Getting your kids back in your home is imperative!

Custody is determined in the jurisdiction of where the child(ren) have lived for the past 6 months, according to what I've read about the Uniform Child Custody laws. Have your children been living in the other state for 6 months?

If it has not been 6 months, here is what I think you need to do:

1. Get a bulldog of an attorney, file for legal separation and temporary full custody. See if he can get you an emergency hearing on a Friday (the sooner, the better). I believe that you said you get the kids on Thursday, right? Do NOT tell your WW what you are planning to do.

2. Be sure that you get a cusody order that DAY!

3. When your wife comes to pick the kids up, have someone there to serve her. If you generally take the kids back to her, simply don't take them. Arrange for a process server to serve her, instead. Oh...and another thing...do NOT take the kids away from your home until she has been served.

3. Arrange for a few days off from work so you can make arrangements for the care of your children and to spend some time with them.

4. Last, but not least, ask your bulldog lawyer if you can legally do these things.

Our experience with this issue was when, while our two grandsons were visiting us on a Sunday afternoon, we learned of her affair from the OMW. The OMW said that they had "run off together". I immediately called our son, who was an OTR trucker and told him. He said, "Do not let her take my kids around that POS." I then called his attorney (a family friend) to get the ball rolling. In the meantime, the OMW let DiL know that she had told us. DiL called me later that evening and asked, "Are you going to let me have my kids?" I told her that our son knew and that our son said to keep the boys with us.

Our son was home by Tuesday. The lawyer already had the divorce petition drawn up, and our son signed it.

By Thursday, the judge had awarded our son temporary full custody.

I did not take the boys ANYWHERE until after the judge signed off on the custody. She would have had to get a court order to come onto our property to take the boys, but anywhere else, she could have simply walked up and taken them from me.

Our son gave us POA to care for the boys while he was on the road. We had the boys during the week, and he took care of them when he was home.

IMHO, your main priority should be taking care of your kids, because once she is gone for 6 months, she can file for sole custody of the kids in the other state.

In the meantime, you EXPOSE this affair to everybody whose opinion she values and blow it wide open. The fact that she and the OM are angry shows that they are afraid of people knowing their nasty little secret. Oh...and that stuff about your letter to her parents being "crazy"? Well, I think her parents gave her some grief over her affair.

Do NOT argue with her or apologize or anything like that. You can CHEERFULLY say something like, "I am fighting for our marriage. Oops! Gotta go! Have a nice day, honey!" Other than exposing the affair, do NOT lovebust her!

Your WW is no different than any other WW.

Snatch your pants back from her, put them on, and follow the MB plan! Expose, take care of your kids, and start your Plan A!

Lady Clueless,

After not posting on this site for a few months, I may heed your advice. My WW moved out of our house 5 months ago and took the kids with her. (I take care of the kids 2.5 days of the week, her 4.5 days). I came late to the horrifying possibility that the OM could raise my kids, though I doubt he wants to.

--

Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 32
2 young kids
Married 5 years
EA: Fall '08
Move out: Oct. '09
Plan A: 12/01/09
D-day: 01/22/10
Exposed to her boss, my IL's, the OMW, and two of her friends
Moving to Plan B

A new question: How do you know when your WS's interest in reconciliation is zero?

My WW refused to go to counseling, after having gone only once with me. She rejected my requests for family outings. When I asked about her A, she said she wanted a divorce; and when I exposed, she said she was going to divorce me. For the first months after she moved out, there were a couple of moments when she seemed open to reconciling, but those were it. The only thing my wife has NOT said is that she intends to file for D or has filed for D.

----------------------

Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 32
2 young kids
Married 5 years
EA: Fall '08
Move out: Oct. '09
Plan A: 12/01/09
D-day: 01/22/10
Exposed to her boss, my IL's, the OMW, and two of her friends
Moving to Plan B

Maybe she is just waiting for her 6 months residency requirement to be up. I believe that your children residing in their new location for 6 months establishes the new residence as the proper jurisdiction for custody.

Your dilly-dallying around has likely cost you any chance for custody of your children.

Lady Clueless,

I still have a chance for custody of the kids. There's four more weeks left until the 6-month mark.

Are you saying that the six months are effectively over?


----------------------

Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 32
2 young kids
Married 5 years
EA: Fall '08
Move out: Oct. '09
Plan A: 12/01/09
D-day: 01/22/10
Exposed to her boss, my IL's, the OMW, and two of her friends
Moving to Plan B

Lady Clueless,

I still have a chance for custody of the kids. There's four more weeks left until the 6-month mark.

Are you saying that the six months are effectively over?


----------------------

Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 32
2 young kids
Married 5 years
EA: Fall '08
Move out: Oct. '09
Plan A: 12/01/09
D-day: 01/22/10
Exposed to her boss, my IL's, the OMW, his friend, and two of her friends
Moving to Plan B

One other thing: My understanding is that Plan B should kick in AFTER exposure. Is this correct?

Well, you MIGHT be able to file for divorce and custody NOW, but you'd better check with an attorney on that. 4 weeks is pushing it much too late, IMHO. It won't look good to a judge that you didn't start legally trying to get your kids back as soon as they left the home.

Plan B should kick in when you can't Plan A anymore, and you're WAY BEHIND on exposing, too. She'll probably spin it that she didn't get together with the OM until AFTER she separated from you. You should still expose, though, and RIGHT NOW!

You've had some of the best advice on MB, but you've chosen to ignore it. People here aren't inclined to waste their time on someonw who doesn't take advice that is KNOWN to work.

Lady Clueless,

I appreciate your response to my post. But, look it, some of the ideas in your post are misguided:

-- Dr. Harley doesn't recommend filing for divorce as a way to reconcile with a WS. And I don't want my kids growing up in a single-parent home.

-- I exposed to seven different people earlier this year. Some of the few remaining people to expose to are their coworkers, and Dr. Harley rarely recommends workplace exposure.

-- I haven't ignored MB's advice. I've taken it!

-- My WW can't spin that she met her AP during the separation. In my letter to her parents, I gave them a timeline of her relationship with him.

---------------

Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 32
2 young kids
Married 5 years
EA: Fall '08
Move out: Oct. '09
Plan A: 12/01/09
D-day: 01/22/10
Exposed to her boss, my IL's, the OMW, and two of her friends
Moving to Plan B

I think LC is advising you to file as a means of getting custody of your children. You appear to be past the chance of reconciliation, having allowed this to drag on this long. Remind me - are they co-workers? Because I think there are very few reasons to NOT expose at the workplace if they are.