Okay. I think I've figured out your strategy, lost. You are trying the "Reason and Hope" strategy. You plan to reason with him and then you hope he'll see the light. The problem is that this strategy does not work. You cannot reason with a wayward. Their thought processes are mired in addiction.

You will have to intervene in this addiction by exposing the A and you'll have to do it now. You have found that reasoning doesn't work, so you've resorted to threats that I suspect you never meant to follow through on, since you're hoping that reasoning with him will 'make' him see the light.

The only thinkg you've accomplished with your foot-stamping is to show your hand. But all is not lost, lost. Get moving right now and you may still be able to accomplish exposure with OWH. You can get to other exposure targets after that. OWH is your critical target.

The problem is is that i love him.
And i guess I am afraid of him and of losing him.

I called her cell, no answer.

I called her home line, went right to voicemail.

I also have her facebook and her son's facebook as well as her home address.
I have her work phone as well.
As far as my husband? He's calling me a psycho. He says he didnt contact her. I know, but he's a liar.

I told my husband that I would fly down there to wait to talk to her husband in person. I know I can expose, it depends how far I want to take this.

I want to help you, lost, but I need to know that you are listening to us.

Please let me know that you are.

I am...I just said that I am trying to contact the family. I am also patient. I can wait it out and strike when they least expect it as well

Where did you say that you are trying to contact "the family"? All these are means of contacting either her, or her son.

How are you trying to contact the crucial person, the BH?

Did you read what we said about forewarning him? The home phone went straight to voicemail because your H warned OW, and she has fixed this. She is not going to let you through to her H.

Did you read what I took 20 minutes writing, about how his anger is normal, and how you should not take it as his last word? Why are you still writing about it, if you have understood what I said to you? Why aren't you asking us for more about good ways of exposing, and about how to spy?

Am I wasting my time here?

DO NOT contact the OW! You need to get to her H! Keep trying the home phone. Someone will have to answer. Make sure you *67 before you dial the number so your phone number doesn't show up on caller ID. Better yet, go to a pay phone or a friend's phone without using *67 - a lot of people won't pick up if the number is restricted.

As a last resort, send an overnight letter with copies of everything you have, but mail it so that the H will have to go to the post office to sign for it and pick it up. Include your name and phone number so that he can contact you to see that you're not this spittle-flecked crazy woman his W will have made you out to be. This isn't as good as a phone call. Keep trying to get her H on the phone.

I know you love him and don't want to lose him. So do what works - stop it with this "exposure lite" thing you're doing!

Lost, we want to help you, but you've got to listen to us! Stop telling your H you're going to do anything! Just DO it! You know you have no intention to fly anywhere. But you should! All you're doing is blowing smoke, trying to make your H get religion. It ain't gonna happen, lost! You are going to have to pony up, here, and get going on exposing this to her H!

also, lost,

If OW keeps us the successful blocking of their phone, you will never get through, but there are other ways.

Just google the man's name. There is a good chance he is on a company website which will show a workplace phone number and email address. His wife cannot block those.

I found OWH by google, and eventually contacted him through his workplace email address. I did ring the landline first, but his secretary said he was away for a week. I then sent a very low-key, neutral message saying I wished to speak to him about a committee he was connected to, and could he please let me have a non-workplace email address. He did so, and I spilled.

I didn't want his secretary or other colleagues reading about his private business, if they had access to his workplace email.

Anyone can google me, my H, OW and OWH and immediately find our employers and our contact details at work. This loss of my privacy annoys me no end, but it affects most of us. It probably applies to OWH. You can use it to your benefit.

Word, sugar. I forgot about the google method. Yeah, I'm on there, too - my place of business, my work email, committees I'm on...it's all there. I, too, hate the lack of privacy, but in this case it definitely comes in handy.

Try that, lost.

And for God's sake, woman, don't tell your wH about it!

i looked him up. i see that he works for some utility company, but there's no info.

I have their home address and phone number but the home phone goes right to the answering machine when i call...what does that mean? I've never heard of that.

It means the OW has turned off the ringer and programmed the phone to go straight to the answering machine because your husband has warned her about your incoming call.

That is a GREAT start. You can contact him directly soon, knowing only that much today. You can find out more tomorrow.

Okay. Now you know where he works. Send a certified letter there with your info (especially your FULL NAME and phone number) and ask him to call you.