Many MB-ers shy away from your post b/c you have the Queen of MB advising/coaching you. Seek Jennifer for advice, we are here just posting our take on your situations.
WH is still having A and he will do anything to continue it. Anything you ask him to behave like H will make him acting out. Is it LB'ng ?
Yes to WH ... not to H. Yes if you continue to nag on him or the way you ask it. In another word you have no choice to ask NC if your want to protect your M and put protections/monitoring around it.
If you ask and he refused, don't Angry Outburst, don't push it, don't LB. Simply states that you need NC in order to move on, leave it there and get Jennifer coach you for the next steps.
Yes, driving to LA might be an LB - independent Behavior and could be Annoying Habits to your H. Is there any reason why you want to drive to LA and not taking the plane ?.
WH tells me the advice he got for the M to get back was to give me lots of patience and for me to trust him again. and adds but I dont know how much patience I have...
That didn't sound nice....
No it didn't. It is not H is talking. WH is talking.
so I told him NC was important to me for trust to come back and because it just goes back to my old question I asked him... do you want me to be hanging out with an old boyfriend or lover? then its the same concept...
am not sure if he understood me
Do any of you understand me? am I wrong in my position?
I need some help here please?
GOOD for you !!!!. I assume you told him not in angry tone or disrespectful but calm and state what you need in order to gain your trust back. You need to protect this M and there is no other way but NC. You need to let him know how he could amends you.
Don't bring it up again unless during M talk or he brings it up. Yes, you need to stop "demanding it". About continuing plan A, you have to follow Jennifer's plan. She probably already described to you under what condition you need to go to plan B.
Hang in there. Plan A is not for everyone.
-rh-