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He promised her he would marry her!!!!   Idiot! I will never understand WayTards. Is there any way you could get him to wright down exactly how he thought that was going to turn out? Please have him include a few flow charts, a pie graph, and a bar graph so that I may have some visual aids to help me understand. Did he give you any reasons why he told her that? Yes, and it was pretty much along the lines of how he started saying "I love you"...it just happened... BaT said POSOW was always asking about how long they would be together and if anything ever happened with me and him if the two of them would be together. Part of BaT's problem...not that it makes it ANY better...was that he was dealing with a very immature person...he could never make her mad or upset her, because all she had to do was walk into my office and tell me everything. So basically, he always told her what she wanted to hear. I do believe him on this NOT THAT IT MAKES IT ANY EASIER TO STOMACH...but BaT could have left 100 times since D-day and he always stays...I mean his WORDS said he would leave, but not his ACTIONS. I think he was saying what it took to keep POSOW happy. I am not letting BaT off the hook by any means...but I think I believe his reasons. And,I am soooooooo Very sorry you had to experience that.
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It was so weird and so distressing to see my smart husband become a dumbstupidwaywardassholewhodroolsstupidity. My thoughts exactly!!! I really did have trouble with this one...It almost made me think (for two seconds) that surely there is some sort of real connection between them because otherwise....WHAT AN IDIOT?!??!?!?! Honestly, I think this explains some of the foot dragging when it comes to complete honesty about their actions.
They are so embarrassed to have their fullfrontalstupidity on display for the ONE woman (their wife) who they MOST desire to impress .
Our men come to realize that they need us to admire them, but they fear we cannot admire them because of what they have done.
[/font] BaT has intimated this to me on more than one occasion, Pep. He's humiliated..I can see it in just the way he carries himself. Last night and early this morning, he was almost sheepish. But the timeline (once I got over the vomiting) was a good thing for us. SH said that once we get that out of the way, we can start to work on R the M. Yay!!!
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I already knew what I was going to be worried about...and sure enough it was in there...He promised her he would marry her!!!! BaT had always denied that...POSOW had already told me though, when she was trying to break us up. {{{{{HbH}}}}}, Oh sweetie......I am so very sorry. I know how bad this hurts.....*sigh*..,.. BTDT..... I found out the same information when I finally was able to get into H's emails, way back during my ordeal.... MB was on one of it's infamous "shutdowns" and it was 2am. It was a very traumatic night. I ended up throwing the cd's tower across the room...  (ok, I guess this is where I let ya know AO's are my biggest LB's....). There were pictures of the ring he picked out (ugly as all get out.....Marquis cut diamond..... I'm partial to the Princess cut....  ). But as bad as that hurt, it was the talk of having kids together that really killed me...... Anywho, (sorry for that t/j......), yes it does hurt but Pep is right about this showing how stoopid the wayward brain gets. A really mushy mess.......makes ya wonder about the intelligence of the OP is to BELIEVE such nonsense.... I am really glad to hear about the club though..... Sounds like it was just what the Dr. ordered for your M. A chance to take a breather away from A and M talk. Kudos to you..... Well, I promised to talk about the self-care but I gotta run. Not to mention I am posting this from my phone, which can be a real PIA !!!!!!..... Keep on venting here and tonight I suggest you and BaT do some UA. Maybe a good comedy...... Something light-hearted..... I'll keep on praying for ya.... 
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Did he give you any reasons why he told her that?  ..... T/J Pep, I emailed SMB about this this morning, but I did want to pass this onto you.....(and Kayla and Mark) I just got done reading thus book, "Stories.....The Redemption of One Man's Wounded Sexuality" by Tony Ingrassia. It was a GREAT read about the bondage sex can hold over men....Very enlightening. This man has been counseling my Dad for awhile now. He has been an amazing IC for dad and the growth my dad has experienced these last couple of years has been a joy to see....anywho, I thought you all might like to take a look see.... T/J over Not2fun
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Almost all WH's promise to marry the OW. That is just part of the delusion. Even read about one who was going to move his OW into the family home and move wifey into the basement. He thought they would be one big happy family. LOL! Delusional, I tell you.
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And by the way, I'm very encouraged by hubby's honesty. And by golly, he DID do the timeline. Give him a pat on the back for us.
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And by the way, I'm very encouraged by hubby's honesty. And by golly, he DID do the timeline. Give him a pat on the back for us. Thanks Believer  I will pass it along!
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Did he give you any reasons why he told her that? I can totally buy that Pep. Any wayward that just says "I would do or say anything I had to, to get my next chance to bang OM/OW" I would believe and be able to understand there train of thought at the time. It's the "I thought I was in love" crowd who really intended to go through with it, that I just cant wrap my mind around. I guess there more evolved way of thinking is just beyond my abilities  I know, don't try and understand waywards. One cannot make sens of insanity. SH said that once we get that out of the way, we can start to work on R the M. Yay!!!  BaT may "Get It" yet 
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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HbH, I've been thinking of you..... How are things going?..... Hopefully still on the right track. If ya got a moment, drop on by...... Not2fun
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Ohhhhhh HBH...... I see ya "lurkin'"....... ![[Linked Image from bestsmileys.com]](http://bestsmileys.com/eyes/14.gif) How about an update while your here???...... Hoping all is well with you..... {{{{{HBH}}}}}} Not2fun
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Hi Not,
We are still together...nothing good to report, other than still in the same household.
I was just re-reading my thread, trying to go over the advice again...
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Hi Not,
We are still together...nothing good to report, other than still in the same household.
I was just re-reading my thread, trying to go over the advice again... {{{{{HBH}}}}}, I'm sorry to hear this......but not too surprised. Unfortunately the Recovery process rarely goes smoothly....... Want to give us a more DETAILED update?? Maybe we can help get you two back on track......or is it possibly more of a individual issue??? You are at about 9 months out from Dday, so emotions are probably still a bit all over the place.... When was the last time you or BaT talked to Steve? I'm glad you came back on though.....You have crossed my mind.......  Not
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HbH - do you have an update? Hope things are improving.
Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1 The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"? The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!" If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
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hurt but hopeful
I am dealing with the same feelings! It will be 2 years in October since I found out about my wifes affair with a co-worker. Since then she has done (almost) everything she is supposed to. Most of the time things are pretty good.
But it has changed me for good. I will no longer feel the same about her. Our relationship has been rebuilt to some kind of new degree, just like they say it can be done! It is still not the same. I was always one to say that I would never stay with someone that betrayed me like she did. But we are still together! 20 years is hard to throw away plus a lot of other factors, the kids, family, ect. I have days with such rage like it just happened yesterday. I wonder at times if I still love her. I wonder if I am staying together for the wrong reasons. I wonder if it will ever get better?
It is still so hard to do. There are so many triggers. love making isn't the same. The simple little things like the tingling sensations I used to get when holding hands or other things is rarely there anymore.
Sometimes I think I am over thinking all these things and it drives me crazy. But if it is not there am I? All I do now is take it a day at a time until it either gets better or some miracle cure comes over me.
Good luck I hope things get better for you as well!
Last edited by nxs450; 09/18/10 11:22 PM.
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