I have the gut feeling and some minor evidence of WH's affair but it is not enough. What I have could be explained away as a prank by his moron friends. I need more proof but it's just so hard not to confront him. Where do you find the patience for the waiting game?

How much snooping have you done? have you checked cell phone records? Installed a keylogger?

Admittedly, I don't have it....and I am a very patient person.

However, since your husband does not know that you suspect anything, then you do have the upper hand. Having an affair is very difficult. Lies upon lies, hiding things, covering up things, etc. If you can be patient, then he WILL slip up and you will find out. If you confront too fast, then he'll go underground and it will be more difficult.

There are a lot of posts here that deal with snooping. Check the cell phone records, get a keylogger, get a GPS, and a voice recorder (thats how I finally found out) because she was talking to her friend about her affair (some friend huh).

Don't confront until you have some proof, they will just lie.

This all started Saturday so I've made my way through all the emails. Cell phone records don't help since OW is a potential client of his and he took her out Friday night (said it was business but I found out otherwise). No keylogger yet but I do oplan to get an AVR this week and place in his car. Any advice on where to put it or how those work? I am clueless!

How would a GPS help? This is all so new to me. I know his friends met her and they are helping to cover up too. The best man from our wedding (although he is a huge cheater so I shouldn't be surprised). This is horrible

get some velcro and you can put it under the seat or steering wheel or inside dash

Anne- I know it is frustrating, but could you please stick to one thread and maybe add a signature line. There are a few newly BS on here today and we might get confused and you will not get the help you need if we keep asking the same questions. You can click notify on the bottom of your post and ask the mods to combine your threads. Thanx


As far as how you find the patience, well it is hard. I was very bad with AO's and I would not be able to contain what I had found. It was bad because it would make my WH go further underground and make it harder for me to find things.

Anne,

It may help a little to just use one thread on here. I just read your other thread and I'm a little more caught up.

First of all, I"m so sorry you are here- but, you are in the right place and you are not alone. You will get some great advice from many who have been through this. You have already gotten some good advice:

Keep snooping
Don't confront just yet.

I got a VAR at best buy for around $60. Make sure you get a digital one that is voice activated so the batteries last longer. If you suspect WH is talking to skank in the house, place it in that room. If you think WH talks to skank OW in the car, place one there too. There is a separate thread on SPying 101 that has some good advice.

Keep copies of the emails you are reading as you may need them down the road.

As far as patience- can't help you there. I snooped for quite a while and I still am! It does help to know that you are no longer simply a victim in this. You are now taking action.

Best of luck.

get a digital voice recorder and use the VOR (voice activated feature) and plenty of batteries. Be prepared for what you may hear. My experience was very painful.

If he has an iphone or blackberry there is a download called flexispy. I havent been able to use it but it looks promising.

A GPS in his car will track where he's been going. If he winds up at her house or somewhere else he shouldn't be, you'll know. A PI or a friend that he doesnt know can also help.

What surprised me most about my wife's affair was how she turned from a sweet, innocent girl next door into a master manipulator and BIG TIME LIAR, even swore on my kids' lives. Don't underestimate what you may be dealing with.

Good luck.

Thanks for all the advice. I apologize for not using better manners no the forum. This is all so new and I'm in a state of panic. It's so hard to deal with the constant anxiety. Again, thanks for all your help.


Me BW 40
Him WH 39
Married 10 years, together 19
Sons 5,9
I am 7 weeks pregnant
DDay March 20, 2010
Trying to get enough evidence to confront him so we can deal with it and move on (one way or another)

Here is an email update. I guess a friend of WH played a prank on him him and he is mad. He told their mutal friend that he would get back at him. Here his the mutal friend's reply:

"I just talked to him. DO YOURSELF A FAVOR because he is not in the mood i guess he has lost a lot of money in the stockmarket. Do you know that he took a picture of you and your girl on Friday with his iphone. He says he is going to make a profile page on facebook and use the picture and state all these reasons that he likes this girl and wants to leave his wife. I AM TELLING YOU LEAVE IT ALONE"

Any thoughts on this latest development? WH hasn't replied yet and might not since he might just use the phone.


Me BW 40
Him WH 39
Married 10 years, together 19
Sons 5,9
I am 7 weeks pregnant
DDay March 20, 2010
Trying to get enough evidence to confront him so we can deal with it and move on (one way or another)

Has your husband cheated before? Just wondering because he sure has some sleazy friends.

Well, I'll throw in a comment here about how he's a low-life dog for doing this to you while you're pregnant, but he's a low-life dog for doing it to you at all. So I'll leave that there, and tell you to take care of yourself. Eat healthy food. Rest. Light exercise. Walking is good for the baby and a good stress reliever. Try to do good things for yourself. Don't neglect yourself right now. I know that's easier said than done. Take care of that baby.

@ believer - If you had asked me that question a week ago, the answer would have been no. Now, I can only guess that this is not the first time. His best friend has been cheating on his wife for three years. I've known about it all along because WH used to tell me all about it. Lately, he's stopped talking about it and telling me nothing is going on right now.

WH's father cheated on his mother when he was young and destroyed their marriage. Both friends in the post above are cheaters. I guess I should have seen this coming. I feel so stupid.

Me BW 40
Him WH 39
Married 10 years, together 19
Sons 5,9
I am 7 weeks pregnant
DDay March 20, 2010
Trying to get enough evidence to confront him so we can deal with it and move on (one way or another)

@ marital bliss - Thank you so much for the kind words. It brougth me to tears to know that someone cares about what I'm going through.

Can you believe he told me in December that he wanted another baby and we tried for three months to have another kid? He was overjoyed when I told him and sent me roses. I am simply in shock.

Anne, it's possible that your H did not cheat on you prior to this since he was talking to you about his friends. His going quiet about them is a red flag to me.

You've gotten some great advice here. I would also add:

1. Ramp up the snooping, however/whichever way you can. The sooner you have evidence to confront, the sooner you can begin taking the next steps to bust up the affair and hopefully save your marriage. The longer the A goes on, the harder this will be.

2. There are some things you can begin doing RIGHT NOW, even before you have enough proof.

---read up on everything here. Basic concepts; Plan A, Plan B, etc.
--- figure out what you think his ENs are and start executing a Plan A to meet them.
---The reason you got here most likely was that the two of you stopped meeting each other's top ENs. You created an atmosphere where someone else could come in and meet them. You share that fault with your husband 50%. But remember...


THE AFFAIR IS IN NO WAY YOUR FAULT. Whatever was wrong or missing in your marriage to date, can be addressed and fixed. His choosing to have an affair to "fix" it, it completely his fault and his alone. He owns 100% of the blame for the affair.

@OurHouse - Thank you for the advice. I really just want to know what I'm dealing with and it kills me that he would probably lie to me if I talked to him about it now.

This may sound like a stupid question but how do you know when you have enough proof? I won't be able to get photos so when do I go to him with what I have? Advice?

Me BW 40
Him WH 39
Married 10 years, together 19
Sons 5,9
I am 7 weeks pregnant
DDay March 20, 2010
Trying to get enough evidence to confront him so we can deal with it and move on (one way or another)

This sounds manufactured, to me. Is it possible that your H knows you've got access to his emails? Maybe I'm just overly suspicious...

Let us know what you've got and we'll tell you when you're ready. Don't go off too soon and blow your cover.

There are a lot of and I know it's difficult to remain quiet. But you've got to do this right now.