Did you have a prepaid burial plot with your ex? What did you do with it? Did the existance of this thing cause you any stress or grief at the time in addition to everything else?

Disclaimer: I'm really only asking out of curiousity as I didn't have one with my ex. However, we had talked about doing it in the past - just never got around to it. The topic of prepaid funerals and burial plots came up in conversation recently and my fairly strong gut reaction was thank God we didn't do it because in no way would I want to be buried next to that man and there is no way I'd want OW in MY GRAVE!!! But what can you do with these - can you sell them like real estate? Can you return them? Or are you stuck with it? After thinking about it a while, it occurred to me that despite my distaste for having OW in my grave, it would have to be even worse for her. She'd basically be getting buried in a preowned grave. Something about this happening to her makes the devil on my one shoulder smile.

Sorry if this topic is morbid, but based on my instant reaction, I expect this would have caused me additional stress going through the process if I'd had to.

We had prepaid burial plots, and it didn't bother me in the least. If he didn't want to stay married, I knew I d*mn sure didn't want to be buried by him. Told him OW and he could be buried together, but then she dumped him, so that didn't work out. I imagine someone in his family will get the other plot - doesn't matter a bit to me. Sorry to be so cold about it.

Tabby 1, I believe the answer is - it depends on whether the contract is revocable or non revocable. With the former, a person can cancel & still get their money back or they can sell it. With the latter, they may not be able to cancel or get their money back but they may stil be able to sell it or pay a little extra to get it moved away from the current location.

I think it depends on a lot of things, my h's parents had divorced when he was a teenager, his mom re-married three times after their divorce.

Her and her last husband had plots together, he passed away with AIDS after having an affair with someone who was HIV positive. However my h's mother still wanted to use the plot next to him when she passed away.

My h's father had passed away 5 years before his mother and he wished to be creamated so that is what my h and his sister's did and my h kept his ashes. When his mother got ill and knew she was going to pass away she told them it was okay to put their dad's ashes in the coffin with her and that is what they did.

So she is buried next to her last husband who had an affair and with her first husband in the coffin with her.

I think it is just up to the person involved and how they feel about it. I know with my own parents, even though they remained married for 51 years they were not in love for a very long part of that marriage. I remember my mom telling us that she did not want to be beside my dad (they had plots together as a wedding gift from my dad's parents, talk about morbid) for all of eternity.

However right before she passed away she told us it was okay to bury her there and of course we did because we wanted our parents to be together.

I do not know about the selling or whatever of the plots though, i imagine you would have to talk to the actual cemetary for that.

Well it's funny because I have a host of family stories revolving around burial plots as well, but none in relation to divorce. I had a great aunt who developed alzheimers and decided she hated her husband and refused to be buried next to him (he was already dead). She had no kids so it fell to my parents to decide what to do with her after she died. She was cremated and they put her ashes (in a box) in the trunk of my mom's car. She drove around with Aunt Ruby in the trunk for 2 years because she was too "icked out" to take them out herself and she hadn't figured out what to do with them. Eventually, she had to replace the car so she enlisted my brother and I to come and get her out and put her on a shelf in the basement. Two years after that, she sold the house and we were called to duty once again. We begged her to either put her in her own burial plot (which had her name on the tombstone already from when her husband died!) or get another one for her. She finally got one in our family site out east in Nova Scotia. Luckily it was my brother, not me, who had to drive Aunt Ruby out there.

I have another uncle who is a widower. He has a burial plot (again, with his name on it already) with his first wife. He remarried a woman who was also widowed. She also has a plot with her first husband. Both intend to be married with their first spouses. Apparently, they discussed this before they remarried.

I have no idea what divorced people do or even if it has ever become a point of contention in court. All I know is that I'm glad I didn't do it, and I have decided that I never, ever will do it whether I remarry or not. After I'm dead, I won't give a crap what happens to me. Maybe I'll end up like crazy Aunt Ruby in the trunk of someone's car for 2 years.

Ya I know, my family is weird. FWIW, my dad also did his time in my mom's trunk - only about 4 months. The family burial plot is in a small villiage in Nova Scotia. Dad died in the winter and the little gravesite wasn't able to thaw the ground to bury him then. Also, our relatives still in Nova Scotia were very elderly and unable to travel. So he was cremated, we had service for him here and then when summer rolled around, we had a burial service there. In between, my mom had the funeral director here place him in her trunk and the funeral director there took him out so she wouldn't have to touch him.

My FILs ashes just sat in his urn in our garage (my h's man cave) until we put him in my MILs coffin and when my h was out there he would "drink a beer with dad" is what he would say......

My husband's parents divorced when he was 8 (a loooong time ago).

His father died about 20 years ago. His mother is still living.
They were married about 18 years before they divorced. He remarried twice after (once to the affair bimbo and that died a quick death and again, years later to a very nice woman).

My husband's mother is the one who collects on his father's SS payout.

And her plot is still right next to his..she never made any effort to move it. Weird.

The stepmom remarried after his father died. So who knows where she'll be buried. Maybe next to her first husband? (she was a widow)

I discussed the ownership of burial plots with my lawyer today (how's that for coincidence?). Early in our marriage, we lost three infants due to prematurity. They were buried in the "Baby Land" section of a cemetery, just for babies. This is because most people who lose an infant tend to be young, and don't know where the parents will want to be buried.

A few years ago, my H's mother and father died within months of each other. We bought six cemetery plots; two for his parents, one for our premie babies (we moved them from Baby Land, and all were buried in one plot, because the coffins were so small), one for him and me, and one for our disabled son, in case he was still unmarried and passed away. It was just super important to us that the family not be separated. Our agreement was that when WH or I died, whoever died first would be buried by the babies; the other would be buried next to him/her when that day rolled around.

This leaves us with 3 plots bought and paid for. They are considered real estate, I think; you get deeds for them. I was feeling vindictive, so initially I asked for all three, but since then I have decided to let my WH have one of the plots so he will be near his parents and babies. I will arrange for myself to be buried next to them. This should make a puzzling series of tombstones, since I am going to take back my maiden name, so it will be a row of "here lies G, here lies G, here lies G, here lies G, here lies W, here lies G".

The lawyer wasn't concerned either way, said it will be handled as property division, and WH can just buy his share (plot) back.

Well, isn't this interesting!

I happen to be the president of the board of trustees of our local public cemetery district. I oversee two rural pioneer cemeteries that are continuing to receive burials.

Once you have a deed of ownership in our district, you can sell it, gift it, transfer it, whatever you want. The important thing is to let us know so our records don't show Joe Blow owning and then Jane Doe showing up to be buried. We are more concerned with correctly recording WHO is in there rather than who owns it.

After pressuring my husband to buy plots at a time before the price went up, he bought an entire lot -- 8 gravesites!

This was at the time he was in an EA which turned to a PA - still keeping up appearances.

Post DDay, and separated, where I get buried it up in the air in my mind. Depends on what happens with our marriage.

My widowed aunt married a widower and they agreed, as in a previous post, to be buried with their first spouses. For the children, this is important, especially if they or their families want burial near their parents.

Widowed is different than divorce, however -- no hard feelings.

We had a situation in our cemetery where the children wanted the mother to be buried next to their divorced father. The second wife wanted to be buried next to her husband instead of the first wife. Came down to who bought the plot next to dad first. The son beat out the second wife and brought it for his mother before the second wife could.

Don't like being in the middle of that stuff!

I'm getting my ashes buried next to Mike. I don't think if I remarry this would be a problem. And we can fit a bunch in since it's just boxes of ashes. Had I actually had a plot with B, I certainly would have left explicit instructions that I wasn't to be anywhere near him. However, this may have been different if we had children buried there. I'm sorry for your losses Ellen G.

The whole burial thing is kind of crazy. I didn't want to be buried next to my cheating ex, just seemed like a lie.

However, other than that, I don't much care.

Our family is as crazy as most. My sis has grandpa's ashes in an urn next to the ashes of her beloved dogs. My sons dad's ashes were buried at sea and they were able to paddle out for the ceremony.

My best friend had donated her body to science. She died on Thanksgiving. All her family and friends were there. When she died, we said some prayers, lit some candles, and while singing "Amazing Grace", followed her body out the door and into a delivery van that came for her.

Thank you, greengables.

believer, a DELIVERY VAN??? You'd think they could have been classy enough to send a hearse, for goodness sake.

I'm so sorry for your losses Ellen. What a shame. I'm also likely to leave a puzzle for my ancestors to figure out. My son is from my first marriage which didn't last long and XH left, never to be seen again. However, DS has his name. I remarried to WXH and took his name. My family has a cemetary out east, but it is full. If anybody manages to track my ancestry to that place, the original generation that settled in Canada is there. But since I no longer have my maiden name, AND my son's last name is different, AND I won't be buried with any husband that has either of these names, it could be fairly confusing.