Anne- STAY CALM, COOL AND COLLECTED.

This is really hard and it may get even harder for you so you definitely have to take care of yourself.

I don't like the feeling of that email. I guess you know which friends you are going to ask him to stay away from if you have a chance to R your M.

I can't even imagine going through this all while you are pregnant. Take care of yourself and listen to what the people are telling you on here. You will be FINE.

@maritalbliss - I know, I considered that possiblity too and wish it were true. However, he is acting soooo strange. I'm sure if I confront him, that would be his story. I need proof one way or another since I've lost trust in him. There are just too many red flags. As for proof, these emails are it. Everything else is just clues and red flags. But I feel the emails, especially the one where the friend asks WH if he's goign to [censored] this girl again says it all.

@Scotland - yes that email (along with the others in my post) tells me what I need to know. But, I need solid proof he will just say it's a joke or he was trying to see if I check his email. As for him staying away from those friends, I sadly think that will never happen.

No luck getting a voice activated recorder. Best Buy and Radio Shack had voice recorders but they were not voice activated. Any suggestions?

Me BW 40
Him WH 39
Married 10 years, together 19
Sons 5,9
I am 7 weeks pregnant
DDay March 20, 2010
Trying to get enough evidence to confront him so we can deal with it and move on (one way or another)

Google VAR and see what you get. (delete your browsing history when done).

You need to have some solid proof because when you do confront, chances are he'll deny everything and you have to stand firm in your convictions without divulging your sources. If it's vague stuff you have and you are not feeling sure, it's possible for him to derail you. Thinking about it like a chess game...you've got to plan about 3-4 moves out...might help you stay calm and focused.

Also, rethink the keylogger. I know it's a work computer but I doubt he or his employer will drag you into court. Once you get your evidence and print/copy it, you can delete the keylogger. You never have to tell him how you know what you know. Just that *YOU KNOW*.

@OurHouse - I am sure he's cheating. But I do understand that they will deny, deny, deny unless you have solid proof. What I have will be explained away and then he will throw it back on me for snooping and not trusting him. Classic guilty behavior. Plus, me being pregnant works against me because I'm emotional and sensitive right now. He will use that in his favor too. I will check out the VARs and see what I find. I want to buy one at a store if I can but no luck so far.

As for the keylogger on his work computer, I am thinking about it. I am trying to keep in mind how important his job is to me and my kids no matter what happens. I really don't want to cause problems for him at work. As tempting as it is...


Me BW 40
Him WH 39
Married 10 years, together 19
Sons 5,9
I am 7 weeks pregnant
DDay March 20, 2010
Trying to get enough evidence to confront him so we can deal with it and move on (one way or another)

Anne- He already caused problems at his work by doing this with a potential client. I think a keylogger may give you some SOLID proof. As far as the VA, I bought mine at Radio Shack. I just walked in and said, "Can I have a VAR please?" It was on sale so I got lucky.

My WH denied up until the moment when I said, "You know I installed a keylogger, you found it after 2 hours. Think about what you wrote to her." Then he just said, "Yes" but that was all he would say.

As far as his friends, what I meant was that IF you have a chance at recovery, these friends will HAVE to go. It will be a condition of yours. You'll see what I mean in time.

Anne, if he is cheating with someone at work, exposure could very well mess with his employment. But you will HAVE to expose at the workplace. Just something to think about.

Then skip Best Buy and Radio Shack! I got mine at WalMart. Try there. Try any store that has an electronics department.

Put it under the dash - there should be an opening that is near the steering column. There may also be an area on the passenger side just below the glove compartment. Under the seat may work, depending on where the seat adjustment device is placed. Use velcro - liberal amounts, you don't want it shake loose and drop on the floor.

Try it out on your own car first, to determine best placement. Place it, then drive around and talk to determine where you'll get the best audio.

Honey, you'd better consider his losing those friends as one of your requirements for R, or you'll find yourself here again.

@OurHouse - OW is a potential client so they don't work together. Thank God for that since he doesn't get to see her much.

@maritalbliss - thanks for the tips on the VAR. I'm working on it!

Believe me, losing those friends is key if we want to stay together. I just don't think he will give up his friends. I guess what I'm saying is I don't have much hope.


Me BW 40
Him WH 39
Married 10 years, together 19
Sons 5,9
I am 7 weeks pregnant
DDay March 20, 2010
Trying to get enough evidence to confront him so we can deal with it and move on (one way or another)

So, listen to what you're saying. Your WH would rather lose you and your children (including the one he was thrilled to hear was on the way back at Christmas-time) so he can hang with his friends? They sound like a bunch of damned frat boys!

First, I suspect he will lose the friends when he's out of his fog and realizes what he has done. Second, do you really want a life like that? With these guys around, constantly chipping away at any boundaries your H has? Think about that. Decide later.

I don't even know what I'm saying or doing anymore. It was just a few weeks ago on March 3 that I told WH I was pregnant and he was thrilled. 10 days later and my entire world has been turned upside down.

Right now I'm biding my time because I can't check his email until I know he's not in it. It's his work email so it will be awhile before I can access it today. I've been researching VARs but I'm so confused and overwhelmed by everything that I can't think straight.

What keylogger software does everyone recommend?


Me BW 40
Him WH 39
Married 10 years, together 19
Sons 5,9
I am 7 weeks pregnant
DDay March 20, 2010
Trying to get enough evidence to confront him so we can deal with it and move on (one way or another)

Does he use a blackberry? Or an Iphone?

Google Flexispy. Its great for those types of phones.
Then if he is accessing his work emails from his phone, you would be able to capture a lot.

So sorry for what you are going through Anne.
Talk to your OB on your next appointment and ask for their recommendation on dealing with the added stress.


When you are ready to confront him -- do not feel like you have to justify or reveal your sources. Just look at him and say "I know."

This should help.



Keylogger Reviews

He uses a regular cell and either doesn't text much or erases them a lot. I can access his work emails but I have to wait until he's not at work. I don't know what would happen if I tried to read the emails while he was logged on at work. Seems like that could cause a problem.

Thanks for the kind words, Lexxxy. It really means so much. I was thinking of speaking to my OB but I'm just so ashamed and embarassed. I have an ultrasound on Thursdy. Was supposed to be a happy day for me and now I can't even think about it. The week of my first OB appointment, he was busy making plans for his Friday night outing (March 19) with OW and his horrible friends.

I don't want to reveal my sources but I do want to have more proof so he can't lie his way out of it.

Thanks chrisner!

Your M is a priority AND also is the little one growing inside of you.
Dont let the A take away from what you need in order to keep youself healthy and in turn the baby healthy.
If you think it will make you FEEL better to talk to the OB about your "mental crisis" then dont be afraid of doing so. Doctors can help you better deal with your PHYSICAL symptoms when they know you mental state.
If you are embarrsed to reveal details, then perhaps you can let him/her know that you are having M issues and the home evrironment is pretty stressed at th emoment, meawhile you want to make sure that you have the tools you need in order to insulate your body & baby from the mental stress.
Post D day I fell physically sick, could not eat could not breathe and barely could function and take care of the 3 semi-independent kids. I cant even begin to imagine keeping my body in a state healty enough for a pregnancy.
Thank god women are strong enough mentally and physically to deal with childbirth. I have no doubt that you can dig deep in and pull out the strenght you need to survive this.
Dont be afraid to take help from where ever you can get it. If talking to the OB will help then do it.

I talked to my OB about H's A. He (OB) was wonderful - very understanding.

@maritalbliss & wannamoveforward - Thanks for the advice. I am starting to worry about the effect all this stress will have on my baby, not to mention my two sons. Due to my age, I will have a CVS test to make sure the baby is all right. I was so worried about the test and now I don't even think about it. Instead, this is all I think about.

We're planning a trip to my mom's for Easter and I just don't know how I'm going to get through that. I was planning to tell her about the baby then but now I just don't know. What do I say? "Hey Mom, I have good knews and bad news. Good news is I'm pregnant. Bad news is my husband is cheating on me."

Thanks so much for all your helpful advice and for listening. I don't know what I would do if I had to get through this alone.


Me BW 40
Him WH 39
Married 10 years, together 19
Sons 5,9
I am 7 weeks pregnant
DDay March 20, 2010
Trying to get enough evidence to confront him so we can deal with it and move on (one way or another)

You can do this, just pay close attention to your body's needs. You are going to have to pull it together even if it for short bursts in order to be able to function enough for all 4 of you.
As far as telling mom I think I can turn into a positive form of support. Who better but another mom especially your own can understand what your body needs to be able to get thru in order to have a healthy smiling baby.