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1. Do not warn anyone of what you are going to do.
2. Call om, he probably has a secretary that answerers the phone. The conversation should go like this.
Receptionist = Hello, you have reached the office of OM, How can I help you.
Tex77 = Hello, my name is Tex77, I am Mrs. Tex77's husband. I am calling to speak to OM regarding him ending his sexual relationship with my wife.
That should get the ball rolling.
3. Contact your wifes parent's, sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends, and her kids tell them about the affair and ask them for there support in ending it so that you can save your marriage.
4. If you have not yet heard back from OM, call his office back and ask the secretary what news organization OM would pref ere you call about his relationship with your wife.
5. Call anyone that OM has contact with that you can. He is a lobiest, call whomever he lobbies for and tell them about your wifes affair with OM and ask them for help in stopping it.
Do these things ASAP
Do them in order, and do them all at once
Do not warn anyone
Do not wait between steps
Stop reading this, and go do these things NOW!! See above. Get on the phone!
Last edited by Gack1; 03/18/10 10:36 AM.
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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Hold on a minute. You say the s#$% has hit the fan. No . . . what your WW needs to see is that the s$%^ would have only truly hit the fan if you two divorced and had to live a life without each other. If you have committed to the M and are following the Harley methods, she will look back on this day of exposure and say HALLELUJAH!! THANK YOU H!!! I think you are at a disadvantage that OM isn't married. An OMW is an excellent exposure target because OMW's typically guard their Wh's pretty closely and help to end the A. I don't always get on board with the public exposure method recommended on the forum. But, I think in your case it is your only hope (since there is no OMW and you have few family members).
But back on the aftermath of exposure . . . . the key is for your WW to see what a loser OM is, the fact that he was using her for sex, and how wonderful you are. It wouldn't hurt for you to explain to her (from a man's persepective) that he was using her for sex. Many times women don't want to believe that men are that way. She wants to envision the OM as some noble, loving man who sees her great qualities and "loves her for her." Do whatever it takes to show her that it is YOU who feels that way about her and that OM is treating her no differently than he would treat a prostitute (minus the pay).
FWW me - 35, BH - 50, 5 kids total (blended fam)
Dday - 1/29/2010, Exposure & NC same day
Recovering slowly
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I didn't ask a rhetorical question, Tex. I really want you to settle down for a minute and think. What are you afraid of?
Are you afraid OM will ruin your credit rating/community standing/good name/relations with employers,etc.? Are you afraid he'll send a goon to break your kneecaps? Look at each of these scenarios and truly pick them apart to determine their actual likelihood. I think you're too close to the sitch to see what we're seeing. What we're seeing is that you've just partially busted OM and your WW.
Here's what probably went down:
OM gets your email, says "Oh, shiite. I KNEW this broad was going to be a hassle! Damn, how will this affect my job?" He immediately forwards it to your WW with some cryptic note, words to the effect of "Just got this from your H. I thought you two were finished??"
Your WW immediately starts circling the wagons "We ARE finished! He's just a nut job trying to make my life hell!"
Now. What are you going to do? Let her leave the last word? Back this up! When he walks into his office it should be to a few snickers and a question or two "Um...OM...I didn't want to say anything, but I just got a phone call from a gentleman by the name of Texas777...it's a little sensitive..."
OM is going to feel your wrath! It will make the A not worth the effort! Holy mackeral - you could take this to the newspapers if he's that powerful! Imagine THAT exposure! And he may be worrying about that as we speak! I am firm on my decision. Given the OM's limited interest in my wife, I think this guy is smart enough to realize that my wife is now not worth the trouble when there are plenty of younger single women out there without any baggage. If I'm wrong, then I'm wrong.
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If I'm wrong, then I'm wrong. You are willing to bet your marriage on this?
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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Tex777,
Here's another thing: WW needs to outline her EP's to establish NC. NC needs to be established which is started by exposure and then the sending of the NC letter. Then, WW needs to come up with the EP (extraordinary precautions) to make sure NC (no contact) is permanent. You might wonder, how am I going to get her to do this?? Here's my thought - read all of the MB material together. Show her how many M's have been going down the drain, then an A happens, the couple follows the MB principles and establishes a R plan, and bliss follows. Who doesn't choose bliss if given the opportunity?
FWW me - 35, BH - 50, 5 kids total (blended fam)
Dday - 1/29/2010, Exposure & NC same day
Recovering slowly
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Tex777,
Here's another thing: WW needs to outline her EP's to establish NC. NC needs to be established which is started by exposure and then the sending of the NC letter. Then, WW needs to come up with the EP (extraordinary precautions) to make sure NC (no contact) is permanent. You are getting WAY ahead of the situation at hand.
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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She said basically that I have ruined her life and that she may have lost the OM for good because of what I did. Boo effing hoo. What she means is now I can't boink you both!
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Tex,
Do you have access to your WW's email or cell records? I agree with ML and think this has been going on much longer than you think.
The reason I think it would be helpful for you to investigate this is because it seems as if you think OM was only going after your WW because he thought you were out of the picture. I don't think this is the case at all.
For all we know, OM and WW could have already been in a full blown PA weeks/months before she even moved out of the marital home and they could have already exchanged ILYs.
So to reiterate: I think you are going to get yourself into trouble with your line of thinking on OM bowing out/not being invested in your WW.
What we do know is he forwarded your WW your email and they have also talked this morning. My guess is they got their plan in place to keep you quiet with her threat and they're going to keep the A going.
Have you told us yet who you exposed to? Have you exposed this to all your children?
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ps ~ another line of thinking/reasoning that is going to get you into trouble:
"My WW has put the D on hold and been spending time with me, it would be crazy for me to piss her off and rock the boat"
No, your WW is doing what is referred to as cake-eating. It means she is getting some emotional needs met by the OM and she is getting some met by you. Most cake-eaters will keep this up as long as they can.
So no, you never had hope of winning her back by not rocking the boat.
Last edited by SusieQ; 03/18/10 11:07 AM.
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Don't rock the boat...Turn the damn thing upside down.
I'd give my right arm to call some politician with the ammo you've got!
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I am firm on my decision. Given the OM's limited interest in my wife, I think this guy is smart enough to realize that my wife is now not worth the trouble when there are plenty of younger single women out there without any baggage. If I'm wrong, then I'm wrong. How do you know what his interest is? Based on what your WAYWARD wife told you?? Waywards are LIARS, Tex. They have to be in order to conduct affairs! Limited time means nothing. There are affairs that drag on for years while the affair partners see each other a few times a month. Look at Tiger Woods! Look at Maurice Templ..er..what the heck's his name...Jackie O's affair partner! OM may feel that 2-3 times a month is perfect for him! You are gambling on your WW's OM, sir. I hope that works out for you.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Are you 100% sure OM is not married?
Did you call OM's office yet?
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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Wife just called and said now she realizes I have not changed and that she can never trust me again. She said she talked to the OM and everything is fine. Then she went on a long angry rant about how wrong I was to send the OM the email, and that she and I are finished.
I just bascially said to her: "Why are you so angry? You said everything is fine with the OM and you have made the decision that we are through, so what are you mad about?"
She then said she is very mad at me for what I did and said many times for me not to email anyone else.
I'm just going to leave her alone. Maybe she'll calm down in a day or two.
Update: Just got another email from the wife:
"You really will never understand how you hurt me [referring to the email I sent to the OM]. You get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar."
Last edited by Texas777; 03/18/10 11:13 AM.
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Is there a single person who reads this (Other than TexAS777) who does not believe Tex should call OM asap?
Anyone?
We have seen this hundreds of times and lived through it.
Everything she is saying is from the Wayward wife script.
Call OM!!
Last edited by Gack1; 03/18/10 11:19 AM.
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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This A is still hot & heavy and they DO NOT want your interference.
She is telling OM this: Don't worry, it's all under control. He will NOT contact you again.
I would march down to his office and have a face to face meeting with him. Maybe bring a brother or a friend with you. Tell him you won't back down until he ends this A. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE IS TERRIFIED OF YOU DOING!
Email confrontation usually doesn't do much.
Have you exposed this to her children????
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I am respectfully requesting that you immediately cut off ALL FORMS of contact with my wife even if my wife initiates the contact. Why were you respectful? And why did you request, instead of demand? Your name is TEX. You are stronger than this. Don't make Texas look bad. From what I know about you, you seem to be a decent man. This is absolutely untrue: * He's a politician * He's a lobbyist * He put his penis in your wife. None of that sounds decent to me.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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"You get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar." Why would anyone want to collect flies?
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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Confront OM and make sure you expose this to the children and anyone else on the list above that you haven't told yet.
When she confronts you, calmly tell her, we can't fix our M until you end this A. Be a broken record and don't react to her anger.
Listen to me, the more angry she is = the more damage you are doing to the fantasy of the affair.
You want her to be angry! That means your plan is working!
She will calm down in a few days, they all do.
The worst thing you can do is not finish up the job now.
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Listen to me, the more angry she is = the more damage you are doing to the fantasy of the affair. You want her to be angry! That means your plan is working! Tex, you are not getting it. Read the above quote again and again. THIS is what we are trying to tell you. I grew up in Texas and frankly, you are going to have to man up and grow a pair if you want your wife back. Read the other threads here wherein a BH tried appeasement in hopes of winning his Wayward Wife back. It NEVER works. Here's something you may not have thought of: You know perfectly well that your wife is having sex with another man. And what effect does this have on you? Nothing. Oh, you're a little peeved, but that's about it. You ask your wife nicely to stop scr*wing other men and you ask the OM nicely to stop scr*wing your wife. And when that doesn't work, you just slink away in silence. Do you not understand the message you are sending to your WW?? You are telling her, "I don't care if you have sex with other men. I will not fight for you." No woman wants a man like that. Balls. Won't you?
Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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