Help my people - here is my take. I was not filling the emotional needs my w had (fact). She fell out of love for me. This took quite a period of time because I beleive she was very much in love with me. She has now met someone who meets those needs and makes her feel wanted and loved and special. It started as an emotional affair and is not at the physical stage (I am quite sure). <P>Where will her head be right now with regard to me ?<P>I realize she is in total withdrawl towards me and believes I will never change and never provide her what she needs.<P>Does this thing really have to run its course. Is there ever anything we can do or say that will make them realize what they are doing - replacing us to fill needs we were not meeting.<P>Please share with me any successes and anything that has failed.<P>I really don't want this thing to go on to long. Not only our love and commitment is at stake but also our house. I cannot keep the house much longer if nothing changes. I will have to sell something we both worked so hard to get. It's not the important thing, but it is a fact. My love and the hope we can work it out is more important, but you can't help but worry.<P>Once again what has to happen for her to awaken from the fairy tail ?? How can I except the fact that someone I love so much may never return ?????????????? All because I was too blind to see what was happening. If there is a god, how could he let this happen ? I don't want to turn this in to a religious issue because it is not. Just venting...<P>Please help me understand what I am headed for and what to expect, and how to promote a rapid learning process for her...

Even though she is out of the house...<P><B>You've got to go Plan A strong!</B><P>There isn't much that you can tell her... escpecially about <I>her</I>... It is more about showing that <I>you</I> are changing... into the way you used to be (and better!)<P>Don't lose contact with her... keep the contact as close as possible. I have very limited contact while I am Plan A-ing... (my wife also moved out 2 months ago) but I still try!<P>I don't want to make you feel worse... but you may not be quite right on the "physical stage" thing... If read any posts here, it is an inevitability. <P>There are success stories... <BR>the bad news is that there is almost never a quick fix! <P>I'm really praying for you...<BR>BTW... God isn't doing this to you...<BR>It's the guy <I>downstairs</I> that is doing it to <B>all</B> of us!<P>Jim<P>------<P>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...

nsr - what do you mean i might not be right abou the physical stage

I'm in the same boat but maybe a little further down the road, so I'll tell you what is working for me.<BR>My wife and I have been married 18 years, for the last 2 or 3 I fell out of love but continued in the relationship. In the last year I'm guilty of total neglect. Would barely talk to her, much less touch or sleep with her. I sent every signal that it was over. She finally gave up in July and started an affair with a co-worker. 3 weeks later I suspected and cofronted her, I really thought nothing was going on, but to my surprise she admitted an affair. My world completely fell apart. Including all the walls I built up over the years. I realized I loved her with every cell in my body. I knew if I had any chance of reclaiming her I would have to totally change myself. I started with a six page letter, told her that if she would give it a chance and drop OM I would prove to her what kind of husband I could be, and I did. It's been almost 3 months now, my pain is still great, but we have fallen back in love with each other, she did drop OM and has remained faithful. I truly believe we will make it now and this web page and Harley's books have been our salvation! <BR>If you are really serious about your love for her, you going to have to prove it to her. We both have brought this on ourselves, a woman can only go so long feeling unlove and same for a man. She is hurt, but not beyond repair. You must show her you've changed, if you haven't already tried a long from the heart letter I suggest you do. Ask her to give you a chance to prove your love for her and that you will or have changed. If she excepts, you will have to work your butt off, but I can tell you that it's worth it! One word of caution. Both in a letter or words, you must remove all anger, resentment, and hatred. Your wife will instantly pick up on those vibes, and will put up the walls. The only way to approach her is with love and being humble. I first thought being humble was begging but it's not. It takes a real man to be humble, and if she sees sincerity along with humbleness, and total love than you have a chance.<BR>Also explain to her about the emotional need stuff that Harley teaches. If you can explain to her that the reason she feels so strong for OM it's because he is meeting her needs. Ask her for a chance to meet them, explain to her that the feelings aren't as real as she thinks. As much as she use to love you, she still has that love, but it's packed away real deep, if you can somehow get her attention than you have a good shot. <BR>I don't know all the details and I know it's harder once she's moved out. I can't make any promises that this will work, but in my case it did. Hope I've helped!

Your <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>It started as an emotional affair and is not at the physical stage (I am quite sure).<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> claims that there is no "physical stage"... My situation is somewhat different than yours (I know there was a "physical stage" before discovery)... but based on the hundreds of posts I've read here... it most likel has already become "physical". <P>I don't claim it is... and I don't mean to be rude about it..but maybe you should be accepting of that "stage" already? It may save you some hurt to come.<P>It has been 2 months already.<P>Jim

no I mis-quoted i do belive it has reached the physical stage. I imagine that now it is even a tougher battle i have on my hands