I came THIS close today (he says, holding his thumb and index finger nearly touching).

The calls from collections agencies looking for my soon-to-be ex-wife are getting annoying. Especially the ones that don't have a real person on the line but just a demon-dialing automaton.

Today, the third call actually had a person on the other end. When they asked for The Leopard by name I simply said, "She no longer lives here."

"How long has it been since she lived there?"

"She moved out November. November 30th, to be exact."

"Do you have another telephone number for her?"

"No, I do not."

"Do you not speak with her?"

"Not once since November."

And that was that. I'm hoping Mr. Bill Collector will remove my telephone number from his list.

The truth is, I do know her cell number. But I agreed in our separation agreement to do nothing that would impact her negatively financially (she can do that all by herself, she doesn't need my help).

But I came -this- close to giving them OM's telephone number. After all, he's the one who's going to have to deal with her inability to pay her bills soon. Why not get him used to the idea now?

I'm sure there's something inherently WRONG in doing so. But there's also this sense of justice served.

What does the assembled expertise think? Should I continue to just entertain this idea as a fantasy, or should I just give in to my baser instincts and just give them his number...?

Whoa, hold my horse.

Why would giving her telephone number to people to whom she owes money, or giving otherwise honest creditors any way to contact her for that matter, be you doing something that impacts her financially?

I don't see the logic in your agreement with her. You owe money you pay. She owe money she damn well pay. Otherwise the rest of us eventually pay - in higher costs for things in general. Right?

You are a kind of dishonest here - abetting her thievery, actually.

Telling a creditor where to find a deadbeat is ethical under any circumstance. Well, OK, maybe one should think on it a bit if the creditor is a guy name of Guido.

As far as OM? Well, do what you want. Perhaps she spent the money on him in which case he should also pay, ethically speaking. OTOH, maybe let it be a surprise wedding gift? He�ll discover the hole she dug for the legally wedded both of them soon enough without you going out of your way to warn him.

Fred,

You should give them her contact info. Not only is it ethical, but it has the added benefit of creating a situation whereby they may stop contacting you.

From what you said here I do not believe you would be violating the terms of your spearation agreement, but I am no lawyer. Set up an account @ Just Ask (just $28) & get a quick legal opinion if you're unsure.

I actually have a $40 credit at Just Ask.

A couple of additional points to my somewhat snarky question:

1) It's unlikely she has obtained landline telephone service. So that means her cell phone is her only phone. I don't know if there are different regulations and restrictions on unsolicited calls to portable phones.

2) Our "non-impact" agreement is reciprocal. She is not allowed to do anything to impact me negatively financially, either. At this writing, she owes me nearly $5,000, payable by September of this year. Considering she hasn't paid her other bills, I'm thinking on how I can enforce this requirement. I'll be speaking with my attorney regarding this before our divorce becomes final.

3) Rarely does a human call (I mentioned this in my original post, but perhaps not clearly). Thus, it's not possible for me to respond to these irksome calls. It was only when I actually found myself speaking to a human (I use the term loosely) on the other end that the thought came to me, "It's unclear whether I can/should give them her cell phone number, but what's to stop me from giving them OM's cell phone number?" What stopped me was my own (perhaps subverted) sense of decency.

So my question was probably more rhetorical than anything else. Considering the lack of responses, I think it kind of fell flat on its face.

FDCPA says that you can request that they remove your phone number from their contact list. Then you can pursue them legally for harassment if they call again.

You can tell them that she moved out in November to pursue a relationship with OM - offer his name - and let them do their own sleuthing.

You might ask "Just Ask" if there is a form letter that you can send as a result of the divorce to all her creditors that you are not responsible for her debts and to remove your contact information from their collection lists.

Fred, I'm with Kayla. Send a letter to the company stating that you do not want to receive any more calls from them. You have to send a letter, and you don't even have to offer them any information.

"This letter is to inform you that I no longer wish to be contacted by your company in any form for any reason. All calls to xxx-xxx-xxxx must cease immediately. Any further contact by your company will be deemed harassment. Thank you."

Why not just say that you have her lawyers contact information, that you are in the midst of a divorce and her lawyers number is: xxx-yyy-zzzz

You can't get in trouble for having them contact her lawyer, can you?

Actually Fred, I like CW's idea

If her only # is the cell phone, it can end up costing her money just to receive the calls.

Plus the additional info you provided paints a diferent picture.

I'm definitely liking the idea of the letter saying "stop contcting me" and providing no further information.

She doesn't have a lawyer.

The only problem I have with this is that many of the calls I receive are "automatons," in that there is no identifying information. The recorded message goes something like this:

There are other formats too, but in essence, there is no one at the other end of the line, and it's too bothersome for me to spend ten or fifteen minutes playing phone tag just to tell someone WW doesn't live here any more.

Again, my original post presupposed that I might wind up speaking with a live person again at some point in the future. I was just ruminating on what might be the overall effect of giving that person OM's phone number if I'm asked if there is a way to contact her.

Check into Fair Debt laws - I think you'll find what you need there. Check for laws regarding "automated" collection calls with no caller id for you to notify to remove from call list, and things like that.

Fred, can you use your telephone (or telephone service) to block the calls?

Some phones come with a blocking feature & some of the voicemail services have a blocking area on the voicemail web site. (You're in VA like me - do you have Comcast?)

I use Comcast for Internet, but not for TV. As for blocking calls, I have that feature (and have blocked a few numbers), but there is still always the first ring, which tends to interrupt me when I'm working or focusing on something work-related. It's a minor irritant.

Again, I don't want to make too big of a deal about this. Every call I get looking for my wayward wife looking for money is just a reminder from my Higher Power that without her, there are aspects of my life that are so much better...

Fred, the same thing happened to me after WXH moved out. In fact, I was rather surprised and how many different companies he owed - some I'd never heard of and some were American companies that I didn't know operated in Canada. We had a similar clause in our separation agreement, but I didn't think twice about giving them his number and address. The ones that called with a recorded message, I phoned back using the caller id number. If you keep hitting "0", eventually you get a live person. No company ever phoned me again once they had his current contact info.

It's true....once they get the person's current contact info they will stop calling you because they get nothing out of it. The robo calls are designed to irritate you to the point of providing the info.

Fred, I realize you are just venting but a healthy thing to do would be to take some action to stop the calls. Although you say the calls are a positive reminder - they're a negative reminder too. They're a double edged sword of "I'm glad she's gone" and "My marriage didn't make it." (I hope I am not stepping out of line or offending you by saying that.)

Dial the numbers provided & hit the 0's until you can speak to a live person and get the mailing address to send those letters - and then send them. In the meantime, turn the ringer off when you are about to do something you don't want to be interrupted on. Say goodbye to your past and look towards the future

Thank you Chris. I must say, I'm impressed with how quickly you have picked up MB principles and how active you have become on this site! I find I'm "tailing off" a bit right now. Some of this is work-related (I'm writing this from California right now) and some of it is a conscious effort to move on with my life.

Some of the things here I find extremely gut-wrenching. Lately, there are the posts in the Divorce/Divorcing forum under the "I want my marriage back" topic. Part of me wants to reach through my computer screen and grab this woman by the throat, shake her and scream "HOW DARE YOU???" at her. There's another part that wonders how I would respond if it were my WW...

New Facebook friends that I met in Iceland have reached out and invited me to dinner tonight. I am very eager to go, as these are people who have come into my "new" life, and spending time with them would be a good glimpse into life after marriage with a woman who was not what she appeared to be.

Yesterday I read an article here, and came across the following quote. How true it turns out to be in my case:

OK, sorry. I've rambled on a bit. I thank everyone for their feedback, and yes, I believe I will begin sending the bill collectors her way. I really do need to separate EVERYTHING about her from me!

Fred,

Thanks for noticing.

I am learning and trying to practice IRL and by exploring other people's experiences here. When someone posts a problem / issue, it's great for me because I can research the concepts and learn that way too. It's more practice and more re-patterning of my thouht processes. I have a whole lot at stake here.
My DH is finishing up his degree and so many evenings I have the time to look through this site and participate. At work, I pop in and out of this site during downtime - especially if I begin to feel upset / sad / angry at what is happening in my life right now.

My goal is to learn as much as I can in the moments I have to do that. Eventually, I want to be spending more time with DH and less on this sort of catharsis / venting / and academic practice.

I'm in Irvine.

Got an early end to the work day today and went to Laguna Beach. Ran along the cliff side and took pictures as I went. Not the greatest run in the world, but a glorious day and wonderful scenery!

Back to the real world tomorrow.

OK, now that this thread has gone from the assinine to the sublime, a quick report back to the gang:

I returned from my trip to the left coast today to find two voicemail messages on my phone -- both from bill collectors and both for The Leopard -- complete with phone numbers and human names.

Rather than just delete these messages, I have written down the contact info on a sheet of paper on which I have also written WW's address and cell phone number.

Monday I am calling these folks and "relieving" myself of any further contact with these companies.

You folks have convinced me that if I continue to "allow" these calls to arrive unabated, they are continued connection to The Leopard. And I am trying to make as thorough a break with her as possible. So, if I'm throwing her under the bus, so be it.

Thanks, everyone.