Ok, many of you have asked me to tell about my little adventure in Twinky Bashing.... so here goes. (for bacground check out my Stupid Stupid Stupid post).<P>I'm not sure where to start.... maybe back a month or so ago, when I called her H and told him there were over 120 calls on my H's cell bill to His W in a 4 week period?? But that wasn't actually confronting her...<P>On Tuesday nigth, I got to really tell her what I thought about her.... in no uncertain terms (lots of @%$@^@$#$^ will follow in this post ).<P>When I saw them sitting there together, it took everything I had not to go knock her @$$ right out of the chair.... But I regained my sences long enough to remember that starting a fight there is a felony, and I really didn't want to go to jail. So, I calmly (yeah right!) approched them.... she tried to be Friendly with me (Gag, Puke), and I told her "don't EVEN say anything to me" and I told my H he had balls of steel to be sitting there like that... We walked around the corner to talk, after he told her "I'll be right back"... (more gags). <P>The conversation was not pretty.... can you say LOVE BUSTERS!!! (well, it's better than Head Busters!) I told him he could F&^* her all he wants, because I just don't give a great big flying f(*^ anymore... he insisted they are just "friends"... we went around the same old tree again, about how he neglected me to be "friends" with her...yadda yadda yadda..<P>Now for what you have all been waiting for...<P>I was walking past them a little later (No, I didn't let them being there run me off), and I went to walk around H... between him & BT (brainless twinky). He cut me off and said "don't you Even..." And I told him to get the f*^( out of my way... I wasn't even going to acknowledge them at this point, but since he put the idea in my head, I walked around him, and doubled back...<P>I walked ritght up to her face, and told her "you know, BT, for someone who was so 'concerned' about us saving our marriage, you've done one he## of a job at destroying it".... bt "but we're just friends" (*whine*)... Me, "shut up, I don't want to hear it"... BT "I do want you to save your marriage... H is my friend" (gag)... <P>Me "You know, I could accept friendship between you two, until YOU replaced me in what little converstaion we had at that point, and then, H started doing all the things I'd been asking him to do with me... Only he started doing stuff with YOU" He never would take me out to bars, or to go "play for the day in *city*""... BT "but there were lots of us there..." ME "I don't care, I was NEVER EVEN INVITED to go. You were alway included in these outings, but I never was". BT "well my H never complained about us doing these things...." ME *cut her off* "I don't care about that, because IT BOTHERED(S) ME, and we're not talking about your H." <P>Me "H has known about my feeling about this for a very long time, and I know he told you about it. But you have both proven that noone else matters to either of you but yourselves. H proved that I don't matter as much to him as you do, or as much as he matters to himself."<P>"I don't even care anymore if you have been f^%#(ng eachother. What hurts even more than that is that you have replaced me in every other way too.... He wouldn't even speak to me, yet he couldn't wait to talk to you--- I could tell by the cell phone bill. He would stick around after work to spend time with you (waiting or going to a bar), while I sat at home alone waiting for him to come home. Even if there were others there, I was never invited (ok, once.. but it was late -11pm-, I had to work the next day -- H knew I couldn't go)."<P>I told her how for the last month he had been trying to get me back, and "I'm sure he didn't tell you I was there Sunday when you called, or that I had spent the night there..." That he had worked *so hard* to get me back, and then withing 72 hours, he was HERE with YOU.... when he was suposed to be with ME, and I was waiting for him.<P>Anyway, I ended up telling the brainless little sl&t that NOTHING She had to say mattered anymore.... because H had made his choice clear to me.... he picked her. I told her she was welcome to the lying sh*t, bt "but we're just friends" (*whine*)... Me "Well, even if you haven't f*&%%d him, you've still managed to destroy my marriage"... bt "but we're just friends" (*whine*)... ME "F(*K YOU"... and I started to walk away...<P>H followed me out to the parking lot, trying to explain.... I told him he had LOST... I didn't want to hear anymore lies from him... I didn't want to hear ANYTHING from him. <P>Ok, I kept a lot of the #^@&&# out of the post, (If I had tried to post everything said, I think the board would blow up) but you guys get the idea.... It was NOT pretty... But it felt so good to finally tell BT what I thought of her.... I didn't mince words, I didn't cry, I didn't deck her (I did make sure she knew I had thought about it, and IF I had, she'd be on her way to the ER). I wanted to make sure that she knew exactly what was going on. And, unless she doesn't even have a single brain cell up there, she knows now!!! Our little confontation took about 1 1/2 hours.<P>OK, now..... give me some feedback. I know I lovebusted up, down & sideways, but it felt so GOOD!!! I showed them I'm not a DOORMAT!! I stood up for myself! <P>Thanks for letting me tell about this.... I have another story about last night... I'll post it later.... It's even better than this one!!!<P>B<BR><P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

WHOA!! I'm glad I'm not your enemy!! I know it felt good sister!! I did the same thing to OM and my W 7 weeks ago!! I told OM he could have her and if she did it to me she could DO it to him. I came SOOOO close to killing him with my bare hands!! Instead, I told him to "live" with what he did. <BR> Then, I threw her out!! (we were planning a seperation for months little did I know SO WERE THEY!!) <BR> Well, try and guess who MY W lives with now? He left his W the same night!! They have been bouncing around from furnished apt to motel and it's costing them a fortune!!<BR> Here's the part you WON'T want to hear. IT WAS MY BIGGEST MISTAKE!!! It felt GREAT for a while, but BIG BIG mistake!! It will take me MONTHS to recover from it. I'm sure it just reinforced the LIES my W was telling OM about me. I'm a BAST*** and an abuser etc..<P> PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE talk to him and %@#@%@^ drag him to counseling if you have to!!<BR> It's NOT to late!! Sell the house, kill the dog, quit jobs, burn bridges DO WHAT IT TAKES TO GET HIM AWAY AND INTO COUNSELING OR BOOKS OR THIS SITE OR WHATEVER!! <BR> Because SISTER, believe me. NOTHING (even this) will hurt more than if they move in together!! Your mind will EXPLODE thinking about their "Love Nest" and the sex, as the feel they were "pushed" into each others arms and DESTINY IS HERE!!!<BR> They will work a LOT harder at "making it work" if FORCED to!! And you just made the grass SOOOOO much greener.<BR> PLEASE BE A DOORMAT, I know it's hard (I F#$^ing HATE it!!!!) but from what I can see, it works and it's the only way!!<BR> I'll be praying for you. <P>------------------<BR>desperate<P>

Standing My Ground....<P>Ok, here is what happened last night....<P>I had to go see H last night (yesterday was payday). I had to get the money for the loan payments I made yesterday, so I could eat this week. (we agreed that he would give me the $ by the 13th of each month, and I had already floated the other payment this month). <P>I knew there was a good chance BT would be working last night too. I was not going to let that stop me... I'm tired of considering THEIR feelings, when they so obviously doesn't consider mine. I was standing up at the front, and I admit I was uncomfortable (just a little) because I felt on display there, not for any other reason. H was taking his sweet time getting me the check, so, I decided to make myself more comfortable.... I went and sat at the bar **BT is a bartender there** (and YES, she was working last night).<P>I grew the biggest pair of Steel Cajonies EVER.... (as a friend of mine would say... they would have put an Elephant to shame )... I walked right up to the bar, sat down & ordered a drink! I didn't feel the least bit uncomfortable!!! I didn't even acknowledge her presence, didn't say or do anything... just sat there, smoked my cig & enjoyed my drink. I never even looked at BT. I was not there to cause any trouble. I had every right to be there, I was a waiting on MY H, and I was a paying customer. I didn't do or say anything to anyone....<P>I must admit that I did enjoy watching her squirm.... isn't it funny how guilt will make someone uncomfortable?? It made me feel even <B>more</B> Comfortable... is that weird??<P>She ran to H (who is the GM there) and whined that I was making her uncomfortable.... so H & another manager came out..... I thought I had the biggest cajonies there, Wrong!.... I was asked to leave the bar... to go sit at a table facing away from the bar, if I felt I NEEDED to stay.... HA HA HA... I told them I was a paying customer and I was not there to make her uncomfortable, I was waiting, and having a drink. <P>H said there was no reason to bring her (BT) into it (too bad, she got herself 'into' it), and that she was an employee there, and I needed to leave. She had come back to the bar, and I made sure to say the following just loud enought for her to hear (without causing a scene).....<P>"I don't care if SHE is uncomfortable.... I came her to get a check from you, and I sat down to have a drink. She may be an employee, but I am a paying customer. I will leave now, but ....<BR>NOT because SHE is uncomfortable, and NOT because I am uncomfortable, because I AM NOT. And, NOT because you are <I>*asking*</I> me to, BUT because (1) I have what I came for (the check), and (2) I have finished my drink." It chapps my @$$ that he brought another manager out "incase I caused trouble".... I know it's a felony to start "trouble" in a bar... I'm not stupid... <B>IF</B> I wanted to start something, I would have waited outside for BT to leave work....<P>But, as a friend told me...... "You wouldn't hit a pile of SH*T, would you?? You just get your hands dirty, and it's not worth it!!" She is not worth it.... I am better than that (even if the thought does cross my mind from time to time ).<P>I have taken my desire to <B>P</B>ound the <B>O</B>ther <B>W</B>oman and send her to the <B>ER</B>, and turned it into <B>POWER</B>. I have regained the POWER of controlling MY LIFE! I will not give it up again! I am back in control!<P>Thanks again for listening to me.... it really helps.<P>Thoughts & Prayers,<BR>Butterfly<P>

PleaseHelp,<P>I'm sorry for what has happend to you... I know the pain, and I'm sorry. Thanks for your reply, it really made me sit and think about things. This is not an attck on you.... just clarification of why I don't feel any regret about what I have done, and why I will not, why I can't. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. <P>I have been a doormat for too long... Plan A is not about being a doormat. I needed to stand up for myself, For ME. I can't go on living my life that way. It's not a LIFE if you are misserable all the time, and for the last several years, I have been. IF our marriage is going to work out, H needs to know that there are things I will NOT do anymore. <P>Since we separated again this time, I have learned to LOVE and RESPECT MYSELF again... I will not give that up again, even to save my marriage. I am a person of Value, I have feelings and Worth. H has not respeced that, and I let him get away with it (not just where BT is concerned). I will not do that to myself again. I have come to the conclussion that I must be HAPPY to be able to have a happy and successful marriage. If H wants things the "same old way", it's not going to happen. I will go on with my LIFE, with or without him, but I will not go back to the same old existance. If I must go on without him, at least I can take this lesson with me, and use it. I will not ever let anyone take ME away from ME again. If H can't accept ME, as MYSELF, then I am better off without him. <P>I do still love him... don't get me wrong, but I have to LOVE ME when I am with him. If I can't do that, then what is the point?<P>I hope that made sence.... <BR>B<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

Butterfly...<P>You are no longer a caterpillar anymore...<BR>You've released your cacoon (H)...<P>But is that what you really want?<P>I am much newer to this site than most (less than a month)... but I have to agree with PH!<P>So the lovebusting was GOOOOOOOODDDDDD...<BR>But, if you're really at this stage... how about a last ditch Plan B (very quickly)....<BR>Let H know that your LBs of late were the clear unequivocal indication of your need to protect <B>YOU</B>! Write up that letter for Plan B right away... and we <B>all</B> know... If Plan B doesn't work... it will give us the time we need to accept our destiny for a new life! But it will allow for a more gradual adjustment...<P>Please don't break your wings...<BR>You may think they are hardened with bad experiences... but maybe now their just a tad more fragile.<P>Deep prayers for you today, tonight and tomorrow. God will take care of you no matter what... We'll all be thinking of you. Put a in your heart...<P>Jim<P>----------<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...<BR>

YOU GO GIRL!!!!

Butterfly....I would have done the same thing with NO regrets....

Butterfly,<BR> Atta girl! Get your self-respect back,and make your life better.You don't need this.I know if I ever saw my W's OM(never have),and he said anything to me,I'd have so much anger towards him,that I could drop him like a bad habit.Not that I would,but the temptation would be there.Take care of yourself. --Murph

hi butterfly, I am happy to hear about the changes you have made!! Not so sure about the approach, but whatever works for you is great!! <BR>Cause trouble with the ow? Nah, that was not the purpose, was it? I find your h's reaction pretty odd. Geez, if he needs that much help, better get him to counseling fast. Emergency sessions and all that.<BR>Now you can move forward. They both have seen waht you are capable of, and they should respect that. Go to work on healing your heart bf.

Butterfly,<P>Forgive me for intruding... I don't know your complete story. But I just wanted to say a few things.<P>Your anger is justified, as is your grief. But your interactions with the OW and your husband did nothing towards healing your marriage. If anything, you've alienated your husband even more. Now if that's what your intent was, then I won't say anything more. But if you want to save your marriage, then I don't think you should do that sort of stuff anymore.<P>From your husband's point of view, you've gone crazy. You're off the deep end. Nothing will drive him closer to the OW than what happened over the last two days.<P>I'm not saying that you should let him treat you like a doormat. And I certainly understand your anger. I'm just pointing out that you probably damaged your chances of repairing your marriage. Of course, it could be possible that at this point you don't really care anymore, in which case, you can just ignore me. Just giving you my impression...<P>--andy

I think you did well. My H *liked* it when I fought for him and faced off with his "friend." He thought it was cool to have a woman fight for him. So andy might be right, or he might not be - only you will know the answer to this and time will tell. <P>I played the fool for my H once and he knows I won't do it again - I was just doing everything I could at the time to save our marriage and confronting her was my last resort. Not gonna play the fool no more and he knows it. He knew my next step would be to say "I've tried everything - I quit." Sometimes a man will push us to see how far we will go and that's what my H did to me. <P>Our marriage is strong His friend is out of the picture. I didn't ruin anything.

KarmaGrrl,<P>I'm merely making an observation based on what Butterfly related to us of the events of the last few days. It sure sounded to me like her husband is now thinking that she may cause trouble. He brought with him another manager to "handle" the situation. Does that sound like a guy who was happy that is wife fought for him? Not to me.<P>Butterfly has every right to be angry, and probably the OW and her husband deserves every bit of what she said to them. But I really don't think she forwarded her progress in rebuilding her marriage, based on how she described things in her posts.<P>--andy<BR>PS to KarmaGrrl: what kinda music do you like? Your name makes me curious...

From my understanding it was the OW/"Friend" who got the manager involved, not her H. Am I missing something?<P>Butterfly feels *great* she stood her ground. More power to her...doormat no more! I'm proud of her. Weak women make me sick. <P>Weak men make me sick for that matter too.<P>We have to learn to fufill our own needs *by ourselves*, if our spouses fill us up with more, then our "cup truely runneth over." <P>Music? Well lets see, we have some Enigma, Deep Forest, James Taylor, Nine Inch Nails (for pms'ing), lots of lounge music, some techno and house. Seems my CD player won't play Celine Dion, C&W, rap or Mariah Carey...bummer...NOT!!!<P>

KarmaGrrl, Butterfly wrote this:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>It chapps my @$$ that he brought another manager out "incase I caused trouble".... <BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>That's what made me conclude her husband think's she's out of control.<P>Please don't get me wrong. I don't like weak women (or men) either.<P>Re: the music question -- With the "grrl" in your name, I thought you might've been into bands like Sleater Kinney or Bikini Kill. Sleater Kinney is one of my faves.

Viki, NoTrust, cl, Murphy, Andy & Karmagirl.... Thanks for the replys.<P>I guess I was so chapped, because my H KNEW I wouldn't cause trouble... it's not my style, and I know it is a felony to start a fight in a bar. I didn't say anything to her, I didn't look at her, I just sat down & ordered a drink. I had also told him BT wasn't worth it... and I don't care anymore. I also think he did it to be a "big shot" at work. I'm sure he has told everyone there that I'm THE B*&^C from H&##. (Not just in the last few days). <P>Like I said, (I think), I didn't look at her, I didn't say anything to her, I just sat down & ordered a drink & watched sports highlights on the TV. <P>Right now, No, I don't want my marriage. I'm tired of the lies, the mental abuse, the pain. Our marriage had become hell on earth to me, and I don't want that anymore. I still love my H. I still want to work on a HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP with him. But, I had to let him know I wouldn't put up with this anymore. I just closed the door, I didn't lock it, and he knows that.<P>As for fighting for my H.... I don't know if that is what he thinks, or if he likes it, but I do know I got his attention <B>finally</B>! In the past hour, he has called me twice, and paged me.... he wants to talk to me. It makes me sad that right now, I don't want to talk to him..... it hurts too much. I honestly don't know if I will make it past this. <P>Well, he is paging again.... I'm going to talk to him..... I may tell him to quit calling... I don't know.<P>Thanks again,<BR>B<P><BR>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<P><BR>[This message has been edited by Butterfly (edited October 24, 1999).]<p>[This message has been edited by Butterfly (edited October 24, 1999).]

Sooooo, don't keep us waiting, DID YOU talk to H after he paged?<BR> I really don't feel like a doormat, I feel sorry for the part I PLAYED in making my W feel so unloved (and verbally abused) that she found someone to run to. I know it's the wrong thing to do but, she told me that she thought I wanted OUT. She found a shoulder to cry on and the OM took it and ran.<BR> Pretty easy to do when you know WHAT NOT to do. Well DID YOU???<P>------------------<BR>desperate<P>

Yes, I called him back. I knew I shouldn't have.....<P>He said he just wanted to talk about "stuff"... We ended up talking about me being angry about him *asking* me to leave the bar on Friday... I told him I was angry. That I wasn't causing trouble. I had no intention of causing trouble. I told him he knew me better than that. I was nice (as I could be.. no LB's), and I stayed calm (that I expressed... no LB's). He said he was protecting her feelings... I said he should have considered my feelings (all along). He told me I was threatening her. Nope, at least not intentionally..... but a guilty mind would think so. ** Keep in mind, he has never admitted anything more than friendship, I have no proof of a physical affair, he sees nothing wrong with this "friendship" ** <P>He said he expected an adult (of me), I said I was being an adult. He said "YEAH RIGH" .... I said "Goodbye" and hung up the phone. I didn't yell, I didn't cry. I didn't make any disrespectful comments. Not about how he considers her feelings, but not mine, not about anything. Maybe hanging up was a LB, but not as bad of one as I would have done, had I stayed on the phone with him. <P>I shouln't have called him back. Because I really didn't feel like talking to him, and because I knew we would end up talking about "it".<P>I'm gonna hang around for a little bit, then I'm gonna go to bed.<P>B<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

Hey girl,<BR>You make me laugh! Way to go! I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself. I don't think the principles of MB require people to be doormats. If so, I will have to read it to believe it. Sure you "love busted" but your H has "love busted" by not respecting your disapproval of his and Twinkie's "friendship". It's time to be happy. Happiness is up to us. We can't depend on someone else to give it to us. Just my opinion. I agree it's time to look out for numero uno...why the hell not...aren't they?<P>I'll be in touch! <P>------------------<BR>For I know the thoughts I think<BR>toward you, saith the Lord,<BR>thoughts of peace, not of evil,<BR>to give you an expected end.<BR>Jeremiah 29:11<BR>

Butterfly....<P>I'm sorry that your H felt the need to protect the Twinkie's feelings instead of yours. That seems to happen a lot, where the spouse is immersed in an affair and forgets the feelings/needs of their own spouse.<P>I don't think there is anything wrong with calling your H back. I woud have done the same thing.<P>Please don't pay attention to what his co-workers, OW or boss may think of you....what they think, doesn't matter. Anyone with any sense, and who understands the dynamics of infidelity would see what actually went on there.<P>I think it's time for you to take life one day at a time. Your needs have been neglected and it's time for you to take care of YOU.<P>God bless...