Sounds ridiculous, I know, but there it is. When I was 14, I was figuratively struck by lightning in church, and there she was. She was 13 and felt it, too. We went on trips with the church, but never "did" anything, just flirted with each other like kids who are lovestruck used to do. On church trips, she would pretend to sleep on my shoulder, but be awake the entire time, basking, while I would do the same to her. It was magic. I knew I wanted to marry her, even then. We talked on the phone all the time, both our voices trembling the entire time. Dark clouds were on the horizon, though. When I was 16, her family moved overseas. We were both crushed. We never got a chance to share the first kiss together, or hold hands, or go on dates. None of it. Years went by, and I thought about her every day. I never shook her. I couldn't; I knew we were supposed to be together the second I saw her (she told me that she knew, too - more on that later), but she was gone, and every other girl I connected with just "wasn't her".

I went off to college on the east coast. Over summer break, two weeks before I was to return for Junior year...*BAM*...there she was in a retail store, just standing there, giggleing like crazy when she saw me. Turned out her mom had moved back to our hometown in the midwest after an affiar by the father. We were both shaking so bad we almost caused an earthquake. Both flush, like she never left. I took her number and arranged a date. I borrowed the nice car that my parents needed for their carpool to work later that evening (more on that later), packed a picnic, bought some roses, and went to pick her up for our first official date. She was stunning. I can see her as clearly this moment as I could that very day. We spent a magical afternoon (her favorite day of her life, she has told me) together and completely lost track of time. The car was needed, and unbeknownst to me, my parents had been calling her mother for an hour non-stop. This was pre-cell phones (remember those days?!). I knew I was running late, so I got her home, pulled up, and parked out front. The moment was there; our first kiss. I leaned in, closed my eyes, and-

-Her mom burst out the front door, yelling for me to call my parents. My girl was embarrassed and scampered off, while I, flustered, drove home...practically tearing the steering wheel off the column as I did. The next week and a half went by in a blur. I saw her once more, but in a group, though we talked on the phone 2-3 hours every night and never wanted to hang up. Again, we ran out of time. I went back to school on the east coast, she went off to college in the midwest. We talked regularly, and always fantasized about visiting each other, but it never happened. I went home looking for her that Christmas, but her mom had taken the father back and they had moved to the south. She was gone again. Two more years went. We wrote letters, talked on the phone, but neither of us could say it. Both were afraid the other didn't feel the immense love the other was feeling. Turned out we both did. I picked up the phone one night and it was her. With a trembling voice, she said she was engaged. "You're marrying the wrong guy" was on a loop in my head, but I found myself saying, "Uh, wow. Aren't you a...a little young?". We stammered through the brief conversation and hung up. She was truly gone this time. I blew it. I never took her. I never drove to her campus, took her in my arms and kissed he like the world was ending. I was to blame. I felt like I had to let her go, but I couldn't seem to forgot her, try as I might. Ten more years went by. She was married as planned and had two kids. I moved to the west coast for my career. The clock was ticking on me, so I got married and we just had our first.

[ALERT: Here's where I "justify" it]

I love my wife - She's a great person, but we don't "click", always kind of bouncing off each other, never on the same wavelength. Her parents have commented that we never seem like a team. We aren't. We want different things, and want to live in different places. She is in a completely neglectful marriage. She jettisoned a bright career and is at home alone with the kids until they are off to school. She sees her husband maybe two hours a day, if that.

--------end justifications--------

Enter the internet.

I joined Facebook a few years ago and just like that, there she was. I clicked a friend request. She approved it and we started talking. At first just a little, but all small talk and BS eroded under the weight of "us" in about a month, and now we're at it every single day. We talk of how much we always loved each other, we talk of how even though we've been apart, we've never been able to shake each other. If it sounds like a cheesy movie and you feel sick reading this, imagine living it. We're living The @#$%ing Notebook or something. I love her so much I can't describe it. She feels the same, and like me, she always has. Two nights ago I was laying on my side. I couldn't sleep. I reached over and started rubbing the shape of her body in the space next to me. This was at 1:45 am west coast time. I found a FB email from her the next morning time stamped 4:45 am east coast saying that she couldn't sleep, and could feel me touching her. I don't understand this thing anymore, but it is obviously completely out of control.

We talked today about this and agreed that we are both lucky to have wonderful spouses who love us, and that now there are children involved, we cannot act on this. Nothing "real" has happened. I love my wife, but am I "in love" with her? No. I knew that well before my soulmate came back into my life. Same with her. She loves her husband, but doesn't burn for him the way she does for me. I don't know what to do. I love her so much it actually hurts, cliched as it sounds. She is the same. We haven't even talked on the phone. Just chatting on FB. I'm 35. I've been in love with her for 20 years. It's been the same for her. My question is, what can I do? I can't imagine this feeling to just go away for either one of us if it hasn't already.

Nope. I'm not gonna be the first to bite on this one...

Not me...

Couldn't read it all. Read the same thing too many times...same turd different poster.

Sorry bud...your "feelings" aren't unique.

Here's a link you MUST read then come back and tell us how you intend to implement No Contact AGAIN with this woman for life. You'll manage a life without her just fine. You've gone this many years without her in it...what's a few more decades.

31 Reasons to Stop An Affair

We'll help you get out and save your LIFE, INTEGRITY and FAMILY...if your serious about seeking and taking advice.

Mr. Wondering

Well, what you shouldn't do is act on your feelings.

It's time to grow up.

Welcome to MB.

What can you do? Print up your post and hand it to your wife. Then send your skankho mistress and her HUSBAND a no contact letter as outlined in the book Surviving an Affair, following the deletion of your facebook account.

Sit your kids down and explain to them that their father has behaved like a scumbag by pursuing a filthy, adutlterous affair with a married woman on the internet. Tell them you are sorry for pursuing your "happiness" in such a horrendous, disgusting, shameful manner that jeordizes their family. Pledge to be a better man and a better father in the future.

The next step will be to work on your starving marriage to create a romantic relationship using these principles.

And no, you are not "in love" with her. Having an affair with a married woman is not "love," it is the highest form of disrespect. You have spit in her face.

This is the advice I get on here? **Edit**

Ugh.

Should have known better.

This is the letter that should be sent, with your wife's approval, to your OW [other woman] and her HUSBAND:

here



[from SAA, pg 58]

OW, I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk to you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that BS did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay BS for the pain I caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she has been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.

Sincerely, XXXXX

Whats wrong, hun?

Much better. Thank you, Mel.

Just the first two responses. Seriously. Why bother?

Have you told your children yet about the skankho? Do they know yet that you are willing to destroy their family over your "happiness" with some skank on the internet?

Huh?

Troll much?

You were expecting a Rose Garden? Attaboy's??


Should have known better than to get involved with a married woman? Yes.

Mel gave you great advice. (even if you don't like the way she said it it is the absolute truth)

Judging by your writing style I assume you are quite intelligent. So how in the hell do you believe a girl you have only had a passing, random interaction with is your "soulmate"? BTW soulmates are about as realistic as the tooth fairy and Santa Claus. All are magical, but none are real. Firstly, nothing is worth leaving your family over unless you are being abused, etc. Secondly, all that glitters isnt gold. Hug your wife and get a grip on yourself. Delete you facebook and leave that girl at the top of the beanstock.

Good Luck

****edit****. My point was that I am serious and came here because I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. You responded with a nice, obvious helping of expected internet snark. Every forum has a guy like you, pal.

There are a few sites that you can go to to talk about the wonder of your love for skankho. MM, OM and OW support each other and celebrate their love on those sites.

MB works to protect marriages. It isn't an affair-supporting site.

Yes, you should have known better.

Just imagine what it will be like to...

1. tell my children I am destroying their lives so I can pursue my "happiness" with a faithless skank who does not believe in fidelity and has no respect for marriage.

2. tell my loving, faithful wife that I am leaving her

3. face my parents and explain my adultery and abandonment of my wife and children

4. face a JUDGE in a court of law when I am being sued for divorce on grounds of ADULTERY. Watch my mistress being sworn in during our divorce hearing to give testimony of our adulterous relationship in front of her husband and children

5. have to live in a rented room in a flea bag motel while I pay alimony and child support

6. to have see the DISGUST on the face of every decent person in my life who knows what i have done to my family for the sake of my "happiness"

7. watch my affair crumble in the light of day as do 95% of the affairs once they are exposed to the light of day

This is what I came here for. Not people attacking me or her or anything like that. And for the record, I'm well aware of the fact that we both might be in love with "the idea" of each other, but have never lived with each other or been through the challenges of a marriage together.

Gotta say, though - It was never random or passing - We saw each other all the time and talked several times a week growing up.

You would have known better had you spent even a little bit of time reading this site. It's a Marriage Builder's site. Meaning, people come here to work on their marriages, not their affairs.

Did you actually expect people to fall all over themselves agreeing with you that your story is so much different, and your love for your affair partner is indeed so special, that everything else on this site doesn't apply to you?

Not gonna happen.

Go back and read the articles on the site you obviously skipped right over, then come back and we'll talk.

Right now, I gotta find my windshield wipers. The fog in here is really clouding up my glass.

You actually want ppl on a marriage building website to condone your A? You have to be kidding. Any woman who knowingly allows a MM to pursue her is a skank. Your W deserves to know that you have fallen in love with another woman. You are holding your W hostage in a fake M where she believes that she is M to a man with character and integrity and you have none of those. If this woman will cheat on her H with you she isn't much of a woman.