If I could talk to you: I would tell you that I liked you when i met you. You were young, intelligent, sweet, funny and oh so beautiful. You're life ahead of you.

if i could talk to you: i would tell you that i loved meeting you and your husband. i was so happy my husband had a group of friends at work he loved to be around. he deserved that, he worked so hard. and all of you were so funney and easy to be around.

if i could talk to you: i would tell you that when i saw the both of you togeher in march at the bar. i felt sorry for you, how must you feel, when my husband was acting like a complete [censored], acting like he was courting his girlfriend. i thought you were nervous in the bathroom, because you were embarrassed. little did i know.....

if i could talk to you: i would tell you that when WH told me that he did not love me, want to be married anymore, and when he admitted that it was you he was talking to, falling in love with. i cried all night. i was afraid for both of you. you were young, newly married, just starting your life. i thought of my daughter, hell, you're only a couple years older than her. how would i want the wife of the man that she is in love with to treat her.

i was so afraid for you. i begged god to keep you protected. protected from the bad decisions you were making, the sin that was entering your life. the man that looked so inviting to you. i begged god to protect you from the biggest mistake you would ever make.

a mistake that both you and WH would be accountable for. ruining two families, our childrens lives, your husbands dreams, our extended families. destoying all, and everyone that we hold dear to us.. you too.

i begged god to give me compassion for you, to see you like a daughter, to love you that way. to want a healing and not more pain.

then i asked god to give me strength. strength to stand up to you, to the pain, to the indecision, to the hope. strength to take back what is mine, for he is you know. you will never have the man that is mine, for with you, he is someone different. not the man you fell in love with, not the man whose humore you love, not the man that is warm, kind, loving, honest, steadfast and sure. that man is mine. the man you have is a horrible fake. a horrible want to be, a shell of who and what is good and fine, loving and pure.

if i could talk to you: i would tell you that you will never come between my husband and me again. that our problems are none of your concern. that whatever takes place in our marriage will never be of interest to you again. i am strong, i am capabable, i am smart, i am resiliant. I AM UNCONDITIONAL LOVE: a love that your 24 years has no idea of how to ascertain let alone give out.

my last 24 years have been spent loving him, building a life with him, having children with him, building a past with him, living a present with him....hoping for a future with him.

if i could talk to you: i would tell you goodby. You will never cross my mind, hold my thoughts captive, or my husbands again. you will never even be a memory.

signed,

WH WIFE FOREVER

If I Could Talk To You:Letter to the OM:

If I could talk to you: I would invite you to D.I.A.F.!!

Then End

You're too kind. Why don't you send it to her? Add on there that she could "never" be you. Tell her she could never ever share the memories that you and your husband has shared over the past 25 years. She wasn't there during your up times, happy times, sick days, well days. Vacations, family holidays, birthdays and etc. At the end of the day, he's still with YOU so who got the last laugh.

Neak's version:

What a great letter with great perspective!

I will have to re-read this often.

Dear Gack1:

help me with the initials...diaf?

26yrs.:

laughing all the way: ....(between you and me... a little hard sometimes....but i am trying) i do love him.....would do anything to keep her from him....but(between you and me....soooo hard)!

Neak:

Turning blue....Get it


Holding breath, turning blueeeeeee. yessssss, CPR? NO!

SydneyT:

thank you. it came from my heart. it really is what i was feeling. i was so scared for both of them. she was so young. i thought of her like my daughter. i even felt protective of her against my WH.

how screwed up is that?

then reality set in and i realized: grown woman, knew me, screwed me in hopes of screwing my WH. not so nice anymore.

but...there is still me...the me that i have to look at in the mirror everyday. the me that i am proud of.....

No worries, Betty. Even though the OW was a little older for us, for a long time I still saw her as a fellow victim of WH. After all, he was the one not making up his mind and putting us out of our mutual misery.

Needless to say, all such sympathy has vanished without a residue. I still feel bad for her that she's the kind of person that would try and actively rip apart a family, still, that's not my burden to carry.

The change came about when I realized the full power I had over my own choices. I was not just some pawn of then-WH. Once I grasped my own power, I also understood that OW had just as much power, and could have made her own strong choices.

Oddly enough, I realized that shortly after finding MB.

DIAF is a special invitation that should only be used on the most deserving of humans.

Die
In
A
Fire

I believe this would be the best thing for OM's personal recovery.

Great letter blindsidebetty, seems like you are on track for some serious personal recovery. Good for you.

Neak:

i agree with you completly. for me, it is a day to day struggle. there are days that i know i have my power back, i feel it, i am strong, i am the woman he looks at and loves, the one he wants,needs.

then there are other days when i can't even look in the mirror. nothing seems as it is, triggers are to great and WH and i really struggle during those times. he just wants all this over, and over quickly. me, i want to walk throught the muck and come out clean.

my hope is that the triggers get less and less and "we" get more and more. and i long for the day that i really never think of her again.

this month starts the countdown to DD, i must say it has been horrible.

longing for better days.

My Letter to XOW:

Dear skank-ho, I want you to know how much I hate your guts... You are a filthy piece of garbage.

I love your letter...so well written and heartfelt. I feel like that expresses part of what I was going through as well...

But I have to say, I also love this letter....:)
OW - I wanted to write and let you know...

keep holding your breath tll I finish my sentence...

Great letter BSB!!!

Am curious to know if ANYONE has ever sent OW such a letter?

BB, you're so early in this. Two years is pretty much the minimum, so expect to feel much better by that time, and be very patient with yourself in the meantime.

Intears:

and there you have it....the horrible rollercooaster ride. this ride we call our marriage,life,survival,recovery.

like i said, some days i feel like being a grown-up about it....other days....please OW hold your breath.....

Migsamac:

this letter, for me was purely a way for me to vent. i never intended on sending it, i too, wonder if anyone ever has. in my case WH says that OW does not feel they did anything wrong, that this was not at affair because they did not have sex....

so i am sure the letter would have been lost on her, as the days, months have gone by, i have lost any and all respect for her, have very little if no compassion for her. after all, she was grown-up enough to make the choice to chase my husband and respond to him in a way that sacrificed our friendship, our relationship, our family...all the things she said she loved about "us".. don't misunderstand, WH pursued her with a passion as well, i am not releasing him from any responsibility.

maybe one day a different kind of letter will make it her way..she after all will grow up some day,

thank you neak:

i will take your positive advise. i look forward to this getting better, and better. i long for the day that this is not the first thing i think of and the last thing i remember before sleep. look forward to the day that i don't silently question who is he talking to, who did he go to lunch with, who and where is he , who is he thinking about.

it's not so much him.....it's me now. i'm angry, frantic and add to that hurt, disillusioned it can be a bad mix.

i do have hope, however, he is trying, we are trying. we both want the same thing, a better marriage and a whole complete marriage. we want us back, a better, smarter us.

up the hill we go.....