I have been recently through major depression and 2 suicide attempts. While trying to recover from this I discovered my wife was wanting a trail seperation from before due to "falling out of love" and becoming "numb" to her feelings toward me because of me not meeting her emoitional needs. i also discovered that she is having an affair with a female co-worker. I believe there has been some physical interactions but mostly emotional attachment. They see eachother everyday and lately all weekend long too. this all happening while living at her (my wife's) parensts house with my children. they go away with my children on trips, the co-workers sleeps over, possibly in the same bed. I have read that I'm to make myself more attractive to her but still strugle with my emotions of upsetness and anger as she parades around with this friend and her parents dont't feel its an affair as they "haven't seen anything obvious". My statement to them is how about the consecutive # of approx. 20+ in seeing eachocther...that is just a friendship? I don't know what to do to help my situation and save my marriage. Please someone help me!!!

I am sorry, it is very painful, betrayal is the most painful thing on earth.
Now, for you W to have and A with a woman, she must have lesbian tendency. Is this new to you? Is it possible that this friend is really just a friend? Women at times become very close to their female friends when they go thru a crisis. I did too and I am close to female friends right now as I am going thru this separation. But there is no sex involved and even if I slept at girl friends houses, we slept in separate beds and there is no romance involved just friendship. I am saying this because I want you to be extra sure that you W is aactually romantically and maybe sexually involved with OW.

Can you get proof?
blessing

Well when asked about a physical affair she wouldn't say no, she just shrugged her shoulders. The co-worker is a forsure lesbian, my wife i have been told by various ppl doesn't show the qualities of one. I have texts of them talking about sex toys when she stayed at her place, talk about pulling her into the coat closet at work to give her a hug, my wife once wiped chalk off her bum and the other rplied she liked it. Lots of texts about rather spending tme with each other than me...now granted i was pretty messed up at the time...but thats when you need your spouse the most. Do you not feel that this is at the very least an emptional affair seeing as she is seeking it outside of our marriage?

As for my emotional stabiltiy my depression is under control it is the extreme saddness of losing my wife that i feel.

For how many weeks?
When was you most recent suicide gesture?

It's important to know how much this forum will be able to help you vs how much you might be better off with 1:1 help (counseling).

Are you sleeping?
Are you eating?
Are you able to focus/concentrate enough to effectively work a plan?

Feb 8th was last attempt by hanging, wife found me, both times involve alcohol which has now been stopped as of that day. no damage to me was done. i have been attending many support groups, and therapy sessions, taking medications as prescribed...no suicidal thoughts...that was only ever with booze...so thats gone. I know I have myself and my children to live for at the very least but would love to have my wife beside me. I do realize that I have put her through a very traumatizing experience, obviously not intentional as i would never want to hurt her.

As for my thinking and mental status, i could probably soon go back to work I just want to get some more therapy under my belt. Im able to look after my home, bills, self, just went on a trip bymyself with no issues etc.

see hasnt as she is living with her parents seeing this friend non stop and i get very emotional and out of control sometimes as I want to talk to her but she doesnt want to. so I guess i'm suppose to give her space to be with this person? be a good dad to my kids...and work on myself.

No i'm not as I have been able to not take one drink since the last episode...even just coming back from an all inclusive resort...no urge to die....therefore no urge to drink!

I'm not totally sure i understand the point of going to AA if I don't have the urge to drink? This may be some ignorance on my part as alcholism hasn't been a problem in my family before. How is going to AA any different than me staying sober on my own? Aswell as going to all my therapy sessions etc.? You are right there is nothing to lose in trying in other than if someday say down the road 10yrs when Im good and ready and stable that I feel like a beer with a hockey game...its gonna get thrown in my face that you went to AA and now you had a
beer = failure?!? No?

I'm not saying I will ever want a beer again but what i I do...I don't need it for drunkiness I like it as a beverage albit used it more than I should have in past.

I would guess that you are an alcoholic because you are talking like one. Go to AA - it will never hurt you.

Now, to get your wife back, go to AA, spend time with your kids, oh, and are you working?

I would venture to guess that she is NOT a lesbian, just emotionally numb, and the OW is meeting her needs.

everybody looing in agrees with what you have said believer in that she is not a lesbian and just is having her hay day with good feelings...so hard to watch. yes im working, being independant, seeing kids when I can. How am i talking like an alcoholic? I really dont understand that thought? and I'm serious.

I think you are talking like an alcoholic because alcohol is so important to you. Even though you are losing your family, have attempted suicide twice while under the influence, you still think that some day you might want a drink.

People always think that alcoholics drink every day and cannot stop. The more important definition is what happens when you are drinking. And two suicide attempts are way over the line.

I'm wondering what your wife has said about your drinking?

If my husband was drinking and tried to hang himself and I found him, I would be looking for a lesbian relationship.

AA will change the way you think about things, and it will let your wife know that you are seriously making changes.

As far as seeing your kids, you need to be seeing them on an established visitation schedule. They have lost their home and their mom is with a woman. They must be very mixed up. They need YOU to step up to the plate and be there for them.