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Hey, it didn't take me long to look at that horseshoe  Larry
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Hey, it didn't take me long to look at that horseshoe Larry 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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[quote=MelodyLane How about he gets kicked out of Texas for talking like that!??? We are not in VERMONT, for God's sake!  [/quote] LMAO! 
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Gave FiL two copies of SAA last night (he & MiL had taken DS15 and me out to dinner), one for him and one for WW. Since WW is not a big reader, I doubt anything will come of it.
I'm not a complete idiot. There are parts missing.
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Gave FiL two copies of SAA last night (he & MiL had taken DS15 and me out to dinner), one for him and one for WW. Since WW is not a big reader, I doubt anything will come of it. Doesn't matter, IMHO. FIL and MIL are acting as enforcer and both of them probably believe they understand WW better than anyone, after all they raised her. IF FIL and MIL read SAA, they will jointly both have the knowledge gained by raising her AND the knowledge of the special circumstances of an affair. Thus they will be able to take the course of action with her based on what they know rather than what they guess. My guess is that they are acting in what they believe to be the best interest of the grandkid(s). And that is in the marriage's best interest for most grandparents, right? Well, as opposed to acting in the best interest of a serial predator and his prey. Larry
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WW won't listen to (step)MiL. MiL is why WW got married as a senior in high school (to escape the house). FiL has stated every time that I've talked to him over the past 2-3 weeks that he does not want our marriage to end. He's also stated he wants to do what's best for his grandkids. I had the "pleasure" of explaining child custody and visitation to DD14 last night. "What do you mean I have to do what some judge decides for me? Don't I get to decide?" 
I'm not a complete idiot. There are parts missing.
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Don't kids over 12 get some say? Depending on where you live?
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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MiL is why WW got married as a senior in high school (to escape the house). And how did that work for her? FIL obviously has influence though. The best interest of the child shall always be the primary consideration in determining custody, without regard to the sex of the parent or child. Sole or joint custody may be awarded, but presumption shall be for joint managing conservators. A finding of a history of family violence involving the parents of a child removes the presumption under this subsection. The court shall use the following factors in determining custody:
blah blah blah. .. down to:
�If the child is 12 years of age or older, the child's preference, if any, regarding the person to have the exclusive right to designate the primary residence of the child.
In other words, the kid can make their preference known and then the Judge decides. The amount of loot a kid can extract from one or both parents over custody can be mind boggling in high profile divorce cases, or even run of the mill ones. I knew a kid one time who got a car out of one spouse then chose the other one. Elective office was in that kid's future. I don't think I would tell dd-14 about that one though Larry
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There's a book called Necessary Parties where a kid sues his parents as they are divorcing.
A friend of his had parents who divorced 3 years prior to the story and had each been married 2 times, and in the book were getting divorced a FOURTH time.
Verbatim, "Haverman" the best friend of the main character and the son of these two stupid parents said, "I perceive an upward trend."
"In what respect?" The main character asked.
"Number one was a watch, number two was a tape deck, and number three is a stereo."
"Maybe next time you'll get a car."
"I'm counting on it."
He even tells the main character "it's called guilt and they're going to get it. You're going to get more attentions and presents and stuff than ever."
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Exactly. . . Larry
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WW is full-steam ahead on Plan D. She talked with her attorney and our financial advisor today. She took the rest of "her" things out of the house yesterday.
At least, now I can clean the house with no qualms and pack up whatever is left that I don't really want.
I'm not a complete idiot. There are parts missing.
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Sorry GN, you gave it the good try. How is FIL dealing with it?
Larry
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Haven't spoken with FiL since Saturday.
Plan B question - I understand that, ideally, I shouldn't be thinking about WW and what's she's doing. How does one stop the snooping that has become a habit over the past year?
I'm not a complete idiot. There are parts missing.
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No clue. That habit is hard to break because it has emotional roots.
I didn't go over and refresh that part of Harley's method, maybe there is something there.
Larry
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You just STOP. COLD TURKEY. I know easier said than done. See, every time that you look at ANYTHING, you set your PERSONAL recovery back. It affects you. BELIEVE ME I KNOW. It really is hard. The snooping during the A and Plan A becomes a HABIT. I used to ALWAYS check WH's emails, credit cards, FB, etc. He changed all of the passwords, so obviously I couldn't even look if I wanted to, so that was easy. Checking up on POSOW though was another story. I checked her FB and myspace pages too. I had to STOP. It really isn't about HER.
I don't have that much of a problem with the snooping part, it's the thinking about WH and POSOW and even looking out that I slip up on. I sometimes start to fantasize about WH calling me to tell me he wants to come home. I have to stop myself. It hurts. I realized that it was hurting me not helping me.
Keep yourself BUSY. Find something else to do instead. Dr OZ says that to stop a bad habit, you have to replace it with a more desirable one.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Haven't spoken with FiL since Saturday.
Plan B question - I understand that, ideally, I shouldn't be thinking about WW and what's she's doing. How does one stop the snooping that has become a habit over the past year? Keep in mind the principle involved in Plan B: your marriage will be better off if you DON'T know what your wife is doing, because everything she does is a love buster that drains your love for her. Keep in mind I've never been there, so my advice may not count for much.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Learned from my attorney (on Wednesday) that WW filed for divorce on Friday, 26 March.
I'm not a complete idiot. There are parts missing.
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Well, that sucks, gnirlos. But it's not like you weren't prepared for/expecting it.
How are you doing right now? Are you still in Plan B?
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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For whatever it is worth, the more times a woman engages in an infatuation, the shorter the period before the "Thud."
Larry
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And I notice that you are frequently online and reading.
You obviously "get it."
Larry
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