Pepperband - thanks...that is so helpful.

You're welcome.

I'm starting to think that might be it too. It seems he really doesn't want me to know. In his emails with friend about the picture another friend has of him and BF (Butter Face), WH said: Let him know I have his girlfriend's pictures as well so he should simply erase whatever he has on his phone. Like I said, if I ever see a photo he took Friday night anywhere on line, under anyone's name, I will hand deliver the photos I have to his wife. Enough f*cking around. It isn't funny.

Friend's reply: HE IS KEEPING THE PICS FOR INSURANCE. ITS YOUR BUSINESS DONT F*CKIN DRAG ME INTO IT. THE TRUTRH IS WE HAVE A LOT OF THINGS ON EACH OTHER ALL OF US. I HOPE WE CAN CONTAIN IT FROM GETTING TO OUR WIVES.

Almost forgot to ask...does anyone know how to handle it if your husband is just screwing around for fun and because he can? Can that kind of situation even be fixed? Also, it seems like it would be LOTS harder to prove. Thoughts?

What a great bunch of friends...

Anne --

After confrontation and exposure -- you're gonna introduce him to Marriage Builders. Its going to be one of the requirements if he wants to stay married.

(I would love to see you counsel with one of the Harleys -- or attend a MB weekend.)

Then he is going to undergo a profound change in his attitude and understanding of marriage. You're going to have a new marriage with new tools.

Now I am not advocating this at all but I would sure like to see his face if he came home tonight and you say, �Hun, I got the strangest email today. I did not recognize who sent it but the subject line was, �Anne you need to see this�. There was a picture attached but I couldn�t open the file attachment. Well I just deleted it after that. Probably some spam. I wonder why it had my name though?�

That would let the feces impact the rotary oscillator.

Where can I find the General Questions infidelity forum? This site still confuses me. Thanks for everyone's help.

Lexxxy - yes, his friends suck. I'm beginning to think he is no better than any of them. The only difference is he is a father and they are not. I hope you are right about the new marrage part. Honestly, I can't see him getting on board with all these concepts but I guess we'll see what happens. I'm trying to be positive. It's so hard!!! I'm constantly on the verge of a panic attack!

Great minds thing alike. I've been thinking about doing that all day long. The email I wrote in my mind was a little more explicit though.

I bet you would see some REALLY interesting emails tomorrow if you did it....

There's nothing like a wayward in panic mode.

It's like the smell of napalm in the morning.




Less is usually more.

There is blood in the water and the sharks are starting to turn on themselves.




I am not sure there will be any more double dates.

That's what I thought but then I also thought it might make him nervous and more careful.

@chrisner - yes, the sharks are swimming chum. You would think some of them might realize it's not all worth it but what do I know? What's most ironic is that the friend with the pics has been caught by his wife a few times so obviously she doesn't care. And they don't have kids. I wonder if WH is beginning to realize that he is the one with the most to lose.

May be its just me,
But I am just wondering,

if your H is POTENTIALLY having an A or is on the slippery slope from an EA to a PA ...

is it not better to CONFRONT him sooner rather that later so that it can be stopped in its tracks, before its too late.

SO he MIGHT deny it. That will be the first time a WH has done that.

I guess I just dont understand what concrete proof like pictures with a P.I. or walking in on the act will do.
IMO if its walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then...
At the very least your H has poor EP's in place and the sooner you 2 can have an O&H discussion about this the sooner they can begin to protect your M from this or any future A's.

@wannamoveforward - it appears to me he's had sexual contact with this woman more than once (i.e., friend asking him in the email if he was going to [censored] her again). I think it might be just sex and that he's doing it for fun. I want more proof before I confront him because I don't want to reveal how I'm getting my info and I don't want him to be able to lie and explain it away as WHs will do in these situations.

Because it will drive him underground. It won't necessarily stop the A. And - even worse - these boys seem to thrive on drama. What more dramatic than a BS confronting her wayward?

Anne --

I wouldn't ever assume that a betrayed wife doesn't care.
More likely is that said scumbag did a magnificent sales job to convince her that she's crazy for suspecting anything.

We call that gaslighting around here.

The waywards always have a ready excuse, or a way to twist the meanings, or a perfectly innocent explanation -- that always makes the betrayed feel like they were totally in the wrong to suspect.

Or the waywards try anger at the snooping tactics as a way to disarm the betrayed. "how dare you access my private email..."
while completely ignoring the bigger offense...

I think its far better for you to know EXACTLY what you are dealing with so that those manuevers can't be used on you.

And I think eventually these other wives should know exactly what the boys-club has been up to....
But for now, use your energy on your situation!

THAT is called having an Affair.
For fun for sickness for boredom for love, just beacuse....
what ever the reason, the act is still the same.
So what are we waiting for

If I suspected, I guess I would not be able to be as PATIENT and calm as you are being.
I would have stared knocking down some walls, buts that just me.
Perhaps this proof gathering process has its merits.
IMHO its just delaying the inevitable D day.

Does that mean that once there is absolute proof the A will stop ??

NOT .....

These "Bad boys" need to make a choice to either remain M to women who unwilling to accept this kind of cr*ppy behavior and its up to the women to step up and scream that this behaviour is UNACCEPTABLE to them.

The need for drama is why plan A is most effective cause it cuts out on the LB's the DJ's and leaves the drama at the door. The WH is so shocked by the rational BS that any drama on their part just makes their actions seem more insane.