Bravo, KA!

KA,

been only 7 to have my world ripped up - daddy isn't daddy?

Then when will it be revealed? Never? I was glad I knew something was up about my parentage from the very beginning, although I didn't know the full truth until my 30's. But the earlier you know the shorter the duration of being decieved.

Had I know earlier I would have met my Mother before she died.

And daddy is not daddy that is a fact, my adoptive father was not my father in all ways, he was never blood to me, and all those photos of relatives and family histories were all frauds to me.

years? In my case OMM was an impostor - taking my older brothers fishing while my dad slaved to provide for us and

If that is all he gave to you he got off lightly and I would recommend suing his estate. Did your father ever know as he was the one paying for someone else's children?

NJ

Not all of us have romantic ideas of birth parents/sperm donors. Besides. These 7 year old children are NOT ADOPTED. They have a loving father who has turned a blind eye to his wife's waywardness and loves these children as his own and they very well COULD BE HIS OWN. No DNA test has been done - just a romantic addicted ego thinks these kids are his!

I would not take another dime away from the COM. My father didn't ever know he was paying for someone else's children - and personally, I don't know that he's NOT my father. Just my mom's assumptions that OMM was the sperm donor.

I belong to the man who raised me. Period. Many times as a child I wished for a different dad, because of his alcoholism and abuse. So had I learned of a sperm donor back then my thinking would have been twisted by neediness rather than a well-developed moral compass. This would have made me even more twisted and needy than I already was!!

Children have enough confusion and haven't learned to be governed by anything but feelings of the moment. Some adults never outgrow this and this is what leads to adultery in the first place. It takes a lot more than feelings to live through life in a way that when you get to the end of it you have peace about what transpired upon your walk of life. Those who don't learn this don't get to have peace. They get to have FEELINGS - lots of them and most of them painful. My dad was driven to alcohol by a war and the feelings he couldn't escape any other way - the damage he caused to his wife and children is what he gets to live and die with; now he is going through this process, stone cold sober and suffering in physical agony for many different things related to a lifetime of hard work, self-deprivation and alcohol. This is not a peaceful end to a life well lived. Just mostly well-lived for he is an honorable man and for the most part (with the exception of the alcohol and violence during my childhood) acted with integrity and honor.

I have no kind thoughts toward OMM for what he did to my father. He might have been in pain over his own life and marriage; but his choice to get involved with my mother didn't make that pain go away; instead it deepened it. For himself; his wife, and his COM. And he spread it to another family too.

My mom saw him as her ticket out of her pain. And it only made it worse. For herself; her husband and her COM. And she stole from OMM's children and wife by doing it.

OMM is nothing to me. His family is impoverished and has been most of their lives; his oldest is addicted to drugs; the second - my age and my best friend thru 6 years of school (before I found out about the affair) will never have children for a number of reasons, and the youngest who never knew his father because his father died before he was three is the most adapted. Had he lived and was living now, he would know clearly that he is NOTHING to me - and to butt out of my life and the lives of my sibs.

KaylaAndy,

Very good posts! I totally agree that the most important father is the one that loves you, raises you, and works his [censored] off to provide for you. My FWH is that for my DS 20 his stepson. That is why we are complete NC with OW and OC in our sitch.

By the way, you addressed your first response to me when I think you meant for it to go to PushPull.

Fled

I have spent the last six months fixing this and I thought I would update everyone. He never stipped contacting her despite swearing to me (in front of the marriage counselor as well as to me) that there were "no more emails, no more texts, no more phone calls". Of course that was a flat out LIE.

So after warning him I did not have it in me any more
to put up with more lies, he did it again. Said there was no contact but got caught texting and calling her using yet another phone. I gave up. I am divorcing him. I am happeir than I have been in years. The last straw was in September. He of course wants "one more chance"! I gave him a year of "one more chances".

So, once a liar, always a liar.

And guess what? Now that he can spend as much time with her and her children he finds he doesn't really want to be with her! They have nothing in common other than sex. No hobbies, no interests... Different child rearing beliefs... Completely different cultures, religions- everything. It's sad really. He finally figured out that she wasn't the woman of his dreams.

He of course wants me back but he never learned until I finally said enough is enough....

You were all right.

I will check in and help out here. And I am happy and my kids are sooo much happier. My son started failing school, minor leagal and drug problems, all fo which are better since the cheater moved out.

And going forwar I am going to live my life and structure my relationships using MB. I will only be with someone who would treat me the right way. I have learned so much from all this. And my BS detector is so attuned now!

Only you know when it's time. I applaud you for your efforts and am thrilled that you are very happy!!! Sounds like your family has suffered enough that the Karma bus has come around for him. BEST WISHES to you and all your future endeavours. Keep us posted.

Amen! Get very well versed in MB philosophies so once you are healed (at least 2 years post D) you will choose wisely.

PushPull,

I was reading along on your thread all along. I had soooo much to tell you, but you would not have liked to hear it. Plus, the folks posting to you were giving you information I do/did not have and a perspective that was really relavent to you and your situation.

I am so glad to read your update. I am not glad it came to that, but frankly it was the only conclusion it could come to. Your H was lying all along. Your H doesn't even know if he is the sperm donor for OW's children. Your H had no problem meddling in another man's family. He had no conscience concerning what he what he did and was doing.


In my mind your only option all along was to leave. I am glad that it is positively affecting your family for the drama to be out of the house. I suspect he will find that he lost his "real" children and he was and will never be the father to OW's children that he thinks assuming he ever really wanted to be a father in the truest sense.

I am also glad that MB has positively helped you. Please go forward with your life with a renewed sense of adventure and love of life. I wish only the best for you and your family.

God Bless,

JL

Pushpull,

Thank you for the update. I am glad to hear the strength in your post. You will do well and your COM will be better for having honesty and truth and morals leading their lives. Continue to update us as you continue your path to healing!

Fled

Well, I haven't checked this one for a while but did check my other thread.

The WH continued to contact her throughout the 6 months we were supposed to be NC. Was caught several times and said he "fell of the wagon" or some such. Finally he did it the last time. THat was September and I divorced him. It was final early this month.

I learned he was unable to tell me the truth about even the most innocent thing, not even related to the A. He was so used to lying to me it was second nature. Our finances are a mess and I was stuck with a huge debt. But it is worth it to be free of him.

He has had free access to her and has found she is a manipulative drama queen who lies to him for no apparent reason and is trying to get information about me for some unknown reason even though I couldn't care less about her or my ex.

I am better off, my kids are happier. My home is quieter and more stable. He is sad and pathetic. He says he lost everything. Yes he did but it wasn't like I didn't try for a year.

Good for you, pushpull! You know why OW is looking for information on you? Because adulterers thrive on drama and without you as the 3rd person in the triangle they only have each others drama!

Pushpull,

I am sorry for what you lost (on dday). You now have the chance to move forward and rebuild your life. You have the abilities to succeed and stand on your own and watch your children thrive. They know that you have values and will provide them the stability they need. Thanks for letting us know, best wishes
and remember we are still here if you need to vent.

Fled

You guys were really helpful to me. This is so weird. Who would ever think they would find their husband with an apartment and 7 year old twins!!! Life just doesn't prepare most people for that.

He is showing his true colors. It is pathetic to watch, really. But I am happier and stronger. I just wanted to belive... I'll keep you posted..

Thanks again!!!