One of the older tricks in the wayward book.

It's a common fallacy that all WS's believe their BS is an idiot.

All Blessings,
Jerry

And the actions of the H makes me believe it even less.

[quote=shinethrough]It's a common fallacy that all WS's believe their BS is an idiot.

All Blessings,
Jerry [/quote


problem here - I was the idiot 5 years ago - in 2004 - one year after we got married(Infidelity again never proven(hey this is a common pattern in my story).

Boy, that husband sure controlled the situation, didn't he? Gets some extra tail, and when wife finds out and he throws out the OLDEST excuse in the book (I was just carrying it for HIM), and she balks, he then throws out the oldest THREAT in the world (Fine! I'll just leave you then!) and gets her to cave and even apologize and beg him to stay.

Looks like he's a master. Probably OW #7 or #10 or...

Look. If it WASN'T his escapade he was covering, he wouldn't have blown up and threatened to leave. He had to do damage control and he knew his wife was weak enough to cave.

Now he can cheat with impunity. Next thing you know, he'll be bringing the women home and making his wife believe he's just 'helping her out by giving her a place to stay for awhile.' And wife will swallow that, too. Because he's primed her to.

Congrats on the job! I hope you love it.

Thanks Catperson, I hope so too

In regards to that situation in 2004 - I never talked to anyone about it - never verified it when he threatened to leave - I just couldn't believe it to be true - we were only married a year - the mate has moved to the UK since - haven't seen him in years - funny actually he was due to get married in June last year - just after we split - that would have been my chance to ask him.
I went throug a huge box of WH's paperwork last week - all bank statements are there(it used to be his account, now it's ours joint - just all statements from 2004 are missing - so I went to the bank and re-ordered them.

If this turns out to be true and he had an affair in 2004 I am married to a Serial Cheater.

AND a master manipulator.

Protect yourself.

Yeah the guy is full of it BS4U.

Happy for your job tho Grats!

Just wanted to check in - had a busy week - I am so looking forward to the weekend - it took me 2-3 days to get back into things at work but now I enjoy it very much - I had gotten used to being at home so quickly
WH called the kids yesterday - MIL got the all clear after the operation which is great news.

Funnily enough I had such a great week, the best one in a long time - did not think a lot about him and when he called the kids and told them I cried for the first time in days - I guess because he didn't tell me personally and it took him a week to tell the kids - MIL had called him last weekend.

It still hurts...

I have made friends with a mother at school who now minds my youngest in the afternoons and we got talking quiet a bit � I have told her a few things which happened over the course of my marriage and which explanantions I got for certain things of WH �I got a few raised eyebrows to put it mildly.

WH told me over and over again that I didn�t trust him � I am starting to think I trusted him too much

I hope you are getting support from some good ppl BS4U. You deserve better than you are getting from WH

yes sortingitout, I do - thank god.My friends have been very good to me

I texted WH 2 days ago and told him that I would take over paying the mortgage from march on - my main goal is to stop communication with him full stop.
I have set up a standing order from our joint to my own account to pay a set amount each week for living expenses(agreed with WH)
So the mortgage was the last thing I needed to contact him about - as he wanted to decide when I can take it out of "his" account how he calls it now (it's our joint account). He texted back that he didn't think that was a good idea for me to take over the mortgage but that it was up to me - if he thinks I am going to ask him for permission to pay the mortgage every 4 weeks for all eternity he has another thing coming

I am also getting all the things fixed in the house he has left behind either not sorted at all or half finshed.

He had told the kids at X-Mas he would be back middle of January but it's now close to February and he hasn't even talked with them about his next visit.
I also believe he has met a new OW recently - I know I should detach completely but some things I am still checking out now and then but not as much as I used to.

All in all I feel much better

AWesome. Stay in touch but make sure you are living life the best you can and this place might keep you triggered.

God bless

Hi, I don't think I keep being triggered by this forum - more by looking at WH's spending - seems to be a pattern of his - once a new OW is in sight he starts taking large amounts of money on the weekend (as much as he is allowed daily abroad) - and this is now happening 2 weekends in a row again and it's not the first time I might add - I just never paid attention in the past.

I also found something else while going through our paperwork a few weeks back - he had transferred hundreds of euros to an account of his I thought he didn't use anymore - and what was the first day of withdrawl I spotted - Valentinesday - 6 months before we got married - I know it doesn't have to mean anything -having said that there was no reason to transfer money out of his usual account into this one. We were counting every penny at the time because of the wedding and I don't think these hundreds of euros went towards it.

Hi everyone,

just wanted to check in really ah the MB old addiction

Life is pretty good - work offered me to go back full-time last week so from Monday on I am working 8 hours a day again which is great.I really like the job - lots of nice people - even the hungarian girl right in front of me triggers me rarely ( I can't say never - thank god she is blonde .
I went out last Saturday night for the first time in a long time and even though there were a lot of tears (mixed with alcohol) I survived and enjoy myself for a good bit of the night - I even managed to visit the pub WH met in 9 years ago and I was fine until I had too much to drink.
That's it really - I am not always feeling good but getting better finally

One thing WH told me last year - true or not I don't know (the old story ) - he is saying that one of my girlfriends made a pass on him before we got married - he is not revealing her name but he says he declined at the time - he never told me though until last year - now there are only a handful of women I hung out with at the time and one of them contacted me now on FB - I ignored it as I just don't know anymore who I can trust or not - now other mutual friends are starting to ask questions if something happened between us a and why we are not in each other's contact list.I don't even know if the story is true - I just can't handle the potential drama.

WH wants to take the kids on holidays in July and I have the strong feeling there will be an introduction to a female friend happening of some sort - his attention span with our kids doesn't go further then one afternoon these days and I really can't imagine him being with them alone for a full week without some "assistance".

I am thinking about seeing a lawyer beforehand to discuss this issue - is it possible to stop any interaction with another female or at least that he has to tell me in advance so I can speak to the kids.

The last thing I want is the kids to be confused or hiding it from me - they have been through enough and the 3 of us are just starting to get better.

Any suggestions or experience with this sort of situation?
We are not legally separated yet by the way - I think I am the only one who has seen a lawyer at this stage.

You received a number of posts on this subject. There all covered manipulation very well including Mr.W excellent post.

A couple of points:

What he did qualifies under the guidelines of the duluth wheel of abuse. Web search for it and read several of the articles, please.

Secondly, he was using a form of gas lighting, a popular phrase around here. Again, a web search will locate several articles that apply.

All the best.

Larry

Throughout your posts, I see a strong indication that your husband is gas lighting you to the maximum he can. Manipulation. ..

And there is a reason for that. Marriage is for love, divorce is for money. I scanned through UK divorce laws (again) and it is obvious that there are a lot of things there working in your favor and not his. For example, pensions. He is going to game the system as much as he can in his favor as he seems to be heading in that direction.

Your kids are well aware that there are things going on between you and their father. While I am as uncomfortable as you that they would meet your husband's lover, unless your Solicitor tells you otherwise, I don't see much you can do about it.

On the other hand, journal all events and do find out if he is that brazen. Adultery is grounds for divorce in the UK and actually, his adultery makes things more simple since you live in a fault country, so fault has to be part of the equation.

Larry

Just like to point out that she is not in the UK. She is in Ireland. As I understand it, she will have to wait 4 years after separation before a divorce will be granted.

I'm not sure how Ireland treats "fault". bs4y, do you know much about adultery and divorce in Ireland?