On Thursday I called the OWH and talked with him about some things that I knew and was uncomfortable with and not sure if he knew or not. I also wanted to find out if he thought that they had still been talking or not. So I tell him everything that I'm aware of that really bothers me and we talk for about 15minutes. He seems to be fine with everything, but evidently he wasn't b/c when I get to pick up my son on Friday, she tells me that she can't watch him anymore. I told her that was fine and I think it's for the best and "it is what it is".

The OW's mother was the person watching my son and has been since he was 8 wks old. He will be a year old next month.

I get home and my husband is looking at me and the look on his face tells me that he already knows. I didn't tell him that I spoke to OWH's Thursday b/c I was afraid at how mad he may get and it kept me from telling him. I did tell him everything on Friday night after I got home and really he was mad for a minute, but I kept calm and didn't cry. Wow that's a first. He seemed to get over it and almost seemed releived. I asked him about care for our son and he said just do what you want to do. I explained to him that this is our son's care and I don't want to do what I want to do, I want to do what will make us both happy and he left for awhile and came back and let me know what he thought about childcare.

My H said to me that he got a phone call during the day from one of our mutual friends that told him that I had called OWH's and he didn't think that friendships should be broken up like this and that OWH's is very mad at him. I expain to him again that OWH's has every right to be mad at him and I didn't call him to get back at anyone, but I had been thinking about it for quite awhile and I finally got up the nerve to call him. He said fine I won't have any friends. I expain the situation from our side and he just didn't say anything else and seemed to soften. Oh yeah he also said well this doesn't change the way I feel about you "I love you but I'm not in love with you." I explained that me calling him had nothing to do with how he feels about me. I also told him that OWH"s said the only thing that my H has ever said to him is that it's a trust issue b/c of getting into emails and checking phone records. I told him that I never did that and never had any reason to do that until after all of this. I also told him of an explicit email that was sent from his W to my H. Pretty sure he didn't know about that. My H said that he never said that to him and he probably didn't b/c he has told me numerous times that he doesn't have any issues of trust with me. I'm guessing that OW told her H this to try and cover her tracks that she was just "helping" my H.

I don't know what to make of that because he does seem relieved and that seems weird to an extent. So as the weekend goes on we are still talking about plans ect and really we seemed to get along quite well.

So I've called this other place and we have an appt tomorrow evening with her to go over all of the fine details and make sure that it's a good fit.

So now what to do just keep doing what I'm doing and wait to see what happens. I mean now my H knows that there is absolutely no chance in Hell of anything ever happening between them.

D-Day--11/1/09

Expose the A to everyone until and seek their help in ending the A until it ends. Follow Mb procedure have there be an NC letter and establish NC. Ofcourse your WH will be mad that you are exposing, dont let that deter you from trying to recover your M.



What makes you certain of that ?

I guess I just think that b/c he was very close to her mother and to her family (H and kids). Now I believe that he sees that they are not on "his side" and that they are on their families side.

I do believe that the A has ended and that they haven't seen each other or talked to each other. I believe this was just the last straw in making everyone including OWH's see it for what it was and not what they were making it out to be. They were making it out to be 2 friends talking b/c my H was having problems at the time. Not the case.

Good then expousre is doing its job. Now its time for WH to write the NC letter and send it out.
No shortcuts.
You want results youre gonna have to be strong and follow thru.

"My H said to me that he got a phone call during the day from one of our mutual friends that told him that I had called OWH's and he didn't think that friendships should be broken up like this and that OWH's is very mad at him."

I'm betting that the call was from the OW. Sounds to me like the affair is still continuing.

Keep exposing, and watching.

This is often a good indication that your speculation that it's over is correct as he'd probably go a little more nuts if you were messing with his addiction/affair but don't be to sure.

Trust but verify.

Also...those "friends" that got involved...do they know the whole story???

Mr. W

I'm guessing that it wasn't b/c I asked him who it was that told him and per him "It doesn't matter.". Then later he told me who it was "It was -----, since you'll find out when you look at the phone records anyway."

The "friends" don't know the whole story from front to back, they only know what OWH's has told him/them. My opinion is that they need to just stay out of it b/c I can guarantee that if it was one of them in the same situation, they'd be just as pissed/hurt/confused ect.

Then how do you explain this?

Re-read what Believer wrote. I think she's dead on the money.

I wouldn't believe a word of it. He's a wayward. Verify. OW could have called from someone else's phone.

I looked at the phone records and it was our mutual friend that he talked to on Friday. I don't believe it was her b/c of the fact that she was at work. I'm going to ask him what their conversation was about today and go from there.

Do not believe a word your husband says to you right now.

Believe only his behavior. Watch what he does, where he goes, who he is with, and what he does when he is with you. His words and what he tells you are the last supportive evidence for what you should believe when it comes to his affair.

Trust only what you can verify through at least one factual source.