GY,

Did you have a relaxing weekend?

AM

Yes, we had a great weekend at the beach with children and grandchildren. Having H around constantly always brings me out of my funk.

Was yours a good weekend?

GY

How about you?

GY,

I am glad you are feeling better. I recognized a couple of months ago that the UA time was critical to my feelings. The more UA time, or even family time together, the better I feel.

My weekend was not as good as yours. I rattled around pretty much by myself yesterday and Sat. Sunday was good though.

H and I are working on the RC course. It is supposed to be a fun one, but I think using POJA on one of my husbands activities will be tricky. It is an activity that he loves and I tried last year, but am really neutral or even a little negative about doing with him. In any case, I could have gone with him this weekend, but didn't. So it's my own fault that I stewed around. Otherwise, I am doing really well.

AM

Our 28th anniversary was Sat. H and I went away for a long weekend, leaving DS16 home with the dog. It was his first time home alone, being bored and wishing he had gone to uncle's house for the weekend.

H and I had a nice time, stayed at a bed and breakfast, toured vineyards all day Sat, went to glass museum yesterday, stopped at brother's house for dinner on the way home. All in all, a very nice trip and a nice weekend. And we weren't on pins and needles, trying to come up with good conversation.

GY, are you reading here at all???? Miss you.

AM

{{{{{{AM}}}}},

I see you moved again......let's hope it's PERMANENT this time......

Good to hear about the anniversary.......more of those to come.....


Not

AM,
I'm here today. I've been taking an MB break, but I did need to check on you and a couple of my other MB friends.

I'm so glad that you had a good anniversary weekend. I do believe that time will continue to take away the sting. Are you continuing with your MB lessons?

We are stalled with the lessons, but otherwise we are doing well. We had our grandchildren with us last week so we really had a great time and I'm so glad that we enjoyed them together. Life is not how I thought it would be, but it's a lot better than it would be if we had called it quits.

Thanks for checking on me.

GY

GY,

Glad you had some time with the grands. It sounds like fun.

We are still working on the lessons. Every Monday morning, we sit for an hour, tally the hours of ua from the previous week and plan the next week. We schedule 2 hours to work on lessons. We are currently working on SF. I thought it would be much more "triggery" than it has been. So far, so good.

I am glad you are popping in from time to time. I thought I might not hear from you again. I was very happy to see your note this morning.

AM

Not,

Thanks for the good wishes. Things seem to be going well for H and me. He is like a different, better person after attending the MB weekend. Things are SO much better. I still have my ups and downs, but the downs are not as deep and don't last as long.

AM

Can it be that the rollercoaster is slowing way down? A couple of small bumps in the last few days - but nothing compared to what they used to be. H and I missed on the UA time last week and both of us really felt it. Yesterday, we crammed a bunch of UA time into the day - getting caught up.

We are still working on the same MB lesson, going slowly, but not stopping.

A very boring update, but I am starting to enjoy boring updates.


AM

Hi AM-

i havent been on the boards for quite a while - but wanted to check up on how you were doing.

i'm so glad you and your H went on the MBW! how was it for both of you?

and i can so relate to your post about your H voting for the song of America's Got Talent. i have had the exact same reaction with my H so many times. i think they are oblivious how even the slightest reference to infidelity can cause us pain- and bring back memories.

but another thing i relate to- is what happens when you explained your pain- we want a healing response from our H that will make us feel comforted- something to show us that we are safe with them now- like we werent before.

and for me- most times - he has no idea what to say- he just goes silent. so - depending where i am emotionally - i will either work on healing myself- or say something like how much i would appreciate some comforting words- and sometimes he says them.

keep up the good work- and the forward progress, SF

Hi Sunflower,

I think you hit it exactly. I posted our little exchange on the weekend forum. The result was that it was ok for me to be offended and to express it. But we should have stopped before veering off into a conversation about triggers and how we deal with them.

We are doing SO much better. We spend alot of time together and we work the MB program as closely as possible. No shortcuts.


How are you?????
AM

hi AM-

thanks for asking how i'm doing. HMMM...............

we have been up and down. working with steve helped move us forward to a great place- but we had to stop our sessions with him for awhile for financial reasons- so we have been backsliding.

we are back to working with Kim on the Dishonesty Lovebuster lesson. Hopefully this will help- bc my H continues to lie and not be forthright with me-(mostly about inconsequential things) which leads me to feel unsafe with him- which leads me to withdraw- and the negative cycle starts.

have you and your H fixed the dishonesty problem yet? sf

Yes, H is very different from a year ago. A few months ago, in April I think, we had a little challenge when H omitted something that mattered. I don't know what Sandy told him about this topic, but it certainly is very different from before.

This week we did not get all our UA hours in. I was feeling pretty bad. It is amazing how having that time together improves the way both of us feel.

AM

UA time is back up. Yippee. Last week, H told MB coach that we had POJAed volunteer time for Aug. MB coach came back with, "What are you going to do this week to make up for the time you missed?" Gotta love her.

AM

GY and Sunflower,

Are you out there at all?

This week we said we were going to work on the openness and honesty subcourse. We started by reading the chapter. Then the next day, MB coach calls and said we already did this course. Guess it did not all sink in.

Things are still bumpy. I think too much sometimes and then withdraw. H does not always do the things he signed up to do, lovebuster to me.

AM

AM,
Yes, I'm here and doing pretty well. I check in on you and some other faithful MB friends from time to time. I've found that this frequency works best for me, so I come here only to see how you guys are doing.

As for your planning to do the H & O course again, I wonder if it wouldn't serve all of us well to do the lesson again from time to time. I have all faith that you'll survive your bumps. I don't know what has caused it, but I've been better able to talk myself out of triggers the past couple of weeks.
Hope you'll soon be back on track and able to do the same.

GY

GY,

Actually, we did not plan to repeat the O&H course. We had forgotten that we ever did it in the first place. We are moving on to annoying habits. I really prefer doing the EN courses rather than the LG courses.

Dr. Harley wrote something on the weekend forum about lookin to the future rather than focusing on the past. It was worth the read.

Sending you good wishes for more triggerless weeks.

AM

HI AM-
yes, i am here too.

i have found that when we repeat lessons - sometimes they have more of an impact bc we are more receptive to the concepts presented.

we are still working on the O and H lesson and the dishonesty worksheets.
it is a long battle, bc as you said, i view any omitting of information as not total honesty.

sf

GY and Sunflower,

Are you out there at all?

Things are perking along here. We went on a family vacation a couple of weeks ago. It was fun, but our UA time took a hit since we were with two of the kids for the entire week. And we have stalled on our courses. We don't have a particular reason. We were working on annoying habits. Our lists were pretty short and we have resolved them already. Neither one of us has done much that annoys the other. But in the meantime, some of the critical ENs have taken a hit. Yesterday, H said he had a surprise for me. My first thought was that he brought me flowers (something that he always used to do and had signed on to do in the affection subcourse). It turned out he had bought two fans. These were still a good surprise since it us unseasonably hot here, our house was built in 1920 and does not have AC. A small thing, but I was a little disappointed.

How are you?????

AM

This post reminds me just how crucial the UA time is. Romantic love is a very powerful yet delicate thing.