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(((hbh)))
This was very insensitive of him. I hope he apologizes profusely for all of this...
It IS hard to go through all of this stuff and get rid of it...you will do it when you feel strong enough. Some like to do it a little at a time, others do one big purge...whatever you can manage.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. 
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(((hbh)))
This was very insensitive of him. I hope he apologizes profusely for all of this... He doesnt think he did anything wrong. He said he was going to tell me to delete the pics this morning when he woke up (he was looking at them last nite while I was asleep). I think it is over. He left. Maybe I am making too big a deal of this, but I don't want to PRETEND to be working on our M, if that means he can sit in the next room and look at POSOW. I really do feel like he's cheated on me all over again. I have an appointment with SH tomorrow at 8. I was going to wait until BaT did the timeline or the 24th (a month after SH told him to do it). I have an appointment with my attorney next Tuesday.
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I asked about "him" so I could understand the context of what he meant. BaT should be worried about protecting you and your marriage not "him".  I do not think meeting with an attorney is a bad thing. It may give you some peace of mind to know what lies ahead should D become a reality down the road. If I could smack your WH for you, I would. Hugs to you hbh.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Maybe I am making too big a deal of this Stop that. You know you are not. Your WH was a complete dbag for continuing to look at the pics.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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He doesnt think he did anything wrong. Yes he does, He knows he did. But he wants to gaslight you into believing he did not. He did not think he would get cought. I think it is over. He left. Like left and is not coming back, or left for a walk? Maybe I am making too big a deal of this, but I don't want to PRETEND to be working on our M, if that means he can sit in the next room and look at POSOW.. Untill he is through withdrawal crap like this is likely. Thats why it is important to eliminate things like these pictures ASAP so that they can not hinder withdrawal and recovery. I really do feel like he's cheated on me all over again. Trust me, I know what you mean. I have an appointment with my attorney next Tuesday. Careful, he reads this thread. Never give your battle plan to your enemy.
Last edited by Gack1; 03/11/10 11:37 AM.
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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He packed bags and left...but he's been texting me the whole time. Such high school drama...its lunch time and neither of us have worked today...ARRRGGGHHH I asked him to come talk to me, so he's on his way. Don't worry about my "battle plan" Gack LOL BaT can read all he wants to here...I have an airtight pre-nup and post-nup. There is no battle...there would just be signing papers. He's not even on the lease at our home in new city. I just CAN NOT believe this...what kind of life is this for me???  I am so over being a drama queen...
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hbh,
Just looking at POSOW's pics last night triggered him back to the FOG and/or withdrawal. That is why things are so hellish today, why he has left, etc.
Not shocking at all, very standard. It would be best if you could purge your house soon of anything like this.
And it is absolutely NECESSARY that BaT stops getting his "fix" when you two have an argument. That is what happened last night, very typical of waywards/addicts. Things got rough and he ran out to get high...now you both are dealing with the fallout of his poor choices to "use" again. Many refer to it as "escapism".
Hugs
Last edited by MarriedForever; 03/11/10 11:52 AM. Reason: clarification
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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P.S. we went through a FR and that is how I can clearly see the signs of what happened...he is still very foggy.
Last edited by MarriedForever; 03/11/10 01:25 PM.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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He packed bags and left...but he's been texting me the whole time. Such high school drama...its lunch time and neither of us have worked today...ARRRGGGHHH
I asked him to come talk to me, so he's on his way. hbh, keep a cool head. I know it is hard but if BaT can't act like a grown up and is packing his bags hoping you will beg him to stay, don't go there. If he wants to play games or act like a 4 yr old, hold the door open for him. You don't need more nutso drama to deal with...you have enough on your plate.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Happily married to HerPapaBear
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WOW! Several BW's tell you that your question was insensitive, if not hurtful, TO THEM and quite possibly to HBH, and you dismiss the whole point because you are "fascinated".
You know, when one person is hurt by my words, I might dismiss them as overly sensitive. When several are, it might do me well to re-examine my own sensitiveness or lack thereof.
I'm surprised at how callous you were to fellow BS's . Where was all of this outrage when I asked the same question to Jonpen in his thread? Not one person said one thing! Jon answered the question, I told him to consider weight lifting if he has time to give him even more of a physical advantage over OM, and we moved on. Double Standard? LOL. Double standard? Uhm, I've never read one word on Jonpen's thread. Is only reading HBH's thread a double standard since she's a woman? (rhetorical question) Not sure how a question can be honest. Is there such a thing as a dishonest question?? An honest question is one asked with no malice or ulterior motive. Compared to one asked deliberately just to cause an uproar. (In Internet terms asking a question like this is called trolling)I did not think you asked with malice or intent to harm. But when it was brought to your attention by several BS's that it was insensitive, I was disappointed in your lack of concern at that point. You can stand by your right to be insensitive and I'll stand by my right to point it out. 
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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HBH, many of us here that are now very happily married, spent months dealing with a fogged out wayward and/or a false recovery. Your situation is far from hopeless.
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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HBH, many of us here that are now very happily married, spent months dealing with a fogged out wayward and/or a false recovery. Your situation is far from hopeless. I know...it just seems like the end of the world because I'm dealing with it now. BaT INSISTS that it wasn't looking at the pics to find POSOW...that he was up last nite working on the "timeline", he got upset thinking about the babies (which I do believe, because he can't talk about our kids w/o crying), and that he was going thru family pics. BaT says when he saw her he felt physical pain because in the same picture would be the babies smiling and having fun. I don't know...I want to believe him, but even if that is the truth...IT STILL HURTS!!! He should have turned off the computer when he saw the first picture. He didn't think it would hurt me this bad (his words) because I know there are pics of her all over our house that I have to go through. (True) Another thing that backs up his story (that he was going to tell me and it wasnt about POSOW) is that he didn't delete his computer history. BaT is WAY smarter than that...he would cover his tracks, if he thought it was something bad. My issue is: WHY DIDNT BaT THINK HE WAS DOING SOMETHING WRONG??? wrong=hurting HBH
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My issue is: WHY DIDNT BaT THINK HE WAS DOING SOMETHING WRONG??? wrong=hurting HBH Because he doesn't "get it."
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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HbH: Ever notice that just when you start feeling a little stronger, BaT finds exactly the right button to push to bring you to your knees again?
This is not an accident. It happened to me, too, again and again and again. Until I got on ADs and went to Plan B. *Then* he was so angry about losing that control over me that he left and filed for divorce, but at least he cannot hurt me anymore - not like that.
Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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My issue is: WHY DIDNT BaT THINK HE WAS DOING SOMETHING WRONG??? wrong=hurting HBH
Go there, instead.
Communicate with each other before taking action.
More "bang for your buck".
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HbH: Ever notice that just when you start feeling a little stronger, BaT finds exactly the right button to push to bring you to your knees again?
This is not an accident. It happened to me, too, again and again and again. Until I got on ADs and went to Plan B. *Then* he was so angry about losing that control over me that he left and filed for divorce, but at least he cannot hurt me anymore - not like that.
This woman's husband IS doing that.
Let's keep hope alive, shall we?
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P.S. Addicts don't care who they hurt. That is one of the hallmarks of addiction - being oblivious to anyone else's suffering, and indeed using that suffering to keep everybody else right where they want them so the Addiction can remain the addict's first priority.
Seriously, have you ever seen the TV show *Intervention* on A&E? I recommend it for any BS. I think you will be shocked at how much it resembles exactly what every BS deals with.
Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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It's a shame your H never counseled with Harley's. I tried. XWH refused. POJA was a dealbreaker for him. (Is that an oxymoron, or what?)
Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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My issue is ... why did he not discuss this with his wife BEFORE looking at photos.
Go there, instead.
Communicate with each other before taking action.
More "bang for your buck".[/font] Pep, you are right. His only excuse/reason/whatever, is that he was doing the timeline, got upset, saw the pics card, wanted to see pics of the babies...and POSOW was on there... I told BaT that looking at pics of her while I am asleep in our bed is no different to me than the two of them having sex in our home while I was asleep upstairs. It is just that ugly to me... Ultimately, this is what he said: "I never thought the pics would have this effect on you. I was simply going to tell you this morning, hey, there are pics of OW on this card, you need to go through and delete."
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