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Go to the library...they have computer access. Open another account..yahoo,gmail...etc. and email them from there. You don't even have to identify yourself until you know what their reaction is.
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Go to the library...they have computer access. Open another account..yahoo,gmail...etc. and email them from there. You don't even have to identify yourself until you know what their reaction is. One problem with that...I live in a different town than the friend's wife so the IP address being traced back to my town's library could be a problem, don't you think? I'm just trying to find a way for this to work without blowing up in my face.
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None of us are friends. It wouldn't be at all normal for me to conact any of them. How could I do it without him knowing and without getting caught? Anonymous email? Can my IP address be tracked? If you don't want them to be able to identify you, send a letter via registered mail that they will have to use their ID to retrieve at the post office.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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One problem with that...I live in a different town than the friend's wife I LOVE the library idea, If you are concerend about town how far does the friend live ?can you visit that library and send from there.
FBW(me)- 45
FWH- 53
D-day 4/29/08
Moving forward pursuing happiness & a loving Marriage with DH.
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One problem with that...I live in a different town than the friend's wife so the IP address being traced back to my town's library could be a problem, don't you think? I'm just trying to find a way for this to work without blowing up in my face. Go to the nearest big city's library and do it.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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@ManInMotion - I've been thinking about that. How do I do it without getting caught? Simple. 1. Create a new GMail or Hotmail e-mail account for the purpose 2. Use the account only from a public connection (WiFI) that can't be traced back to you.
ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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You can also configure your PC to use an anonymous proxy to hide your IP address. Google "anonymous proxy" for more details.
When you configure your PC to use one, send a message to yourself, then check the message headers, to confirm that connection's IP address is not listed in the headers.
ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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You can also configure your PC to use an anonymous proxy to hide your IP address. Google "anonymous proxy" for more details.
When you configure your PC to use one, send a message to yourself, then check the message headers, to confirm that connection's IP address is not listed in the headers. Even better...if you know someone who can 'spoof' your husband's work IP....you can copy/paste the emails and send them along!
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Anne --
I suggest holding off on exposing his scummy friends for now.
For one reason: Once one of them gets busted, the rest are going to be wayyyy more cautious. You need to get your spying done, and the proof you need before he senses any danger!
Concentrate on catching your wandering husband.
Work on eliminate any love busters.
Work on meeting his top emotional needs.
Work YOUR plan.
I commend you for exposing what you know to the other betrayed wives -- but I would hold off on that for now. Work on your situataion first. Then after you have confronted your husband and worked out your plan for reconciliation -- then you can inform the other betrayed wives OPENLY and guide them here for assistance.
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Anne --
I suggest holding off on exposing his scummy friends for now.
For one reason: Once one of them gets busted, the rest are going to be wayyyy more cautious. You need to get your spying done, and the proof you need before he senses any danger!
Concentrate on catching your wandering husband.
Work on eliminate any love busters.
Work on meeting his top emotional needs.
Work YOUR plan.
I commend you for exposing what you know to the other betrayed wives -- but I would hold off on that for now. Work on your situataion first. Then after you have confronted your husband and worked out your plan for reconciliation -- then you can inform the other betrayed wives OPENLY and guide them here for assistance. I agree 100% with Lexxxy. Get your solid proof and work on Plan A.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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@chrisner and Lexxxy - you are right. I'm going to hold off and see if I can get solid proof. I think things might die down a bit on the emails until the next time he has plans to see her. I'm going to be patient, see a therapist and snoop.
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Anne --
I suggest holding off on exposing his scummy friends for now.
For one reason: Once one of them gets busted, the rest are going to be wayyyy more cautious. You need to get your spying done, and the proof you need before he senses any danger!
Concentrate on catching your wandering husband.
Work on eliminate any love busters.
Work on meeting his top emotional needs.
Work YOUR plan.
I commend you for exposing what you know to the other betrayed wives -- but I would hold off on that for now. Work on your situataion first. Then after you have confronted your husband and worked out your plan for reconciliation -- then you can inform the other betrayed wives OPENLY and guide them here for assistance. Agree. They should be part of nuclear exposure.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I agree too. But that shouldn't stop you from developing a strategy of how you are going to expose to them!
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A pregnant gal only has so much energy!
I suggest you focus on 3 things: self-care (pamper yourself!)
and develop your Plan A while also preparing for exposure.
But you can start on 1 and 2 today -- while you wait for evidence.
Do something nice for yourself. (Pedicure. Personal favorite)
Then figure out what made your marriage vulnerable to an affair.
What does OW do for him that is pulling him away from his family?
Often times its an ego stroking.
But I will also say that it seems like men OFTEN cheat when wives are pregnant. So maybe that is at play here too.
Maybe the pregnancy messes with his mind in regard to sexual attraction to you. ?? Just throwing that out there.
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How do you develop a strategy to expose the A? It's one thing to confront the WH but how do you expose it? What is the typical reaction from WS once A is exposed? Sounds like something that would make them really mad. Can someone brief me or direct me to this info. I know that much of it is on here but this is all so overwhelming and I'm having trouble keeping it all in focus.
Lexxxy - thanks so much. I know men often cheat on pregnant wives and now I'm wondering if anything like this happened during my first two pregnancies. But, from what I can tell, he has been with this woman before my pregnancy so I'm not sure that's it. He doesn't see her a lot. It looks like he last saw her November 5th (about a month before he told me he wanted another baby) and then not again until March 19th. One of the key phrases to him by his friend in an email was "come one you know you are going to try to [censored] her again". Now I am dying to know when exactly it started (I know when they met but when they first sleep together?) and how many times it's been. Really, from what I can tell, he doesn't see her much. I am concerned that could change. She lives very closeby.
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Sounds like something that would make them really mad. hehehe -- an understatement. They go ballistic. But come on, really? Who should appropriately be "angry" in this situation? The person who was lied to and cheated on -- or the one who got caught? But they throw an absolute tantrum when exposed. And they follow a VERY predictable script. "how can I ever trust you now that you told everyone?" "I was just about to end it." "this is nobody's business but ours." blah blah blah. We'll fill you in on more so you know what to expect when you are ready. As far as the confrontation goes -- it can go just about any which way. He might be humbled and shamed. He might try to deny. He might try to flip the discussion to you and your snooping (very common...blame YOU for snooping and throw a big fit, rather than admitting what he did.) For exposure -- its best to do it all at once. Since he is going to throw a monumental hissy fit -- its better to get it all over with at once. Why piss him off over and over again? Plus he will try to stop you if you do it in little pieces. He will bargain, threaten, plead, cry, (etc. etc.) to prevent you from telling anyone. So just do it without forewarning.
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Anne,
What other changes have you noticed in you husband over the past few months?
Losing weight?
Working out more?
Guarding phone and briefcase?
Withdrawal from you in affection/emotion?
Upgrade in dressing?
New interests?
More nights out without you?
Based on what I've read of the emails he really does not seem that over interested in Butter Face. It's more like a sick big boy game with his friends.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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How do you develop a strategy to expose the A? It's one thing to confront the WH but how do you expose it? What is the typical reaction from WS once A is exposed?
This link might answer some of your questions.
Best wishes.
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Exposing adultery where it matters most. Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.
Exposure is your most effective tool to end the affair !
It is important to SNOOP ~before~ exposure.
There are ways to snoop in order to gather evidence. If you have questions about snooping tactics ... go to the general Questions infidelity forum and begin a thread titled something like: ~~~> I need to snoop. Teach me everything you know!
OK ... once you've snooped and you know there is an affair ... and your spouse refuses to end the affair relationship ... you will hear:
"It's only a friendship."
"You are too controling."
"I love you but I am not in love with you."
"You are too suspicious."
"You are crazy."
"Our marriage never worked."
"I've never been happy."
"Our marriage was a mistake from the start."
TIME for exposure.
WAT has a great exposure thread ... read it
Exposure is NOT to the 2 infidels ... they already know they are in an affair!
You expose to the other betrayed spouse first.
You expose to your family as well as your spouse's family (if appropriate)
You expose to work, or neighbors, or others .... ASK the board for help regarding who to expose to
HOW you expose is important
wording something like:
I am saddened to tell you my sweetie is having an affair. It's been going on for (length of time).He/she refuses to end the affair. I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence on my sweetie, please do what you can to get him/her to stop this dangerous affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end.
don't forget these words
swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.
you NEVER tell your adulterous spouse you are going to expose
you just do it Not apologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.
Exposure makes the infidel furious
stay calm
breathe
no one can stay furious forever ... being furious is exhausting ... consumes a lot of energy ... let the furious infidel fume and exhaust his/her self
YOU stay cool
You will hear:
"That's it. We are never going to stay married after what YOU did."
"I am moving out now, thanks to you."
"You are getting OP in trouble at home."
"Now our kids will have a broken home thanks to you."
blah blah blah
You respond to all the raging comments: I am still holding out hope for our marriage.
You stay calm
You don't argue
You don't explain
You do not preach
You do not educate
~and~ you do NOT apologize for standing up for truth and marriage and keeping your family intact
YOU calmly re-state your belief that there is hope for the marriage ....
if things get out of hand ... excuse yourself and go for a walk or a drive ...
remember ... exposure makes the already foggy spouse act insane ... but it is temporary
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Thanks Lexxxy. Hopefully I will asking about exposure sooner rather than later.
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