ok im still here. Im a little confused about some of the addict talk? I dont have any reason to believe hes a sex addict?

I do think that something might be wrong with him emotionally. Hes definitely a pretty closed off person, maybe Im making excuses for him.

Maybe I made a mistake by marrying him but I can say I didnt see that at the time. I thought it was a lapse in judgement when he was talking about our relationship with his 1500 mile away exgf.

There can be no working on this relationship now, while hes still talking with her and thinks shes his friend. I see that his opinion goes back and forth on our marriage-hes optimistic and tries when he isnt speaking with her and is ready to give up when he is. I thought that was common WS bs.

I guess maybe Im trying to vent because I dont want to talk to family/friends about this anymore. I feel humiliated and angry with myself.

I feel like the more emotional I become, the less patience he has for me, because I cant deal with this without becoming overly emotional.

Ignore the posts about sex addiction. Your post does not indicate that your WH has a sex addiction. Some newer posters occasionally come on this site without really understanding Marriage Builders, or even relationships for that matter.

The addiction you'll want to learn more about is the addiction to the feelings waywards get when certain of their needs are being met by the OP. It's not the OP they are addicted to, but the feelings. Stay on this site and learn more and you'll understand. There are books here that I strongly urge you to invest in: Fall in Love, Stay in Love. Surviving an Affair. His Needs, Her Needs.
Check those out.

And you're right - your M cannot go forward if he is investing his emotions in the xgf. That's an Emotional Affair, and it's as damaging as a physical one. That will have to stop.

addiction became a side story here, b/c I mentioned that I "suspected" you hubby has deep rooted issues that may need to be explored before the MB concept can take hold...b/c you stated the following:
something is causing him to withdrawal sexually from you and his previous relationships (which suggests to me that it's NOT just you)...until you figure that out, making his life dandy by filling his love tank will only disappoint you...it may work for a time, but eventually he'll regress back to withdrawing and seeking SF else where...that's just my thoughts...

I see what yous are saying. I dont see him as a serial cheater (1 affair) or addict and was confused as to how all that came about. I know he isnt commited to working on this relationship right now, youre right, it will do nothing but disappoint me.

RE his issues he keeps people at a distance including me at times. I feel saddened that we didnt really get to try to work this out. I cannot force someone to try. He just vacillated too much and then he says he really tried?!

Im not sure if Ill be able to come back on the forum today hes due home from work soon.

BASED ON WHAT EXPERTISE, THOUGH?

It is wrong for you to advise a new poster based on "just your thoughts". This forum is MARRIAGE BUILDERS, and we are trying to advise the poster based on Dr Harley's expertise.

Did you read the "Welcome" statement at the top of this page? It gives what are in effect the terms and conditions required for participation here:

Many of our members have been in shoes similar if not the same as yours. They begin by asking questions and, with the help of Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts, other members point them in a direction that will solve their problem. After their problem is solved, they often stay on to help new members with their own experience, perspective, and opinion.

Sometimes you may hear alternative opinions that conflict with Dr. Harley's Ten Basic Concepts. These are often raised by those who have not solved their own marital problems, but still feel they are qualified to advise others. When this happens you can expect some members to explain why their approach won't work, and why Marriage Builders� offers a better solution. There are many who are offended when that happens, but please keep in mind that the ultimate purpose of this Forum is to discuss and learn Marriage Builders� concepts.

There are other marriage forums where advice is based on the free flow of thoughts, but this forum exists to help others by the application of Dr Harley's concepts.

does not make a sex addict or addiction...

The whole point is that you can't take a statement like OP made and run with it concluding or arm-chair diagnosing something that just isn't there, and then, heap on misstatements about Dr. Harley's teachings to a newbie who doesn't know any better.

Username, one thing I suggest to you is to click on a poster's username and read some of their prior "advice" and responses to said advice before you take what they tell you as gospel.

Also, length of time here doesn't always matter but it will become clear, if you read here long enough, as to who is giving you good "advice" and who is putting their own spin on things or even who may have another agenda for whatever reason.

Of course the BEST advice you can get is straight from the source, by calling the counseling center, and by reading the books and materials.

Thank you, Sugar. I was starting to get a headache.

still here. DH (dirty husband lol) still not home. I am grateful for all opinions and the time you all take to read this and advise me. As I said before, I dont want to talk about this anymore to family. Its just not helping me.

I will be sure to continue to think for myself and not make hasty decisions based merely on others advice.

Again, thank you all. Ive been doing a TON of reading on this site and will continue to do so and post here as well:)

**edit**

This spouse is Bipolar?

Who diagnosed THAT??

There there, bliss. Have a cookie.

Folks, just a reminder that the purpose of this forum is Marriage Builders. If you can help this poster in that regard, then please proceed. If not, please refrain from disrupting this thread.

Lets get to back to helping this poster with what she came here for!

Any questions, send me an email.

The only pattern I see from this thread is that one poster is taking a lot of liberty in diagnosing someone who isn't here with a variety of disorders, when all descriptions of that person's behavior is simply that he is a wayward spouse.

Username would certainly be well advised to contact the Harleys for professional counseling, and that would be money well spent.

Trying to run people off from MB is not helpful to those who want to save their marriages. If MB methods won't help Username, THEY are more qualified to tell her so than you are.

If she can't afford MB, then those people who are well-versed in MB methods on this forum can still help Username, as MB is designed to help those who seek help. MB can help Username, even if her marriage does not survive. Until Username decides that she no longer wants to save her marriage, we should support her in using MB for her own benefit, which may ultimately result in benefit for her marriage.

How about puttting a lid on it?

Sorry, Rivera. I was posting at the same time you were.

Mmmm...samoas...I thought Pep finished these off last week...

Hate to be the one to tell you, but she got too full to finish and licked the rest.