Nonsense.

Here�s the thing, Dawn. If you not taken off your panties with a married man you wouldn�t have to be crying about blame. You deserve every bit of blame you get and are not in any position to cry about an imbalance of blame.

As far as I am concerned, you deserved a prison term for sleeping with a married man and got much less than you deserve.

And if you don�t agree, then you are NOT anywhere close to recovered because you are more concerned with your consequences than with the consequences your victims suffered at YOUR HANDS.

I AM NOT FOGGY...

Just simply making the argument that wayward man and wayward woman are guilty of the same crime.

What would you have liked from the OW Mel? What would you have had her do to make ammends to you? This is not a "foggy" statement. Just curious, really.

[quote=MelodyLane As far as I am concerned, you deserved a prison term for sleeping with a married man and got much less than you deserve.
[/quote]

Mel, I do agree. But, from my BH's point of view, he would think the same thing about your WH, correct? That's all I'm trying to say.

Oh yes, a wayward who is more concerned with BLAME than with the crime they inflicted on their victims is foggy. And wayward minded. Its the rapist who whines because he got a longer sentence than the bank robber. It shows a complete lack of remorse.

I wouldn't have wanted the OW to do anything, but according to you, the OW is held more accountable than the WH. So, which is it?

I realise this. You are more concerned with BLAME than the crime you have committed against your BH and the OMW.

That is wayward thinking.

No, I am not more concerned with who is more to blame. We were both to blame. It was both who committed the crime. I am very concerned about the pain that I have caused both OMW and my BH. I feel terrible about the A that I participated in and I will spend the rest of my life regretting it and wishing that I could turn back time and do things differently.

There is nothing I can do to make ammends with OMW but, I am trying to do the right thing as far as my H goes. I am trying to be a good person and a better wife.

I did not go out looking to get involved in an A.

Of course you are concerned with who is more to blame. That is what your posts are all about on this thread: who is MORE to blame and your insane comment that the OW is "more accountable."


So? Does this somehow absolve you?

I am amazed at your posts here, Dawn.

Actually, you said this:


So apparently it is your concern. I am not sure how you imagine an OW is "held accountable" though.

SD-I know that this is what people say all of the time. BS/WS have a 50-50 accountability for the state of their marriage pre-A. Then the WS has 100% accountability for their AFFAIR. That means that you have 100% accountability in YOUR M. What accountability do you have in your AP M? I believe that would also be 100%. You KNEW he was M, right?

I am sure many WS would also say that they didn't go looking for an A. I am sure that it "snuck" up on them. They still made a choice when they didn't stop themselves. That still leaves you 100%accountable for your M and 100% accountable for OMW M.

While you may seem to not be "MORE" concerned, it seems that you want remind BS on this thread that their spouse is JUST as guilty, which isn't the reasoning for this thread. It's really none of the OP's business what the offending spouse is going through.....

Most WS don't, HOW.EV.ER....that statement does NOTHING to alieviate the BETRAYED spouses pain. And for some of the newly betrayed, it can be construed as an insult.........

The FOW in my sitch was the "single office skankho" that you describe above and even though i know she did not hold a gun to my h's head, i still want her to suffer for what she did. I do not know if i will ever feel any differently towards her.

Yes I am one of the ones that want the other woman to suffer. She s suffering because she lost a relationship her husband due to the affair with myH. No she is home alone with no one. I want her to expierence the same pain that I do. I resnet her but dont hate her. I just want her to get away with you she has done. Sometmes it seem like the OW is getting away, but her dy will com, just back, relax and wait.

When justice is done, it brings joy to the righteous but terror to evildoers.
Proverbs 21:15

Buy the Sims 2, make a sim with OW's name, and kill the sim in various ways. Works wonders for people you hate.

They can die by flies, drowning, etc..etc...

You can include a food source but no toilet or bed, that way the sim pees themselves and has to sleep on the floor.

"Having a resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die." ~Malachy McCourt

"Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head� ~Ann Landers

�Nothing on earth consumes a man more quickly than the passion of resentment� ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

I did not go out looking to get involved in an A.

I swear if one more skank-ho OW says that a MM pursued them I am going to scream. How in the H*ll can a MM pursue you? How in the H3ll do you allow a MM to pursue you????? When a MM comes on to you why didn't it discuss you from the very first come on. I am a VERY atractive woman and work in a male dominant field and it discuss me to have a MM say ANYTHING out of the way to me. Always has. Please explain to me how a MM can "pursue" another woman. I hear this all the time and I just don't know what this means. If you have self respect and dignity you won't allow a MM to "pursue" you. I look at any man who is M that comes on to me as a scum bag. And yes my DH is a former scum bag.

And yes, you did go out looking to get into an A. You don't just fall on another man's d*ck, you make a conscience decision to sleep with him. You lie, make all kinds of arrangements sneaking and continuously lying to make it happen. You even sneak in bathrooms while your spouse is home to text and do all sorts of crazy things to contact the OP. Like a drug addict looking for their next fix.

Stilldawn you are still foggy. Your posts indicate your fogginess. The fact that you are still foggy after all this times shows how self righteous you still think you are and I feel very sorry for your H.

Stilldawn,

If I read your posts correctly, you had two affairs with the same man, the second after a several year period of of NC. While OM never left his wife, your first marriage crashed and in your second marriage, you were quite upset about your OM not leaving his wife for you.

I agree that you are still foggy. I also think OMW would be totally justified in carrying ill feelings for you for as long as she likes. You are a definite threat and predator to her M. You were not the victim in any of this. You were the perpetrator.

AM

I'm sorry to read a post like this from someone who has participated here for while. It it steeped in regret, but not particularly for breaking your vows, hurting your husband and inflicting a vicious blow on an innocent woman and her family.

In this post, your identification is with yourself as an OW, not as a WW. You seek to defend yourself as the OW you were, and not to protect you marriage as the FWW you claim to be now. You are still identifying yourself with that MM, instead of breaking your identity completely from his and focusing solely on your husband.

"I just imagine that his life is all peaches and cream". He had fun with you, and now he still has his marriage intact with no consequences that you can imagine, and you resent that.

You state that XMM is not suffering and you are the only one doing so. You seem to have no conception of how how, as the OW in this marriage, you have made his wife's life MUCH MORE UNHAPPY THAN YOUR OWN. She did not choose any of this, while you did, and now she, like all of us, lives and breathes the misery of this affair. You have the opportunity to read the stories of many betrayed wives every day on this board, and yet you seem to have learned nothing about what you did to that particular BW; you still seem to focus on her husband. I perceive a deep-seated resentment to the innocent BW who "won" the MM over you.

YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS THINKING ABOUT THAT WOMAN'S HUSBAND. If you must think about that marriage, think about the wife and children whom you attacked. Hope that they are recovering well and be joyful if their lives are "peaches and cream" - even though you should know their lives are not; not yet. Hope that there will be peaches and cream for them one day, even if your own marriage never recovers.

If you must see yourself as a FOW, think only with regret about what you did. Hope (and pray, if you pray) that you will be forgiven for what you CHOSE TO DO to those innocent people.

Then STOP thinking of yourself as a FOW and think of yourself as a FWW. Think of what your H needs from you everyday, and be glad you have the chance to recover the marriage you chose to destroy.

I am not glad you are suffering. I wish your affair and its consequences had never happened. Affairs are all such a stupid waste of time and they bring life-long harm in many cases. Just please STOP focusing on your resentment for the consequences to you of your own actions, and stop thinking about the MM whose life is now "peaches and cream" (I don't think).

Great post, SC, I think you nailed it with this comment.