Okay, absolutely sure the affair is over. As sure as one can ever be I guess. As I have stated before, we seperated in Jan. She has her own place. The last three nights she has asked me to come over and spend the night, I did. I am into a really strong plan A, and we have been getting along well since the A ended. Well tonight, she works late, I have the kids at my house and I just assumed she would come over here. Instead she goes out with girlfriends and goes home. She phones me when she is home and I can tell she is very drunk. This is a new habit she has picked up, she was never a heavy drinker during our marriage. I dont know what to make of this, and I have been on the verge of shifting to plan B. She keeps saying she needs to go at her own pace and I assume she is still in some sort of wacky mental state bec the A just ended, but what is the timeline after the A, before you get a gauge on behavior and decide what to do next?

Whatta

Dr. Harley says for a WW who is in a "soul mate" relationship it will take a solid 6 months for the fog to clear..... That's if she doesn't relapse on you.......

If she does then the clock starts over......

My WW finally went to NC the end of June 09 and I am finally seeing glimpses of her coming around.......

You gotta put your head down and stay the course...... Plan A the crap out of her and watch her like a hawk !!!!!!

As far as the affair being, over in my case ,the POSOM moved across the country in Sept 08.... They found a way to continue to talk til June 09....

NC is NC and you've got to have that to move forward........

As far as her mental state you'll have to wait on her.....
I've likened it to treading water......

She'll start to change towards you and when that fog clears enough the next step is to do the emotional needs survey .....

DON'T TRUST HER ......SNOOP......WATCH.......KEYLOG...RECORD....TRACK.....


My WW went thru a drinking stage as well..... I think it helped her cope with the guilt she was feeling....... In my case the WW laid off the hard stuff ..... But it minds watching

I'm sure others have better advise about that.....

Thanks still, I think yiou are right on. She came over bright and early this morning. We had a good talk, she finally said she wants me, wants our family and wants our life back, now we just have got to find the path. I am going to hit her with the MB program this weekend. She knows very little about it at this point.

The drinking is def. a solution to the guilt. She is terribly guilty, and has expressed that to me time and time again lately. This is a rollercoaster for sure, last night I was ready to throw in the towel, the only reason I have not is bec of these forums. I have realized to expect these days and hold ground and fight. I am optimistic!

I wish you would consider counseling with Steve Harley.......

It's is way cheaper than a D .....

I got a lot out of the counseling he did with us...... It's $200 a session and well worth it.........

The link to him is on the home page ..... I'd plan on at least 2 sessions ....1st one with you ......then both of you together....he does it on the phone

Having a clear plan is your best chance of success ......Steve will help you develop that plan.....

I am absolutely open to counseling with Steve. I just wanted to first see if there was anything to save. We are going to talk about it over the weekend and if all goes well I will call on Monday.

What does that mean? Your WW is in lalaland so I wouldn't put too much stock in anything she says. If you buy into her A silliness, you might be throwing away a perfectly salvagable M.

I just meant that she was so fogged for awhile, she would not have accepted any counseling, not would she even have a convo about our marriage. She has just now come around. Its still day to day.

WW is still fogged out. I still don't understand your thinking.

Whatta,

When I first contacted Steve it was more for me than anything else.... MY WW had her head so far up she couldn't hear anything I was saying...... Steve gave me a Plan to approach her to get her ready to talk to him.....

From what I've read of your threads I think he can get her to respond ..... Even in her fog Steve and you can start to work on her to bring her back .....

Rome wasn't built in a day and this won't be fixed tomorrow but..... progress however small can be made....... Steve can help you thru this important phase and it's worth every penny.....

I thought of it as less money the WW might end up with if we D
....small comfort......

I had 25 great years of marriage to base my decision on I knew I was going to fight til the bitter end to save it.......

You have your wonderful kids and good years to base your decision on......


Call Steve's office tomorrow and set up your talk it will be the best $200 you've ever spent on yourself........

Whenever I see someone who posts about how it would be less money than the D would cost. Heck it is less that the wedding itself cost in most cases. I had a small wedding and it still cost 5000. If I could imagine spending that kind of money for one DAY, then why wouldn't I want to spend a portion of that for a possibility of a HAPPY LONG M?

Well Said Scotland...