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Ok so I am the one that had the affair in our relationship. THankfully, it is over and has been for over 4 years now. I chose to cutt it off completely, no contact of any sort with this other person. Our marriage is better but there are still some issues. I love singing and come in contact w/men in that field (church related) and have been asked to sing by them during diff events. My hus always has issues with me doing it. He says it brings back memories. I have not attraction to these men, I love my husband wholeheartedly. I feel he uses the affair as a crutch to keep me home doing nothing. He does what he wants all the time, even if i dissagree. Is that fair? Please give your honest opinion here. Thanks
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************edit***********
Last edited by JustUss; 03/15/10 10:16 AM. Reason: not helpful MB advice
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Livingtolove, what were the specific circumstances of your affair? Who was the man, and where/how did you get acquainted with him? How did your husband find out, and how did it end?
Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
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No married woman should be getting her emotional need of admiration, or recreational companionship from various men outside of her husband, especially a woman who has had an affair. You know this if you have been following MB for any time at all. Church doesn't make it okay! Sorry if I am jumping to conclusions from your short post, but since my DH's A occurred between himself and a married woman singing together in church, I am very sensitive to this situation.
ME: 45 FBS
FWH: GloveOil 43
D-Day 1/7/09 (A: 10/08-1/09)
DD: 16
DS: 12
Married: 19 years
In love for 24+ years and counting!
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Ummm...Mel, are you feeling okay? 
Last edited by JustUss; 03/15/10 10:17 AM. Reason: edit quote
"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"
BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
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Lady, stop getting your admiration need met by men NOT your husband.
Just because it's been four years doesn't mean the GAPING WOUND you created has healed.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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obviously your singing in church, and being asked to sing by other MEN is a huge trigger for your h, you need to understand that.
Ask him what you can do to make him feel better. Sometimes you have to stop doing what you did, which is singing, to have a good marriage.
me: FBS
H: FWS
Fully recovered
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Are you kidding? "some MAN" Is MAN a curse word? My FWW had her A in a church setting to and I can tell you there's no way I'd go along with her cultivating another situation in the same setting that the A happened. I don't care if it has been 4 years. My FWW's A was 5 years ago and I can't even walk into a church without thinking it!!! Women don't have a monopoly on pain from an affair!!!!!!!
Last edited by JustUss; 03/15/10 10:18 AM. Reason: edit quote
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You're being sarcastic right? To the OP, you would need to disclose much more of your situation IMO to get an intelligent response to your post.
Last edited by JustUss; 03/15/10 10:19 AM. Reason: edit quote
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Are you kidding? "some MAN" Is MAN a curse word? My FWW had her A in a church setting to and I can tell you there's no way I'd go along with her cultivating another situation in the same setting that the A happened. I don't care if it has been 4 years. My FWW's A was 5 years ago and I can't even walk into a church without thinking it!!! Women don't have a monopoly on pain from an affair!!!!!!! I think Mel was kidding. But how does this work? Because your WW's A involved someone at church, she can never go to church again? I can understand not going to the same church, because that would make NC pretty difficult if the OM was still there, and would also be a trigger. But it doesn't seem reasonable or even very wise to completely obliterate church and religion from your lives completely. It's the same thing as an A that takes place in the workplace. Yes, a change of jobs might be necessary, but is it reasonable to say that the WS can never have any job again? How possible is that?
Last edited by JustUss; 03/15/10 10:20 AM. Reason: edit quote
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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It means, get a new church. There are plenty of them.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Ok so I am the one that had the affair in our relationship. THankfully, it is over and has been for over 4 years now. I chose to cutt it off completely, no contact of any sort with this other person. Our marriage is better but there are still some issues. I love singing and come in contact w/men in that field (church related) and have been asked to sing by them during diff events. My hus always has issues with me doing it. He says it brings back memories. I have not attraction to these men, I love my husband wholeheartedly. I feel he uses the affair as a crutch to keep me home doing nothing. He does what he wants all the time, even if i dissagree. Is that fair? Please give your honest opinion here. Thanks Your H has issues with it, as he should. You are setting yourself up to begin an EA with another man. Don't sing with men. You love to sing? Sing with women.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I love singing and come in contact w/men in that field (church related) and have been asked to sing by them during diff events. I love singing also, and there are no circumstances in our church at all which would ever lead to me coming into such private and intimate contact with a woman at church. Maybe you should switch churches.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I hope so, but wow she pulled that one by me if so. My sarcasm meter must out of calibration.
Last edited by JustUss; 03/15/10 10:21 AM. Reason: edit quote
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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**edit**
Last edited by MBsurvivor; 03/14/10 05:54 PM. Reason: not here
Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
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Another marriage that could have been recovered - another first time poster driven off..............
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**edit**
Last edited by MBsurvivor; 03/14/10 05:53 PM. Reason: does not belong here
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Another marriage that could have been recovered - another first time poster driven off.............. huh? do you have some special inside knowledge of why this poster has not returned? 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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**edit**
Last edited by MBsurvivor; 03/14/10 05:50 PM. Reason: tos - personal attack
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Folks, if you have a problem with another poster, notify the moderators and let us handle it. Take this off this person's thread. If you can't keep your posts productive to the OP's topic, then refrain from posting here.
Thank you, MBSurvivor
mbsurvivor11@gmail.com
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