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Posts: 141
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I found out that WW already has a new boyfriend. You guys were right! I guess it's time to move to plan D. What do i do? I need some advice please.
Married 7/10/04
Me: BS 32, WW:26
D-Day 12/23/09
Separation 12/28/09-
OM Revealed 1/12/10
WW cuts most contact with me/Starts seeing a different OM 2/2/10
Divorce papers served 10/15/10
Divorce finalized 11/9/10
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Posts: 115
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You know what you need to do. Read over the previous two pages of this thread, and proceed from there. Find yourself a decent divorce lawyer and start the process.
The Macnut-42, W - 45 3 stepkids,
SDD - 27, SDS1 - 22, SDS2 - 18
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I've heard that you can file online. Does anyone know about this??? I'm a little low on money for an attorney right now. I guess I've gotta do what I've gotta do though.
Married 7/10/04
Me: BS 32, WW:26
D-Day 12/23/09
Separation 12/28/09-
OM Revealed 1/12/10
WW cuts most contact with me/Starts seeing a different OM 2/2/10
Divorce papers served 10/15/10
Divorce finalized 11/9/10
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 15,284
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HB,
Are you planning on marrying right now? Are you planning on dating right now? Are you planning on graduating and getting a job now?
If the answers are no, no, and HECK YEA!
Then just go dark. Go to plan B. If she is in a hurry to dump you she can file. Meanwhile you get your life in order, get the education done, get a job, put some money together, and then file for divorce if you want to and she has not.
Why worry about her or the divorce? You have other more important things to do and accomplish. Do the important things first and then worry about marriage.
God Bless,
JL
PS: YOU MUST learn the following. These things are actually very simple, they just are not very easy.
Last edited by Just Learning; 02/25/10 01:45 AM.
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Have to concur here.
Cutoff all contact. Write your Plan B letter and go dark. You have nothing to lose by going dark. If you divorce, you'll be divorced.
If you cutoff your contact, you prepare yourself emotionally for divorce if it happens, but you shield yourself from the pain of what you're going through.
So chill and write your letter and go dark. Carry on with your life as if she wasn't coming back, but send her your letter first.
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Posts: 141
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Thanks for the advise guys, I really do appreciate it. What kind of a letter should I write? Are there any example Plan B letters?
Married 7/10/04
Me: BS 32, WW:26
D-Day 12/23/09
Separation 12/28/09-
OM Revealed 1/12/10
WW cuts most contact with me/Starts seeing a different OM 2/2/10
Divorce papers served 10/15/10
Divorce finalized 11/9/10
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 141
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Posts: 141 |
I got some legal advice if this goes to D. For now I'm just hangin tough and taking care of myself. I am enjoying the company of my friends and family. They have been helping me.
Married 7/10/04
Me: BS 32, WW:26
D-Day 12/23/09
Separation 12/28/09-
OM Revealed 1/12/10
WW cuts most contact with me/Starts seeing a different OM 2/2/10
Divorce papers served 10/15/10
Divorce finalized 11/9/10
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 15,284
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HB,
That is good news. The best thing you can do is normalize your life, and meet your life goals. In the long run you will be the better for it and you will be a person that is cherished by his friends and family. It doesn't get much better than that.
God Bless,
JL
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 141
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Thank you JL. I'm doing my best everyday, but I still feel so lost and confused. Some days I feel ok and other days I am very sad. I still can't believe all this has happened. I am excited to spend tomorrow night with a few of my friends. It should be fun and I'm looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to spring and some warmer weather as well.  Once again, thank you all for your help and advice during this tough time. I really do appreciate it.
Married 7/10/04
Me: BS 32, WW:26
D-Day 12/23/09
Separation 12/28/09-
OM Revealed 1/12/10
WW cuts most contact with me/Starts seeing a different OM 2/2/10
Divorce papers served 10/15/10
Divorce finalized 11/9/10
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 15,284
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HB,
You take good care of yourself and you enjoy your friends and family. That is what life is about. When this is all over, you will find the right woman. It might be your current W. It might be someone new. But, it will happen and when it does your appreciation of her will be huge. That is as it should be.
God Bless,
JL
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Posts: 141
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Posts: 141 |
I believe you're right. Thank you for the encouragement JL.
Married 7/10/04
Me: BS 32, WW:26
D-Day 12/23/09
Separation 12/28/09-
OM Revealed 1/12/10
WW cuts most contact with me/Starts seeing a different OM 2/2/10
Divorce papers served 10/15/10
Divorce finalized 11/9/10
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 141
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Posts: 141 |
I can't stop thinking of all the good memories we made over the years. It hurts so much to think that we won't be making anymore memories together. I wish I could just forget. Or do I?
Married 7/10/04
Me: BS 32, WW:26
D-Day 12/23/09
Separation 12/28/09-
OM Revealed 1/12/10
WW cuts most contact with me/Starts seeing a different OM 2/2/10
Divorce papers served 10/15/10
Divorce finalized 11/9/10
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Posts: 2,959
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Follow the advice you've been given. Live your life for you right now, and work on your job and your degree. Find the template for the Plan B letter, and sent it to your WW, then stay darker than a welldigger's backside. No contact whatsoever!
You will never forget. However, time is a beautiful thing, and you will remember mostly the good stuff about your marriage and the sad/bad things will fade to the point you are indifferent.
BH - me 53, ONS 1979
FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA
Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003
Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04
***You can do anything with time and money...but remember...money won't buy you time!***
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For as short a marriage as you had in addition to no kids, the end outcome for you will be indifference. You'll see your time with her as a waste of time.
That's how I view my marriage and we too had good memories. I don't really remember those either. There comes a point where you don't think of it or her anymore and are happy with your new life.
Lear why you met a woman like her. You met someone who is immature and craves attention. Look for a more independent woman next time and certainly one who doesn't NEED you but is happy to have you in her life.
This isn't to minimize your pain. Just letting you know where you will end up. It will hurt for a while. You wouldn't be human if it didn't.
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I just started on a new anti-depression medicine and for the first time in months, I felt more like myself. I actually did a few things that I have been putting off and I went jogging at the track. It felt pretty good. I am usually still so depressed though, that I don't want to get out of bed in the morning. I hope this feeling will get better with time. I have also put a little weight back on so that is good.
Last edited by HEARTBROKEN77; 03/20/10 02:41 AM.
Married 7/10/04
Me: BS 32, WW:26
D-Day 12/23/09
Separation 12/28/09-
OM Revealed 1/12/10
WW cuts most contact with me/Starts seeing a different OM 2/2/10
Divorce papers served 10/15/10
Divorce finalized 11/9/10
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 141
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Posts: 141 |
It has been over 3 months since D-Day. Am I normal to still be hurting so much? Even after all she has done and doesn't want to make the marriage work, I still miss her very much and I feel very sad and depressed still.
Are these still normal feelings or am I trying too hard to hold onto something that really isn't there anymore?
Married 7/10/04
Me: BS 32, WW:26
D-Day 12/23/09
Separation 12/28/09-
OM Revealed 1/12/10
WW cuts most contact with me/Starts seeing a different OM 2/2/10
Divorce papers served 10/15/10
Divorce finalized 11/9/10
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 15,284
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HB,
You are normal. It will take many more months for the feelings to fade and only the memories will remain. It will happen but it takes time and 3 months isn't long. Hang in there.
God Bless,
JL
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Posts: 141
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Posts: 141 |
Thanks, I'm definitely just living day-to-day so I can get through this. I feel a little better than I did a couple of months ago but not much. I guess i just have to do my time.
Does my thread need to be moved to the divorce/divorcing thread yet?
Married 7/10/04
Me: BS 32, WW:26
D-Day 12/23/09
Separation 12/28/09-
OM Revealed 1/12/10
WW cuts most contact with me/Starts seeing a different OM 2/2/10
Divorce papers served 10/15/10
Divorce finalized 11/9/10
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 141
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OP
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 141 |
WW sent me an e-mail out of nowhere yesterday and it was pretty hurtful. She said that she doesn't want to work on our marriage anymore and that divorce will be coming. Would you suggest that I file first and can I try to get alimony out of her? Any help would be greatly appreciated, thank you.
Married 7/10/04
Me: BS 32, WW:26
D-Day 12/23/09
Separation 12/28/09-
OM Revealed 1/12/10
WW cuts most contact with me/Starts seeing a different OM 2/2/10
Divorce papers served 10/15/10
Divorce finalized 11/9/10
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