Ya know what Turtle.
and you to Pepper, and Optimism, and Larry(you seem wise), and Believer, and all who have posted.

We have takled and she told me she loves me and that is enough for me. We talked about the separations and being apart the entire fall, and we had, but do you know what she told me is that she has never done anything like this before. I was avoiding her phone calls the last few days, and then I decided that I neeeded her more than she needed me, and she said to me she needed me that she felt I needed her.

She told me what she dreamed the other night that she was pregnant with another of our daughers. We kidded that thon main reason that she wants another daughter is to try to reach her to dance. Our older daughter did not subscribe to that.

Before I talked to her I was posting on that I was so afraid of being in second place with her and then on call she told me you are first. SHe is willing to meet with my son, who lives in the area, and I and the counslor on Monday and declare and to say that she made a Bad mistake and she misses me and has and misses our kids. The guy is OUt of here without me havinbg to even try to get aggressive or try to kick butt. We are now talking about our concerns and feelings for our kids. I have to absorb this and is more than I deserve, and now my son is picking me up to go to the store. Our daughter is going to pariticpate in a conference call.

Anyway, love to you ..Tom

Such good news!!! Getting the OM out of the picture was a very important step. Many people go months and months without accomplishing that.

Hi People,
Now that I look back, I apologize Turtle for making a separate post to you, but please understand that I was excited and now happy after talking with my wife this afternoon that yea I just wanted to post to you and the 'sweeti' comment.

Okay, I will try to keep this as simple as I can because I know I have gone off on tangent in my posts.

It was only on the phone, but my wife and I expressed our love to each other this afternoon. I did meet with her on Thursday and she told me she loved me and she told me she missed me, and she told me that her past relationship with the guy was in her words regretfull. She hugged me in front of her counselor and she told me she loves me. She also told me that she is honest, which she is, and that she is hruting that she hurt me. That was honestly it for Thurs. and I left without saying much, and yesterday I didn't answer her calls because I just needed to think. That is my pride, or perhaps false pride becuase she did hurt me and I wanted to go hide and deny her access to me. Last night I talked to both my son and daughter and told them I still felt hurt and they I could tell were still upset.

Today I am so happy because by some miracle, and that Is what it is, I answered her call she was crying and we talked for an hour. She told me that she is being honest, and I believe her because she is among other beautiful things, the most honest woman I have ever known. I actually asked her to remarry me..meaning to renew our vows and she said yes. She told me that she felt she would never see me again and that she had not felt I cared for her. I simply said I love you C and she just asked me to come see her tonight. I am going to have to call her on a long call, because it is getting later now and I cant' or better should not drive at night

Well without going into detail I am going to see her tomorrow and then bring her for most of day on Monday. I had to laugh because when I asked her to renew vows I told her that the pastor who baptised our son and daughter (she is methodist, I am catholic, but we married in the catholic church) is still in the area. She objected, said why not in my church and I 100% agreed and told her I would take her on the best second honeymoon she could ever have by going to chicago for a weekend
seeing plays and going to dinner and of cousrs I told her that I want to make love to her in a room in same hotel that we stayed in when we came here back in 1960s when we were dating.

Right now I can only say a few things. I have my Sweeti back!

If this affair would have happened earlier in our lives, I am not sure I would have reacted any better, and probably would have reacted much worse than many of you who are much younger and without the marital history that my wife and I have.

I have not heard back from except a few of you and I can understand, my situation is much different than probably most on here. But just from me, my way of dealing with a crisis is to thing and vent, and if that is what you allowed me to do here then I just offer thanks. I may not agree with all of the Marriage Builders principles, but from what I have seen, if Dr. Harley did found this site, then he has gone a long way in providing people with a resourse for assessing themselves in terms of their marriage calling, and also to recover their Love.

I don't feel I need to post anymore here, it is of course up to C and me but I feel much more confident and 'married' now.

Last thing is just to offer something that I heard a few years ago, and yes from a catholic priest on a radio program...his name is Caropi, and he went to the priesthood after bring in the hollywood scene several years and also fighting drug addiction. He was talking about the Real battle on earth between good and evil, and how each person will face an end to his/her personal battle at the time of death. I know, not a pleasant thought, but nonetheless. His view was it is either going to be Satan saying "I won you and I now have you for eternity", or it is going to be God with his/her all consuming love saying "I want You". For me it is going to be at the moment of My death wanting Christ and my wife standing side by side and holding out their arms and each saying to me...Tom, I want you."

That is so worth the fight!

God Bless you all, and good fortune.

Hi Believer, and thank you.

It wasn't all my doing. I had the help of my wife being a very honest person, and her counselor.

Tom

Tom,
I hope all works out as you expect. It's up to us all to make the most of the one life we're given, and you seem to know what steps you want to take for yourself.

Tom:

It would appear that it is your destiny to take care of her so long as you are both on this earth. And I suspect you welcome that task and the joy it brings you and comfort it brings to her.

As JL often says, all blessings.

Larry

Hi You Guys,

One more thing, yes I have read here where being a "romantic" may be a drawback.

Well, I am of that breed. I like Sinatra, I sometimes get involved in the romantic movies that my wife has dragged me to, I sometimes even get misty eyed, but never would show that to her, I like to just look at her in her eyes, and I love walking her somewhere in a snowfall. That sort of stuff.

I have a logical business mind as well or I would not have been employed this long, but the romantic side takes over most of the time. Yea, when I forget someting from the grocery store and she gets angry I cower and I go back and get what I forgot, and then come back and try to apologize and hold her tight. It's been like this all my life. It's the way I am wired, and I don't want to rewire.

Ya know what, along this line I just called Char and had someone wake her up. The attendant was glad to do that because she doesn't sleep well anyway and I know that from our history. She just told me I was almost sleeping why did you wake me up, I just told her I love you, and she just simply asked when can I see you again. I just told her very soon, and go back to sleep. It's beautiful! She and I have had this give and take all our lives.

I don't think that I am in bad compamy tho being a romantic. I believe there is John Wayne, Elvis, Gere, Dustine Hoffman, Cher, Clint (yea he is a romantic), Ben Stiller, Jenifer Aniston, and others.

My wife has actually told me something like "silly romantic" but then she hugs me and that is all that is important.

In terms of possibly losing the one you love the romantics suffer more. But, in terms of life, romantics simply have more to remember and cherish

Tom

Hi Larry,
I never had the opportunity of reading your story, but I have seen your level-headed posts to a few others whose stories I have read.

Just simply want to say to you my best wishes for you, and that you continue to use this site to offer your wisdom.

Thanks,

Tom

You seem confident and grounded, and I�m glad for that.

I honestly think her affair was a complete aberration and that she truly felt she�d been abandoned.

If you find the time or desire, do visit and post to others here. You have good wisdom and experience. But, live your life first and only come back here in your spare time.

Nice, Tom.

Spectacular news.

I, too, love to dance. I never had the opportunity to pursue that love, but it�s in my soul. I tried to get my daughter to take dance, but no. Martial arts. Go figure!