I love that line. It always makes me laugh.

We have had a few BH's here who would pay for the cruise too!

"Once WW and the scum bag OM get back from Martineque in two weeks, she promises complete NC as long as I promise to never expose and she does not have to write an NC letter. Best $6,500 I have ever spent"

Thank you for the link Fred, this is great. Now I know what to send my in-laws should they say again that the A did not have much to do with the end of the M....
And to my son when he says that OW is not that important....
blessing

quoted from the article..don't you love it....! WH did mess around with the neighbor...I am tempted to put this in his mailbox!!!!!!

for sure! Hey, didn't schtoop's wife just have some "closure" too? [the WW and OM have been in contact ever since]

I say don't give that therapist another red cent. I hope your wife has been paying for this quack, not you.

I agree with the total cold turkey break. I don't understand this closure crap anyway. She wants to ask why he did it. I told her with. With most guys it's about getting laid. Nothing more nothing less. Sure he listened to your problems while he was stroking himself but a counsler could have done that with allot less wreckage to our relationship. What could he possibly say that give her closure? I am thinking if she still needs closure is for her figure out what is more important me or closure with the scumball who knew she was married and still committed adultery anyway.

KB, it is profoundly disrespectful to you and will harm your marriage. Nor will she get "closure" from asking him. If all she wants to do is ask that question, then YOU can go with her to get her "closure."

There is no such thing as "closure." It is in the same mythical category as "soul mates," etc. Thats cute when you are a mindless teenage gurl, but silly when you are a big girl with car keys who is old enough to reach the gas pedal.

What possible difference does it make?

Other than a chance for him to keep her attached to him a little longer by saying something that will stroke her emotionally.

A chance she should never expose herself to, if she cares about your marriage.

Thanks. I going to stick to my guns. If she instists on getting this closure then maybe I make some closure of my own.

yep! tell her you need "closure" too and will be accompanying her!

[but promise to leave your pistol in the car! ]

Ain't that the DAYUM TRUTH.......( another needlepoint project for Pep!!!! )

I concur. Closure? Its the opportunity to get another fix.

I would like to know how you get over your spouse having an affair. I wake up sometimes trying to get those images out of my mind but it doesn't work all the time. It drives me nuts and I get very angry. I want to go and kick the [censored] out of someone. What do or did any of you do to get some peace? It's not like I want to think of that but it happens.
I am starting to think about leaving her and the feeling comes and goes. 2 nights ago the scumbags friend calls my wife and says a friend of his had died and he needed consoling. My wife asked if he put him up to it and was he standing there (apparently he wasn't). (I think it's a head game) She then hung up on him. So the next day I called a so called friend that knows this guy pretty well and asked him to have this guy stop calling her. He said he would. Then later that day I get a call from my wife saying that this so called friend was mad and didn't want to get involved and his wife was getting pissy about it. my w blew up at me because I called this so called friend to try and stop these calls. By the way my w would of never met scumbay if it weren't for this so called friend.

No the feeling of ditching the w is even stronger than ever. I really need to cool down and find some way to have peace.

You don't get over it. Over time, hopefully you come to a place of acceptance. Was an NC letter ever sent to POSOM? You might want to change phone numbers if OM and his scummy friends are calling either of you.

Were you present when your wife took this call and hung up? WW getting upset that you called scumbag friend makes me wonder...

Its hard to give advice when there is so litte detail. Thats why most people have a signature with some details of your situation. Or the link to your previous posts.

Can you verify N.C.with OM?
N.C. also needs to include all of OM's friends.

I am almost 2 years out from D-Day
But less than 1 year past N.C.

I am not yet "Over It"
You don't ever really get "Over It"

You get to a point where you have maid peace with it.

That happens after 1 - 5 years of N.C. and both of you working on recovery.

I wonder how many of you just got fed up with it and left or have had revenge sex? I would just rather leave than anything else. I think revenge sex is just a whole new set of problems.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=159043&Number=2324496#Post2324496
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http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=159305&Number=2333514#Post2333514

Don't choose to do something that will possibly damage you. Revenge sex would more than likely damage you, as well as your chosen revenge-sex partner. Why do it?

You're going to have to retrain your thoughts, kingblue. Teach yourself that:
1. It isn't going to go away. It happened. It is now a part of your marital history. Accept it.
2. Use this new history for good. Learn from it and grow yourself. Learn the things that caused the affair and how to avoid another one.
3. Let time happen. It's going to anyway, so accept that you have to heal through the pain.
4. Distract yourself. Overlay traumatic affair thoughts with other thoughts when they happen. This will be nearly impossible at first, but it becomes easier with practice.
5. Look at your W and understand that you are looking at a flawed human being, just like the rest of us. Love her for her faults and work with her to build a better, more-protected M.

Sure sounds easy, doesn't it. Believe me, I know it's not. But it does get better. It really does.

Easier said than done but I am trying. Some days I can stay distracted from it and some days it's just like someone is slamming me in the head with it. As far a revnge sex. No. Not for me and then I make someone elses life miserable and complicates my life even more.
I guess the other thing that gets to me is that my w must think that it will just go away. That we should move on like it never happened. Then I see her crying about it.