Isn't this just more deception? Isn't it wrong of me to have invaded her privacy to find all the facts I "needed" to bring it out? It just seems wrong, and of course should be unnecessary in a healthy relationship, but I'm struggling with what I have done as well.
L46, is it deception and an �invasion of privacy� for the vice squad to spy on drug dealers and prostitutes in order to bring them to justice? It is the same principle as adultery. Logic would dictate that it is BAD to deal drugs and sell sex; but GOOD to CATCH them and stop their crimes. It is wrong to have an affair and lie about it, it is not wrong to CATCH someone engaging in such profoundly destructive behavior behind your back.
Your post is an example of the saying that "feelings are not truth." First off, your wife does not have the right to the privacy to destroy you behind your back. As her husband, you have a right and a need to know every thing she does because her every action affects you.
An affair, for example, is a direct threat to you in each and every way. It is a threat to your health [STDs, psychosomatic illnesses], your financial security [affairs cost money and many affairees wipe out the family finances], your emotions, and to your children�s family. As a husband and father your obligation to protect your family supercedes any imaginary �right� to privacy. She has no such right in a marriage. No one has the right to the privacy to destroy you behind your back.
In a �healthy� relationship, there is complete transparency and GOOD BOUNDARIES. If you had snooped a little more in the past, your wife would not have had the ability to carry on a secret second life that is necessary to conduct an affair.
