I have been reading this forum for about a month. I found out 12 months ago that my WH was having an affair. It had been going on for about a year. She lives in a city two hours drive away.
I also found out then that he had had another affair with a different OW three years before.
When I found out about the second affair, he moved out for a week or so, and chose to come back. About three months later I found out he was seeing the second OW again. He again chose to stay. We lumbered along, he moved out again about three or four months later, saying he needed more space. My memory is a bit vague here, I am having trouble remembering the sequence of events. He said he was not seeing her again. There were times when I did not know where he was living and he would not tell me the address and would not tell me what he was doing. He left saying he didn't want contact but kept sending me text messages and emails. I didn't answer these I was quite exhausted by then.
He finally ended the marriage in late January, saying he was not sexually attracted to me any more. I had been given the "I love you but I am not in love with you" before as well.
I am kind of doing Plan A while separated - I am not communicating unless absolutely necessary, but when I do I try to be as normal as I can. I have only seen him once - I dread seeing him again and breaking down. I know if I do I have to be positive but it is going to be very hard.
He has been wanting to "sort things out" ever since the separation. (In fact, before then - in late December I was very upset and called him saying I couldn't take it any more. He just said "Ok, I'll come over, we have things to sort out". I was so shocked I said I wasn't ready to do that and hung up.)
About two weeks ago I said I need more time to come to terms with it. He said he would wait for me to contact him.
We have had some email contact for business reasons. He has twice, once again this morning, used this contact to mention separating our finances.
Looking at other posts, the view here is that if you don't want the divorce, then don't do anything to help make it happen.
My question is, should I just not reply or is there something I should say? I fear if I make a comment such as "I don't want this" he will see me as being obstructive. When I sent the email to him saying I needed more time, amongst other things I said I love him and want him to be happy, even it it means him not being in my life. Not sure I should have written that?
My other concern is I keep trying to stay positive that I can get through this, and that he may want to try again, but then I worry I am just setting myself up for a fall. Every time he asks these questions it hurts all over again.
Last edited by Schmoops; 03/10/10 06:28 PM.
