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I don't know for sure if it is the parents....like I said the last name is spelled differently from what I know her last name is. Just expose to everyone on the list and ask them to have the parents and the OWH to CALL YOU. That way the right people will likely get the message. SG, please post your letter here so we can give you feedback before you send it ok,? And did you see my comment about telling them you are pregnant? And be sure and tell them how many kids. This will infuriate all but the most heartless fb friends. Anyone who is not outraged by that is a loser.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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smiley
I am glad you made the decision to go the best route for your effort to save your marriage. That was your decision to make and you have made it.
Congratulations!
Larry Mel<----overwhelmed with relief!! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Ahhhh shaddup Mel  Larry
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It's the truth only the kids and I will suffer for his actions, and with him being deployed he does not have the urgent need for money over there
You need to establish a checking account with only YOUR name on it and make arrangements for an allottment to go into it. Have 90% of his pay go to you...and he can have 10%.
Going to the commander can help get this going. If your WH is ordered to do it...he cannot go back and change it.
Then once you get money coming in...you can expose to your hearts content.
committed
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Hell I wasn't listening last time when you were saying "HE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR OPEN YOUR EYES" (well not in that way) so I better sharpen up and listen this time.
Would it be wise to wait until at least payday next weeek to be sure I am at least covered for the bills this time around?
Also referring to bringing sustantial information about how much I need biweekly to make it - so DON"T bring the evidence I have just let them know this is the bare minimum of money I need to survive every 2 weeks?
Does the dock of pay also apply to the extra pays that come with deploying to a hazardous zone? I supposed that's a question for legal.
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Another question - isn't there a chain of command I have to go through before going straight to the commander?? I want to make the right steps and not be made into a joke and thus not taken seriously.
BTW I'm due in a 6 short weeks so I need to get the bulk of this work done before the baby comes...
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SG, I would go directly to his commander. Send him an email with all the pertinent information and ask him to call you. Tell him you are pregnant and that you are fearful your WS will cut off your support in revenge. Ask him to do everything in his power to kill this affair. I would not wait to get this done, SG. The longer you wait, the most opportunity your H has to pre-empt you and spin the story. If he pre-empts you and spins the story ["my crazy [censored] wife is imagining I havig an affair, blah blah] then when you do contact your target, their mind will be closed and they won't even look at your evidence. The sooner you get this done, the sooner you can move onto to the next step. Once you do this, you will find that your stress level is going to go WAY DOWN. And that is what you need the most, my friend! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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My mom? she doesn't know about the A and he dislikes her anyways so her opinion wouldn't matter.
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My mom? she doesn't know about the A and he dislikes her anyways so her opinion wouldn't matter. Her opinion would matter to you though, right? I would think your mother would be a major source of support.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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My mom? she doesn't know about the A and he dislikes her anyways so her opinion wouldn't matter. You need your mother in your time of need, SG. You need her for your own support.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I am just checking in...so happy to see Smiley is on her way to doing this. Smiley, No need to wait. You have your form letter and your plan as outlined by the great people here. We're all with you
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My mom? she doesn't know about the A and he dislikes her anyways so her opinion wouldn't matter. You need your mother in your time of need, SG. You need her for your own support. You are correct I do need support unfortunately my mother is not ideal she and I don't have much of a relationship.
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Thanks for the support everyone. I am meeting with my counselor on Monday morning so I'm thinking of getting everything set up by then and send it off Monday morning.
Please tell me this will work...WH is at the point where he is set on a divorce as soon as he gets back.
Chaplain was adamant for that I do NOT stop him from talking to the kids over the phone when he calls. I was just not going to answer the phone this entire weekend but should I go ahead and answer now? He already told me he won't call the entire year but I know that is not true.
Last edited by smileygurl80; 03/24/10 05:19 PM.
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My opinion: If you feel that you are capable of NOT spilling the beans about your plans, then I think accepting a call from him would be OK.
Anyone else?
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WH is at the point where he is set on a divorce as soon as he gets back. Just because he said it, does not make it so.
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I decided on Monday morning instead of Friday because I haven't grieved yet. Ever since I found Out I've been talking about my next step, what to do now, what is best for my family.
I need a minute to breathe and cry. Then plan, then take care of my kiddos who thank goodness are on spring break and don't mind just playing at home.
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smiley:
In combat, there is quite time. Between bouts of sheer terror, there is time to think. And think we do. We talk to buddies about the problems in our lives. We confess the sins of our loved ones and get called out on our own shortcomings. In combat, the greatest bond we have is between us, the ones getting shot at and are at risk. We think about what we are going to do if we survive. And we sometimes change our minds a hundred times as we think.
We try not to get distracted, but we think.
No matter what he says, he is going to come home, different. It goes with the job. It is impossible to predict the changes he will make to himself as he works to survive and hopes to get lucky. It is what it is.
Larry
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Thanks for the support everyone. I am meeting with my counselor on Monday morning so I'm thinking of getting everything set up by then and send it off Monday morning. ok, SG, why are you waiting to expose? Your typical "counselor" knows butkus about recovery from an affair. Is there a reason why you are waiting to expose? Please tell me this will work...WH is at the point where he is set on a divorce as soon as he gets back. He wants a divorce because of his AFFAIR. What he wants will change from day to day. We don't know if this will work, but this plan gives you the BEST CHANCE because you will ruin the affair. When you expose he will call up screaming and carrying on and threaten "it is over now!" blah, blah, blah, blah. Just pay him no mind. Just envision that you have taken the crack pipe away from the crack head. Chaplain was adamant for that I do NOT stop him from talking to the kids over the phone when he calls. I was just not going to answer the phone this entire weekend but should I go ahead and answer now? He already told me he won't call the entire year but I know that is not true. continue to take his calls and be as pleasant as possible!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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