This is my first time posting something, but I know people will be able to help.
My husband and I have been married for 5 years. FOr those 5 years, he's been in family court fighting for his kids from a previous marriage, to no avail. 14 months ago he lost his job and for many reasons, hasn't found a new one. He has gone into a deep depression, but doesn't acknowledge it. Our communcation is gone, and he shares nothing with me, except in the bedroom, which is still amazing. I feel like I don't know him at all anymore.
Unfortunately, I entered into an emotional affair with a man I dated 20 years ago. I have never cheated on anyone in my life, nor did I intend to ever sleep with this man. My husband found various emails and now thinks I am sleeping with this other man.
I love my husband derarly and am beyond sad about what I have done to him and our marriage. Today is the first day and I don't know what to do to save our marriage. Help?

Welcome to MB. Are you still in contact with the other man? If so, you need to write him a no contact letter, telling him that the emotional affair was a huge mistake, you love your husband and want no contact from the other man ever again. Then have hubby read it and send it.

My husband found out an hour ago and is gone for the day. He has been a cheater in the past (on his ex wife) and suggested the letter also. What do I do and say to my husband today?

I wouldn't say anything. I would show him by my actions that I'm committed to the marriage. Write the no contact letter. It should short and to the point with no sorry, will miss you, etc.

And if the emotional affair was physical at any point, you better come out with the truth immediately.

More info, please, so we can understand your sitch:

You mentioned that this is your first time posting, but you registered over two years ago. What was the reason for registering? Were you having problems at that time?

How long has your EA been going on? Do you have children? Are you in physical contact with OM - do you work or socialize together?

Archived thread about No Contact Letters

Write a letter, hand written, to the OM (other man).
Put it in an envelope and address it but DO NOT SEAL IT.
Give it to your husband and explain to him that you want HIM to mail it so he knows for sure it has been sent.

Answer all of your husband's questions with complete and total honesty as many times as he asks them. Do NOT try to "protect him from the truth" or "avoid hurting him even more". The lies are more damaging than the affair. Every single person on these boards will tell you that. Yes, it's scary, but you cannot afford any lies. Your husband may well walk if he catches you lying to him. You MUST tell him the truth.

I registered before to read what my husband had posted in previous realtionships. I started talking to the OM a week ago. NOTHING physical has happened, nor would I allow that. I have always questioned my husbnd's fidelity, butdeep down I know he has been faithful to me. I have 2 boys that are not my husband's, but that area is good. I do not socialize with the OM...although we do live in the same town. Strictly email.

Your H found emails to the OM.
Put a rule on your email account that either automatically deletes all of OM's emails, or forwards them to your BH (betrayed husband) without you ever seeing them. Ask your BH which he would prefer - deletion or him getting a copy.

Put a key logger on the computer and have the logs sent to your husband.

Give your husband your cellphone or change your cell number. IF you get a new cell number, make sure your H has full access to all phone records so he knows who you are calling, for how long, and how much you are texting.

How close does OM live? Why does your H suspect you've been sleeping with OM? If your cellphone supports GPS have it enabled and on you at all times. Or put GPS device on your car (enabled whenever you go out) so your H knows where you are and for how long.

Offer to take a polygraph.

Thank you for the information. I will do that. I feel absolutely horrible that I did this to him. We had always discussed that if someone cheats, there is something missing from the marriage. I tried to remind him of that, but he is so angry, he puts 100% of the blame on me. I fully accept the blame, but want thngs in our marriage to improve because of this, rather than me pay for it the rest of my life.

I already deleted all the emails. Now I'm thinking that I should have waited. He told me that this isn't about me, it's about him and his feelings. At the same time, would I be here in this situation had he shared himself with me that last 14 months? Again, I accept blame, but how do I get him to realize the issues in our marriage contributed to my poor decision?

Now is not the time to be defending yourself or pointing fingers. Now is the time for complete and utter remorse.

Fix the marriage later.
Fix the crisis now.
You don't need to be reminding him that "something is missing" in the marriage. You need to be doing backflips to make him feel safe.

Pointing out that "something is missing" does not make him feel safe. It makes him wonder what you will do the NEXT time something is "missing" from the marriage.

Do you see that?

Don't even go there. You had an affair because you chose to.

See,

Welcome to MB. I wondered about what you wrote when you said that your BH cheated in his first marriage. That wasn't with you by any chance was it?

If your BH was posting here back during his first marriage, what was his username? Reading his prior posts may help some of us help you.

NOT NOW!!!
Unless you want him to leave you.

By the way, you aren't in this situation because he didn't share himself with you. You're in this situation because you allowed yourself to act in what you knew was an unacceptable manner. There are other ways to deal with "My husband won't share with me" than inappropriate emails to an old flame.

NO! I was never the other woman. I don't remember what his username was.

I know you are right. Thank you for pointing those things out. I appreciate everyone's honesty and guidance. I can imagine what he is feeling. He cheated on me with his ex the first few months we were dating. He has worked hard to assure me that he isn't that man anymore.

Agreed.

Nevermind, you replied and I missed it.
Sorry, didn't mean to beat you up.
It's just really important

I completely see that. I didn't an hour ago. That is why I am here. What do I do/say to help him feel safe? HOw long will it take?

No worries. I am not here to seek support for my EA, I'm here for help on how to save my marriage...I know it won't be easy.