonderful person. She is the epitome of encouragement. I know there were many days and nights I would have given up had it not been for her......

pss...SMB, I'm not even going to bother commenting on what I went through with the whole "comparission" crap....It was too hard to over-come and that question tonight ALMOST sent me back to that.....<<<<shudder>>>>>>....just way too much pain for anyone....

psss....HbH, I am truly sorry that you were asked such a insensitive question. I hope it didn't cause you too much turmoil. No matter what, please KNOW, that there is NO COMPARISION between you and OW. NONE......